In the Age of About One Month:
Created from the black nether of boredem…
Born into a world of cultural jokes…
I, Ashiri, have found my purpose in life. I follow the path of Pahein, and in her light I travel. With Her help I will conquer evil in its many forms, whether it be a dastardly dragon decimating a decapolis or a poor pun practically petitioning for a punch. I am a fighter who knows no limits, and I shall overcome all with the guidan—
{Ashiri, stop preening your danged feathers. You’re not the sharpest tool in the shed.}
AHEM. AAAAAS I was saying. With Your help, my liege, light will be brought forth to the darkness, and all broken dreams shall be repair—
{You realize that’s not why we’re doing this?}
… Yes, I realize. Beaver dam it, why can’t you just let me be dramatic when I want to?
{Well, there’s actually quite a philosophy behind why I prefer my followers to be—}
Oh, just forget it.
…
In the Age of About Two Months:
It’s been a while, Chronicles. I’ve been through a lot since I last wrote in you… I guess you have my Diary to thank for that. She’s a lot less heavy, so I can take her places. You, you have to stay here in Godville. Someday I’ll have a nice spot to put you in— you’ll be given a spot of honor in my Goddess’s Temple.
Speaking of my Goddess, she’s been pretty nice to me lately. I’ve seen other heroes with cruel gods… They’re always a bit charred. I wonder where all their burns come from? Well, anyways, I’m glad I have such a pleasant Goddess. Even if she only makes daises bloom sometimes.
Recently I joined a guild. At first, I only joined because it had a funny name. {… And? What next?} Oh! Uh, there isn’t a “next,” actually. I’m still in it for the name. {sigh}
Wait, Pahein? You were reading that? {What else am I supposed to do up here? Watch the grass grow?} Well, uh, that’s a good point.
Hey, that sounds like fun. I’m gonna go watch some grass grow now!
…
In the Age of About Three Months:
Wow, it’s been quite a month, Chronicles. I’ve been moved up the ranks in my guild quite a bit. I’m now the Chief Master of Goon Squad, the most united guild in the land. {Pfft. After trying to escape that position about five times…} Well, hey. Running a guild is harder than it sounds, you know? I don’t like that kind of publicity.
Anyway, I’ve also grown quite a bit. Dueling has been a fun way to sharpen my skills, although honestly it’s a bit frightening against other people sometimes. It’s like fighting against the gods themselves, they get healed up so much… {Aww, c’mon. You fight so often, it’s not like I have enough time to recuperate since you don’t pray very often.} Well, now… I mean, that is to say… uh…
I’ll go pray right now, my lady.
…
In the Age of About Four Months:
It’s been a while, hasn’t it, Chronicles? You’ll be happy to hear I’m 10.2% finished collecting Golden Bricks for Pahein’s Temple. You’ll have a home in approximately… um, four times nine… Thirty-two months! Isn’t that exciting?
I’m still in Goon Squad, but I think they’re trying to retire me. I’m an “advisor” now. What the heck does an “advisor” do?
And, finally, today I begin my search for a pet. I’ve humored the thought before, but now I seriously want a companion. Perhaps a horse. I’ve always fancied not having to walk everywhere. That would be nice.
…
In the Age of About Five Months:
A lot has happened since I last wrote in you, Chronicles. I did find a pet— he’s an adorable, loyal lil’ critter named Tigger— although he isn’t exactly the burden-bearing sort of pet I was hoping for. Temple construction is going along great; apparently people are even donating now! Isn’t that wonderful? I’m glad I have attracted some people to the Great One. …Oh! I almost forgot! I got promoted! I’m now the Grand Master of the Goon Squad. Can you imagine all those newbies I take precedence over now? Well, I must be going now. Tigger and I must go and… “disperse the herd of bad animals.” For Pahein!
…
In the Age of About Six Months:
Oh, Chronicles! The worst thing happened! Tigger left this world… I mean, he’s died before, sure, but I don’t think I’ll ever have enough money to revive him now…
Rest in peace, Tigger. Rest in peace.
[Upon closer inspection, the page appears to have dried water stains on it, some with a slight crusting of salt.]
…
In the Age of About Thirty Months:
Chronicles, it has been rough since I last wrote in you. Tigger— well, when he left me, I lost hope. It hit me harder than I thought it would— you know, the companionship of a Sundog is in a league of its own; and after I put Tigger in his final resting place, I didn’t have much will to continue on. It didn’t help that my Lady was not answering my prayers. I lost all standing in my Guild— ridiculed; for a hero whose Lord had abandoned them is a laughingstock. My Lady’s temple lay incomplete; the sad, wilted remains of my faith. I’m honestly surprised that you, Chronicles, haven’t been stolen… Or, for that matter, anything else around here. Perhaps one of the acolytes has kept these little tributes safe.
When I lost my position in the Guild, I had nothing left. Alone, my goddess Pahein gone, who had not only let Tigger die, but now left me in my hour of need… The days were long and sad. I left civilization and struck out for wilderness, forsaking heroics, once and for all. Or so I thought.
Yesterday, though, was extraordinary. My new companion, Baloo, stirred in the middle of the night. He sniffed the air before standing up and going out to the mouth of the cave in which we took refuge. The rippling of his outline awoke me; and I followed him to the mouth of our abode. A glowing strand of light descended from the heavens, and a single daisy sprang from the earth.
Pahein was calling me.
And so I returned to Her and Her temple. It is nice to see my efforts of long ago were not for naught; the small following of believers has managed to continue building Her holy place. Now, with Baloo at my side and my Lady smiling upon me once again, I take up my sword and venture out to bring glory to Her name!
…
In the Age of About Forty-Nine Months:
My Goddess has not been around much lately—{Hey! I’ve been busy. Lotta stuff going on, yanno?}— yes, I know. I’m always glad when you do visit, my liege. I’m trying to write in the Chronicles right now, though. {Alright, alright. Just saying.} Good? Okay. I have stayed strong in Her name, carrying out Her holy rites across the land—{at a positively embarrassing rate, I might add}—HEY! Look, life may be busy for you but at least you aren’t DEAD and your god WHO KNOWS WHERE. It’s hard getting a ressurection from a passing benevolent god that isn’t yours! {Yyyeeaaaah, okay. Sorry about that. Still, you could pick up the pace—} I might, if you come around more! {I’m planning to, Ashiri, don’t get mad at me. Also, why are you writing this for everyone to see…?} Well— I mean, I gotta write it all down for posterity, right? Where else will the stories for our future converts come from? {…sigh… } Well, I don’t see you coming up with any better ideas, so this is what I’m going with.
Aaaanyway… Baloo has kept me going through the hard times, reminding me, even when I’m at my lowest, in the gutter after having spent all my coin on the Temple, unable to even beg for a drink because I’m too weak to set out a hat, unable to even lift my eyes pleadingly at a passing stran— {Getting a little off track, are we?} Ahem. Well, what I’m saying is Baloo’s been there for me, reminding me of why we’re doing this in the first place. For You, my lady.
I look forward to the bright future ahead of us.
{As do I.}
May we forever be in your favor, my Lady! (We missed you. c: )
[ A picture follows on the next page. It appears to be crudely drawn in crayon—much like the drawings of a child. On gold-colored ground, there is what appears to be a young adventurer holding a book, a wolf, and above them a shining woman floating where the sun might be. Also, daises. And a rainbow. ]