Ella pronounces the “b” in “subtle”. She has complete faith in her goddess, Pam (Not Pan), except for sometimes. She walks a righteous path, except for when she runs along a wrongeous one. Her sacrament is beer, which she generously bestows on her comrades and allies, whether they want it or not.
Ella joined the guild “Wolves in Wheelchairs” at the age of one month. She is already feeling the benefits here in Last Resort:
bq. 01:19 Recruits of the “Wolves in Wheelchairs” guild are eligible for free, albeit poor treatment. Oh well, beggars can’t be choosers.
02:00 The following diary entries are brought to you by Ella The Subtle — As far away as possible!.
01:25 A merchant tried to sell me some bootleg “I believe in you, chosen one. Sometimes I wonder if I invented you.” T-shirts. You’re getting famous, Great One!
16/12/22:
23:24 Notes from the battlefield: The Sillymander was triumphantly defeated! I’ve gained more experience and loot, but it’s time to return to my heroic deeds.
17/12/22:
oh frabduous day! Ella has teamed up with her first pet, Dogmeat the Ballpoint Penguin!
21/12/22:
Ella helped an ally fell a mahoosive boss!
bq. 00:37 Notes from the battlefield: The heroes brought together by common destiny have defeated the Leeching Overhearing Squandering Khannibal! Ella The Subtle got 2255 coins, a hoof of the Khannibal, a golden ticket and a bicycle of life.
28/12/2022:
Became Master of the Wolves in Wheelchairs Guild. While in Godville, got the following exciting news:
01:23 Well-known archaeologists found out that beer was actually invented by ‘Wolves in Wheelchairs’ members! This piece of news spread across the town, filling the people with awe and gratitude for my guild.
What an auspicious organisation to be part of!
12/01/2023
My, what a busy week! Here are the highlights:
- Completed one quarter of my temple to my Luminous Lady
- Reached the 26th level in some mysterious scale of heroic deeds
- My beloved ball-point penguin, Dogmeat, grew another foot in height and changed from being skittish to being dashing. I think of the number “8” when I look at him
- I died for the 5th time, though it feels like 7…
- I am on my 100th quest, and it’s epic!
- I encountered a Werehouse for the first time, and it reminded me strangely of my Goddess
- I am benefitting greatly from my Guild, Wolves in Wheelchairs
Its been busy! Gentle One, do heroines get holidays?
25/03/2023
Well it’s been busy times since I turned 4 months old.
My faithful ballpoint penguin, Dogmeat, has stopped levelling up. Maybe it has something to do with that time he took a 24-hour nap? My goddess kept telling me to go to the temple, and I was totally going to. I just had to drop into the pub on the way. Oh well.
I killed my 20,000th monster. Then I killed another 4,000 or so. Then some more.
I have just failed in my quest to kill a Scurrying Werehouse. I kept thinking of my Lady whenever I looked at it, and it got the better of me. At least now I have a clearer picture of what my Luminous One looks like, thanks to the Godville Times.
Quest: Find the Werehouse (mini) (5%)
22:15 Notes from the battlefield: The Werehouse was too tough for me, so I bribed it with 456 coins and ran away. What a pity that I won’t be able to complete this mini-quest.
30/03/2023
My Lady is in the Godville Times again. I wonder where this mystical Box of Ideas is, and how big must it be to contain a deity?
Ideabox News
• 71 ideas were saved from being burned in a dumpster fire, and 34 ideas were rushed into the ER for intensive care.
• Having lost her limbo stick, Pam Not Pan is making the most of her imagination.
08/04/2023
Just turned 5 months! I feel ancient, but some of my friends are years and years old. And some of them haven’t died nearly as many times as I have. I guess I must just try harder.
My Lady was in the Godville Times again:
bq. Popular consensus is that Pam Not Pan’s genius knows no bounds.
This must be some mysterious divine thing. I wonder does she ever mention me to the journalists? I’ll ask her in my next prayer.
She seems to have some strange ambition in the Guild, Wolves in Wheelchairs. I’ve been curious about what life is like in other guilds, but she shouts at me whenever I think about joining one of them. At least I have a couple of friends in the guild, like Silver Leaf. She’s gotten me out of a couple of sticky situations. And gotten me into a couple too…
in other news, I have won 100% of my Arena fights! Dogmeat points out that I have also lost 100% of my Arena fights. What does a Ball-Point Penguin know about maths anyway?
15/04/2023
Just finished an epic quest and sold all my loot. Ended up with Gold: 21078!!! It’s not safe to walk around with that kind of cash – I’d better get rid of it.
