Here presented are my ongoing chronicles (not in any particular chronological order) but noted down when I had a minute of not dying, praying, smiting monsters, drinking, writing in my diary, walking on the yellow brick road, or exercising my free? will. Sometimes my god makes comments but I can’t read those, Almighty must be using invisible ink.
—I realize they are a bit long. Will have a wiki page set up soon.
13:28: Did I just see Iago rushing at the monster croaking “I am a great hero shoo! ⑦!?”
13:32: I think that this jerry-built shack will be great for His Dethroned Majesty.
13:32: Somehow I’ve managed to grant political asylum to the dethroned king of a neighboring country. Found a chest full of money. Gonna go on a shopping spree.
06:29: Quest to ‘find the oldest trick in the book and use it’ was completed with excellence! Got a shiny golden brick and felt great about it.
21:32: To fool the Feral Hero, I fell over and pretended to be dead. Remembered too late that this only works on bears. Guess I won’t have to pretend anymore. Up to death #5 what an exciting day, 2 down 1 up 21:37: If this is all a dream, don’t wake me up.
06:18 Felt a burning desire to disassemble the mystery box. Found a notarized document inside stating that I’ve died fewer times than I thought. Splendid. Make that 4 official deaths, two mystery boxes two less deaths in the same day :-)
16:38: Hope that I won’t have to squeeze some blood from a stone again. But the reward was good: an extra dose of experience and a shiny golden brick!
06:41 AM Learned a new skill: “golden vein”! —No idea what this does, this will be interesting
09:50: Felt a burning desire to disassemble the mystery box. Found a notarized document inside stating that I’ve died fewer times than I thought. Splendid. —Back down to 5 deaths awesome indeed
06:41 AM Hooray! I’ve reached level 21! —10/30/2011, only 5 days for this level as well
09:48: Arrogantly shoved aside the guild newbies on my way to the doctor’s office. Restored a decent part of my health bar. —lmao and she is pure good
8:32: Gold coins in my sack suddenly melted into something else. Hey, that’s a golden brick! I can use it for the temple!
00:25: Iago just made another notch on his collar. Looks like he got his next level. —level 7, he is doing good
09:07 PM The April Fool was so impressed with my fighting skills that he rewarded me with a golden brick. Posthumously. —d’oh! Well that’s official death #6, they seem to be piling up high and fast. The gold brick is good news. I did become chief master in Wild Seven today, good health benefits. Speaking of Wild Seven I was promoted to general (not sure what they do but it sounds cool) and made personal advisor to Axelo, which is pretty neat. —Texas Rangers lost today, a day that will live in infamy for the organization. —10/28/2011
15:15: The snowman has melted from tenderness. 15:15: Quest to ‘confess love to a snowman’ has been completed! Received some experience and a wish for good luck.
11:23: Great One, if you exist, help me. Otherwise, get out of my way – I’m busy. —what an attitude jeez
22:58: Well, I guess there isn’t a creature over three inches tall left now. 22:58: Hope that I won’t have to mow the surrounding lawn again. But the reward was good: an extra dose of experience and a shiny golden brick!
06:09 You know, Almighty, seven days without a pun makes one weak.
14:54: My life seems repetitive. I need to change something… maybe my breakfast cereal?
10:31: I’ve managed to raise a family of dust bunnies. My titanic efforts were rewarded with a golden brick and some pocket change! —entered pantheon of construction for first time
04:36: Iago glows and his eyes sparkle. It seems that my brute just achieved a new level. —Level 6 and Dashing
Eronga – 21st-level adventurer, member of the “Wild Seven” guild, with the motto “For Narnia!!! ”, stands at the 64th position in the pantheon of creation under the vigilant supervision of the god Eronga. All he ever wanted was a little love and affection. —Congrats! Saved here for posterity or until we meet. Whichever is earlier.
15:49: Mighty One, if I don’t respond in five minutes, just wait a little longer.
15:35: I’ve seen things people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate. And all those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain… Time to wake up. —fascinating a line from Blade Runner made it in
14:44: What a disappointment! Well, at least now I know why nobody ever goes there. 14:44: Somehow I’ve managed to boldly go where no one has gone before. Found a chest full of money. Gonna drink heavily. 14:44: Hooray! I’ve reached level 20! —10/25/2011, only 5 days for this level
10:52: Increased the level of my “powerful sneeze” skill after long and arduous training! —Only 6 hours later and the skill has increased again!
04:55: Increased the level of my “powerful sneeze” skill after long and arduous training! —only combat skill and it is moving up! Keeping pace with awkward silence.
01:12: Quest to ‘find the Sphinx’s nose’ was completed with excellence! Got a shiny golden brick and felt great about it.
