June 2023: 🎉I’m famous!🎉
Famous Heroes
Krash — 131st-level adventurer, member of the “Blue Feather” guild, with the motto “Yippe-ki-yay, Mr.Feather丯”, stands at the 68th position in the pantheon of Wordcraft under the vigilant supervision of the god Paltry Denarius. Rumours are it takes at least one more than this hero to change a lightbulb.
I never chose to be a hero, but I can’t remember being anything else.
My health is good, my weapon is sharp, and my armor is shining brightly. Bring it on!
Consulted a map. What a featureless and barren wasteland! Oh, wait — there’s something on the back.
I think if it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
Stared into the face of danger. It winked back.
A wandering master told me that when the going gets tough, the tough get going. Guess I’ll just sit here and relax for a while.
“Be a hero,” they said. “It’ll be fun,” they said.
Went on the offensive. Got flagged.
I hate it when people ask me if I got here safely. No, I died many, many times.
I’ve noticed that most heroes are getting older and wiser whereas I’m getting older and better at making stuff up.
The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did too. She started running so I ran too. Then she screamed so I screamed as well. I never even saw what we were running from.
Pondered taking the path of atheism for a moment, but then realized that I’d have no one to complain to. I think I’ll stick with you, Exalted One.
Hugged a tree. It felt good, but I don’t think the relationship’s going anywhere.
Decided it was time for a battle cry. It’s good to let your feelings out sometimes.
I finally found a way to beat the Great Random! It only works half the time, though.
Just realized my weapon works much better when I take it out of its scabbard.
Hit my funny bone again… still not funny.
I think I found the fountain of doubt, but I’m not really sure it’s the real one.
Spent a few hours staring into the abyss. Had an eerie sensation of being watched.
I slept on my arm and woke up with pins and needles. I should remember to put away my sewing kit next time.
The tribe of tribbles reached its critical mass and loudly transformed into something that immediately ran off into the forest. Found 12260 coins in my inventory.
With experience came wisdom. Now I savour every moment. Every defeat tastes like a draw. Every draw like a victory. Every victory… Well, I wouldn’t really know what that tastes like.
I leveled up! A huge golden podium rose out of the ground, giving me a chance to do an epic hero pose. Finally a level up as extravagant as Nipper’s!
It’s party time! Let’s get wild and buy more healing potions than usual.
A bearded man slammed down his staff and yelled, “You shall not pass!”. I’m now far less confident about my chances of a high grade in my guild rank promotion exams.
It’s so cold today, even my sock puppet is wearing a sock.
The healer said he was surprised I had survived my wounds. I told him I hadn’t but that I’d just gotten resurrected. He laughed and said that was a good one, but he’d heard it before from another hero.
Discovered that asking me to boldly go where thousands have gone before was just a way for the townsfolk to get me out of town. I’ll make them pay… as soon as I finish this quest.
Tonight I will regale the townsfolk with tales of my heroic conquest, and they shall reward me with many pints of ale. Well, either that or they’ll pay me to stop!
Spent a few minutes wondering what epic diary entry to write. Will post it later.
I told my psychiatrist that I’ve been hearing voices. He said that I didn’t have a psychiatrist.
With a savage cry, Krash swatted his enemy with all his might, showing Broadbandit that there is in fact more to fear than fear itself.
Pet Care Tip: Pets do not like practical jokes at their expense. For instance, do not hang a “Wide Load” sign on the tail of your battlesheep.
That was a tough fight, but I finally overpowered my enemy, and stabbed him repeatedly to make sure he was dead. Then I left this little note in his diary to commemorate our epic battle. Sincerely, Neuro Sturgeon.
Almighty, I remember very little of last night, except partying like there was no tomorrow. Looking back, I’m glad I did, because there wasn’t.
Judging by my hangover, last night was awesome! Thanks, my Lord! Wait, am I in the morgue?
I guess I should have checked to see what was on the other side of the door before I accepted the MacDeath’s offered escape route. Eh, die and learn.
Shouting “Victory or Death!” I heroically charged the Disgruntled Postal Clerk… Next time I’ll choose my words more carefully.
Lying dead in a ditch somewhere. I’m sorry mom, you were right.
At least I died doing what I loved: living.
Each. Minute. Crawls. By. Slower. Than. The. Snail. That. I’ve. Been. Watching. For. The. Last. Two. Hours.
Found myself once more on Death’s doorstep. Death said that if I steal its welcome doormat again, I’m in big trouble.
I was just about to defeat that Undead Enforcement Droid 209 when I swallowed a fly. I had to swallow a spider to catch the fly and one thing led to another and now I’m dead, of course.
150th death, Martyr 1st rank! I know that every religion needs a martyr, my Lord, but couldn’t you find someone besides me?