Also, my teeth have developed special powers. I can gnash them, disarm with them and Cheshire them… whatever that means.
12/05/2023
So I’m 42 now, which apparently is 6 months in God years. It’s a time of change, and a time for achieving strange new deeds.
00:48 Dogmeat wants to explore the mysterious realms beyond the roads we have traversed. This is where our paths must split, then. Bon voyage, noble animal. Send me a postcard!
No more Ballpoint Penguin furballs clogging up my armour, no more dramatic-face, no more leading monsters straight to my hiding place… I mean, strategic position. Farewell, faithful friend. I’ll drink your health in a tavern tonight. Then I’ll drink my health. Then I’ll drink the health of all my friends – Johnny Boy, The Maddener, Sysiphus (I don’t know how to spell that), Heraldetta, Jeff of Waterdeep, Matilde…
Also, I’ve killed over 33,000 monsters, my Lady is now a Cardinal, and my building supervisor reckons I only need 120 more bricks to finish my temple.
Heroing is hard. I hope it gets easier after my temple is finished.
18/05/2023
I found a new pet!
11:24 I looked into the kind eyes of the vanquished monster and suddenly decided — Pocket Monster, you’ll be my pet! And I’ll call you Felix. Bandaged his wounds, gave him a treat and fastened the leash.
I hope Dogmeat doesn’t find out. Mind you, he’s probably living it up at that big farm I heard about.
07/06/2023
I feel so grown-up and responsible now. I’m 44, but my Lady insists it’s only 7 months in God Years. I don’t understand how time can be different. Maybe it’s a bit like the difference between me and my pocket monster? Felix insists he’s 8, but he only seems like he’s 3 or 4 to me.
Biggest news is that I finally finished my Goddess’s golden temple!
01:59 My face must be glowing like this golden temple I just now finished for you, Great One. I have to say, it does look great!
02:00 Devotees to the Great One were lined up around the block just to enter the temple. My Lady, you deserve something special for being so popular.
Really hoped I could put my feet up after that immense achievement. Was immediately given another quest, and was given some random bits of wood as a reward. That seems like a big demotion from bricks of actual gold. At least they’re not as heavy.
In unrelated news, keep checking the weather forecast. Feels like it’s going to rain.
20/07/2023
heloh. ma nem is feelix. i is a poket monsta. i is too munts old. i is tenashus. i dont no wot dat wurd meens. i has a pet. shee is cald ella. shee is silli. we wok rownd an rownd in surkuls and jump owt too ple wit monstas. ella rits ting down in a buk. shee sez da wurds owt lowd wen shee rits. dis is sum tings i heer wen shee rits in hur buk. dis is intrestin cuz it sez ma nem.
- Felix nibbled on the Jaywalking Chicken’s feet, causing massive tickling damage.
- Great One, hypothetically speaking, how annoyed would you be if I spent 1496 coins trying to win a stuffed pocket monster for Felix?
- During our last rest stop, Felix performed some gothic dances in honor of the god of monsters. Please forgive him, Mighty One.
- The Non-Terminal Repeating Phantasm noted that Felix has a very cute pet. I don’t get it.
i gets it
- With artful innocence, Felix offered his toy to the Werehouse, giving me the chance to use my “eye scream” skill.
- Realized that to take a day off, one needs patience, lots of energy and good sense. That’s why I’ve got Felix.
- Went with my pet to the advanced pet fights. Felix valiantly defeated and marked the opponent, earning us a solid 2662 coins of cookie money. Good job, Felix!
i wuz jus lukin fr a nu frend
- No, Felix, it’s tackle! Tackle the 3D Sprinter! Not tickle!
- The Plant-Eating Zombie roared. Felix roared back. I just screamed.
- An old man told me to embrace my mistakes. Gave Felix a hug.
i dont get dat wun
feelix sez bah
13/09/23
dis is feelix agen. i wuz havin a luvli nap fr a cupul ov dehs but ma stoopid pet ella wok mi up afta onli 2 dehs. shee wuz al cryin an stuf tinkin i wud not wek up. i is slashin now. i no wot dat meenz. hee hee. i usta bee infernul, but i woznt shur wot dat woz. i no wot slashin is. i lik slashin.
i is lik 22 now. evri tam i gets bigga ma pet ella diys. hee hee. i can tek a litl nap wen shee is al lyin in da grownd an startin to smell lik dinna. but den shee weks up.
wee went on a venchur down in da grownd one tam. but ella got al confusd sow we didnt go bak yet. shee sez maybey wit herr frend jeff to help find da wae. i jus wants to go and pleh wit da nyss big monstas livin down der.
oke bah