17:33: Great One, I’ve chanted prayers for so long that my tongue has knotted! Hab du pfursakn be? —lol must have been written by a dentist
17:30: To fool the Double Dragon, I fell over and pretended to be dead. Remembered too late that this only works on bears. Guess I won’t have to pretend any longer. —Official death #5, what an inglorious way to die, it was due I suppose
09:59: I’ve managed to convince another hero to do the quest for you. My titanic efforts were rewarded with a golden brick and some pocket change!
22:19: Iago was suddenly surrounded by a sparkling glow. Then he began skipping around and humming happily. Hey, I think he just leveled up! —Level 5 for Iago, cool
17:19: Although I don’t see what’s so special, to me it sounds just like one foot stomping. 17:19: Hope that I won’t have to discover the sound of one hand clapping again. But the reward was good: an extra dose of experience and a shiny golden brick!
11:56: The Anti-Bio-Tick complained and demanded my heroing license number and Godville registration. Blasted it in the head instead. Boring conversation anyway.
11:24: Something good and nice-smelling poured from the sky over my pet. Iago is smiling happily.
22:54: Sang a happy tune of rejuvenation and gained some health. Sweet!
22:51: Suddenly I wanted to swap a couple thousand coins for a drink. Unfortunately, there wasn’t a single bar around.
19:48: Sold all my loot! I am off for a quiet beer. To be immediately followed by a dozen or so noisy ones. Had good laugh on this line.
15:47: I had a strange dream – a zombie wanted to eat my brains. It lumbered over, knocked on my head a few times, then mumbled something in disappointment and walked away. Weird.
15:10: What a terrible stench! What did I eat recently?
14:43: Finished off the Rubber Duckie with a fatal kick to its head and picked up a recipe for disaster. At this rate, if I just don’t spend money on drinks, I’ll become a millionaire in no time. Nah, I think I’d rather drink.
13:31: Sold everything I own. Now where was that tavern again? 13:42: Must…resist…tavern… Ah, screw it!
16:09: Hooray! I’ve reached level 19! Geez, I think I have to stop checking in. Took a week with lots of outside help. One more level until everything is open. 10/20/11
21:00: Suddenly felt a strong desire to examine the deus ex machina. My senses didn’t let me down — found 2336 gold coins inside!
07:51 A guardsman caught me writing “I am a great hero shoo! ⑦” on a wall. Had to pay a fine of 288 gold coins.
07:41 My “powerful sneeze” skill has been upgraded to level 4! Paid 2428 gold coins for the training.
15:26: Lay down under a tree to die from severe wounds. Came back to my senses to find Iago performing CPR on me. Whew! Thanks sun dog!
13:44: My “powerful sneeze” skill has been upgraded to level 3! Paid 2041 coins for the training.
09:49: Suddenly felt an urge to open the deus ex machina. There was nothing inside, but I managed to get 2548 experience points in the process. Note for future reference this was about 2% increase at level 18.
17:55: During our last rest stop, Iago performed some gothic dances in honor of the god of monsters. Please forgive him, Almighty.
16:05: Hope that I won’t have to see a falling star and make a wish again. But the reward was good: an extra dose of experience and a shiny golden brick! Just got access to the third eye! Neat!!
14:57: It is said that pets are like their owners. I’m watching mine and don’t want to believe that.
12:47: Helped a wandering yogi untangle his feet from behind his neck.
12:34: The Closet Monster was sacrificed to the Almighty. As its spirit floated toward the sky, I found a jar of traffic jam and 23 coins, laying next to where its remains were.
11:58: The merchant threw a pouch of gold at me to chase me out of his shop. Strange whimsicality!
09:27: Dear my Lord, nothing to report today. I’ve been bitten, scratched, punched, kicked and severely wounded. In short, business as usual.
21:38: I wasn’t retreating from the battle, Almighty. Just realized that it’s laundry day and I need some clean underwear.
17:15: Donated 43 coins to you, Great One, as life insurance premium.
14:36: I’m sorry, Exalted One, but my last few entries were complete lies. I just wanted my life to seem interesting.
13:44: Almighty, is it just me or does every single hero I meet worship a different and wrong god?
12:36 Just bribed the trader with 1177 coins and got a meat shield for free. Ah Tradeburg, what a deal for +14 durability. Must come more often.
11:50 Opened my diary to read ‘Worship in a church or temple.’. Hm, I don’t remember writing that…
11:29: Unknown User looked at me with sappy and teary eyes. I decided to spare its life. It’s good to be good!
10:12 Found an old, faintly humming monument covered with shoots and leaves. While I was clearing the growth, I laid my hands on the monument… When the SFX was over, I found myself surrounded by an aura of hoarding. Awesome indeed, awesome!
