Day 486— I, Lady Q, came into being shortly after WhiteJesus told his wife about Godville.
New to godhood, and excited, PadmeLupin threw herself into being the best goddess she could be. Unfortunately for me, she couldn’t be all that great. Which lead her to choose a guild for her minion, Guild Name Guild, the home of mediocrity.
Day 503— It’s been an entertaining few months, if not overly excellent. PadmeLupin tells me that she keeps submitting new thoughts to the Ideabox but, like my guild, they are average and the only things that have been accepted are grammar edits, though that is appropriate for a grammar geek such as herself.
Day 634— She’s started the most annoying habit. She refuses to call me “Lady Q,” and instead calls me “the Qtip.” When I ask why, she goes on about something to do with her cat, though what that has to do with a cotton swab is anyone’s guess. I suppose I’ll just have to learn to live with it. Wish I had more influence over my goddess!
Hey!
Huh? Who’s that?
You really should know the sound of your Goddess’ voice by now, young lady! I don’t want to interrupt your chronicles, but you’ve got to represent me correctly if you want me to stay out! I’ve told you a thousand times that you’re named after my cat, Q, who is usually called Qtip and that’s why I call you the Qtip.
Oh. Yeah. You’re right, you did tell me that. My Lady, what’s a cat?
It’s a pet, like a firefox or bipolar bear. Though cats are generally more useless, kind of like heroines.
I think I was just insulted.
Now back to your regularly scheduled chronicles.
Day 650— It occurred to me that I haven’t written about my pets, and since I just lost hope of reviving my beloved firefox named…umm…well, nevermind his name. My first pet was also a firefox and his name was Woody. He saved my life four times and I managed to revive him thrice before his soul couldn’t bear to return to this place. What’s-his-name was my second pet. He refused to be revived and is buried outside of Beerburg. I hope I get another pet soon.
Day 658— My Lady dumped buckets of encouragement on me today, probably because I only spent 13 coins at the pub. She said it got her into The Pantheon of Lightweights in a place called Skeatseria Lodge. I think that’s a rival guild! Why would the Almighty One align herself with another guild?! What’s that, my Goddess? It’s a place where you are welcome to brag how little your heroine can hold her liquor? Hey, I can drink as much as the next heroine! I’ll prove it to you!
Day 671— I had a good time at a crummy joint called “Khaki-Colored Dragon” and spent 2718 gold. See, my Lady? Ouch! Lightning?! What was that for?! You told me to spend money on drinking!!! You didn’t? Oops…Think of it this way. At least now you’re also in The Pantheon of Drunkards!
Day 674— My Goddess has been generous with the encouragements again today! She says that she got an idea accepted by the devs! I’m supposed to look for the head equipment “ice pack” and buy one as soon as I can. I’ll get right on that!
Day 675— She’s in a good mood today too. Says it’s her and WhiteJesus’ fourth wedding anniversary. My Lady, do you have to rub it in that you’re happily paired and I’m not? Oh. You got me two new friends? And they’re both male? Hmm…this has possibilities…oh, who am I kidding?
Day 752— My pet bipolar bear, Behemoth has been really useful lately! He is level 19 I’m really hoping he manages to stay alive at least to level 20 so I can get the Animalist, 2nd rank Achievement. Now that I’ve written this, let’s see how long it takes until he dies…
Day 755— Three days. That’s all it took before Behemoth was killed by a Yorkshire’s Mammoth. I’m so upset and PadmeLupin is angry with me for writing that last chronicles entry. If I get hit with any more lightning, I might start generating my own electricity.
Day 757— Desperately praying and sacrificing, I made a small miracle and resurrected my pet. Behemoth, I’m so glad to see you!
I’m impressed. I was thinking about not letting you resurrect him, but you saved up while I was asleep!
What?! You weren’t going to let me have my pet back?! Why?!
Pets are expensive to resurrect and you still owe me a temple. Besides, it’s your fault he died; you wrote it in your chronicles!
I…I have nothing to say to that.
Day 760— Behemoth did indeed reach level 20, and we have our Animalist, 2nd rank achievement. Happy day! Speaking of Behemoth, he has been so mischievious today. I’ve caught him with three of my artifacts just before he broke them, and one after it was too late. How does he get a hold of these things? Oh, there’s a hole in my pack. I thought I fixed that! I better head back toward Tradeburg to make sure I didn’t drop any more of my belongings. What if I had lost my blue screen of death? I would have died in a battle with this Asthmatic Dragon coming down the path…crap, I think it saw me. Gotta go!
Day 782—
I finally found myself an ice pack to go on my head! It’s the first time I’ve seen one since PadmeLupin told me it was approved over 100 days ago!
Day 783—
Received Mithril Braces as a quest reward. I can’t let them go to waste, so goodbye, ice pack!
...
No punishment? Really, my Lady? What’s wrong with you toda—I mean, thank you!