Crap! The lifetime guarantee on my armor just expired!
I used to be opposed to organ transplants, but after my latest resurrection I’ve had a change of heart.
Whoever left me in charge of my own destiny has a lot of explaining to do.
Maybe someone is reading this now and… Ah, who am I kidding?
Pet history
Ho ho ho, now i have a Satan Claus! 😈🎅
After such a glorious battle with the Satan Claus I could not bring myself to deliver the finishing blow. Instead, he will be my new companion. Come along, Spot, let’s go questing!
Sparky, Vengeful Mole 🐹
2019-11-26
08:09 PM Just as the Chili Con Carnivore was about to finish me off, Sparky gamely threw himself head-first at the creature, killing it instantly. He’s been stupefied since, with his eyes crossed and his tongue hanging out. I promise I’ll heal you, my brave, loyal vengeful mole, if it’s the last thing I ever do!
2019-11-27
10:03 PM Sparky’s hospital bill: 14582 gold coins. Having my favorite vengeful mole back in one piece: priceless.
Chum, Landshark 🦈 (in the ark, lv 30)
Dec 2018, level 28, age 7 months 21 days
01:06 AM I spent 11688 gold coins to heal my pet. He wasn’t knocked out for too long, so he might even get his next level faster. Grow big and strong, my Chum!
06:47 PM The Kooky Monster raised its hand for a deadly final strike against me, when Chum suddenly threw himself under its feet. The monster stumbled and fell dead on the ground, its neck broken. Chum was knocked out by the impact of the monster’s carcass. Oh, my Lord, if I don’t bring him back to his senses in time, he’ll lose all his levels and his will to compete!
Aaaaaggggghhhhh! 7 months and 7 days old was not lucky for poor level 29 Nipper 😭😨😰
2018-04-19 I didn’t manage to heal up my pet’s wound in time. Well, Nipper, your regenerating abilities will help you to recover, but I think level-ups and pantheons are not for you anymore. On the other hand, who needs those silly things anyway?
Judging by Nipper’s face I think he’s tired of me. I guess it’s time to finally set him free. Farewell, Nipper! I promise to find a new best friend in your memory!
2013-03-31
In honor of the one year anniversary of completing my temple, I decided to let Scrat the Double Dragon 🐉 free. We’ve been together around two years and its time to try taming a new pet!
09:15: I heard that if you love someone, you should set them free. I released Scrat into the wild to pursue his hopes and dreams. Meanwhile, I’m off to pursue all my greatest ambitions, in the tavern.
Level 34! 2015-03-10
03:23 PM Just as the Exiled Vault Dweller was about to finish me off, Toto gamely threw himself head-first at the creature, killing it instantly. He’s been stupefied since, with his eyes crossed and his tongue hanging out. I promise I’ll heal you, my brave, loyal philosoraptor, if it’s the last thing I ever do!
03:23 AM I didn’t manage to heal up my pet’s wound in time. Well, Toto, your regenerating abilities will help you to recover, but I think level-ups and pantheons are not for you anymore. On the other hand, who needs those silly things anyway?
2015-08-15
After such a glorious battle with the Vengeful Mole I could not bring myself to deliver the finishing blow. Instead, he will be my new companion. Come along, Baloo, let’s go questing!
Treasure 🥳🏆📀💰👑📯🥳
My best haul from a boss monster, three golden bricks! Notes from the battlefield: The heroes brought together by their common destiny have defeated the Deafening Leeching Heromnivore! Krash became the owner of 10797 coins, ear of the Heromnivore, a golden brick, a golden brick, a golden brick, a zombie survival kit, an improbability drive and an universal serial bus pass.
08:13: Hmm… I didn’t know that my ear of the Heromnivore would be worth 2597 coins. A decent price, I’d say.
08:14: Pulled out an abacus and convinced the trader my golden brick was worth 1648 coins by flipping the beads around randomly and confidently pointing to the pretty patterns.
08:15: When the trader saw my golden brick he slurred, “I’ll take them both!” Good thing for me he was drunk and seeing double, since I got paid 1632 coins for them.
08:16: When the trader saw my golden brick, he grinned slyly and paid me 1520 gold coins for it.
08:16: Whoa! My zombie survival kit sold for 369 gold coins! If only I had more of those…
08:17: Pleasantly surprised that my improbability drive was worth 1047 coins. If only they grew on trees…
08:18: Pulled out an abacus and convinced the trader my universal serial bus pass was worth 355 gold coins by flipping the beads around randomly and confidently pointing to the pretty patterns.
08:31: Looked longingly at the lights of downtown, spat, turned around and marched to the bank to deposit 10336 gold coins for my retirement.