09:56: Met Runitemaster as we were walking from milestone to milestone. He worships a false god, but otherwise seems to be a decent sort of chap. I shall pray for his soul. Who is this cat? Not on my friend list. The diversity of funny new phrases makes it very hard to keep up.
09:41: Picked up a diary from a slain Fanged Sole Eater. Man, I really come off as a jerk in this thing.
08:28: The Godvilla gave me the choice of die like a hero or flee like a coward. I opted to buy my way out like a weasel. Lmao
00:04: A wandering monk said that playing chess helps to develop strategic planning, a flexible mind, and independent thinking. That’s why gods don’t like chess players.
11:32 I was trying to spread the word at Los Demonos’s main square, informing the people about my guild, when suddenly thunder boomed and amplified my voice a hundredfold. People here are going to remember the “Wild Seven” guild for a long time.
09:45 They had nothing in my size. I need to lose some weight. Or get some more.
19:32: Nearly purchased a siege tower for my armoury but couldn’t figure out how to push around the damn thing.
19:18: The town doctor was able to patch up some of my wounds, but he said my insurance doesn’t cover fixing my broken pride.
18:44: Please, Almighty, stop refreshing every few seconds. It’s driving me nuts.
17:06: Practiced the newest secret handshake that I’ve been working on with my guild mates from “Wild Seven”.
04:16 Attaching freshly buttered toast to the soles of my sandals gave me the power of levitation. Unfortunately, it didn’t last long.
04:14 The Bear-Faced Liar tried to convince me that slaying it would fracture the space-time continuum…. I knew it’s bluffing. Got 13 coins.
03:58 It seems that I’m about to imagine a fight. Stopped doing everything, sat on a stump and started to hallucinate. Xev, can you hear me? 03:59 Notes from sparring fight: It seems like Xev and Vyctorious are about to go wild in their imaginations. 04:08 Notes from sparring fight: Vyctorious ends imaginary fight as a winner. Xev thanks her partner for the mental training. First sparring fight neat! Nice way for the devs to suck up more GP! Still a lot of fun. Thanks Xeno!
03:50 I heard stupidity is contagious. Geez, hope I don’t catch that!
03:37 Attempted to be witty. Failed. Again…
03:20 The healer told me that if I keep suffering such blows my vital organs may be damaged. Luckily the last one struck my head.
03:03 I ate a fortune cookie and the note inside said: ‘I ask you to go to church or temple and worship.’ 03:03 I’m frightened of these scary voices. Going back to the nearest town to get a new pair of pants.
02:43 Thoroughly took apart the gift of fate. Found 1095 coins inside. What a gift!
02:31 An inner voice started to croon something nasty in my head. Hey, not this song again!
12:56 I dared Piggy Bank-Robber to step any closer. He didn’t dare and hit me from distance instead. Chicken! lmao, I love the Earthly News update on this!
12:39 I sat below a tree to take a rest and let my mind wander, but it was too weak to go very far.
12:25 Mixed an essence of awesomeness with a last laugh. Now that’s some really great stuff!
07:18: I’m so broke, I can’t even afford to pay attention.
11:33 I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long. Where the heck does she come up with this stuff? So much for dim-witted I had to read it five times before I understood.
09:28 Sang a happy tune of rejuvenation and gained some health. Sweet!
08:17 I was bored to tears, so I decided to discover Victoria’s secret. This should be interesting. lol
07:39 Quest to ‘find out how much wood a woodchuck would chuck’ has been completed! Got a pot of gold. Let’s go on a shopping spree!
07:32 My life seems repetitive. I have to change something… maybe my barber?
20:20: While the enemy was taking a time-out, Vyctorious helped me cleanse my wounds and fed me some deliciously fresh buns
15:02: Tattooed ‘I am a great hero shoo! ⑦’ on my butt cheek. Nice. lmao
10:18: It is said that the effect of a Pan-Galactic Garggle Blaster is like having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped around a large gold brick. Well, it’s true.
06:59: A luminous halo suddenly appeared above my head. Seized the opportunity and ran to the city square to do preach your word to the townspeople. My guild is going to gain more influence here.
An awesome fight! This makes up for the horrendous loss earlier in the day.
23:04 Mithraeus is unconscious. Vyctorious successfully fulfilled the goal of praising her deity! The winner got richer by 1161 gold coins and a golden brick. Hail Vyctorious! Loss #10 for the enemy is at your hands. For those of you not counting I went through 12.5 charges. My opponent probably went through something similar. Only had 1.5 charge left. lmao! Winner: Godville!! Good fight, good night! Dated 10/13/2011
20:20: While the enemy was taking a time-out, Vyctorious helped me cleanse my wounds and fed me some deliciously fresh buns. Helping Eros again, they seem to have a connection.
10:23 PM The trader was impressed by my “Wild Seven” guild membership card. Received a shoulder parrot as a free gift.
07:08 My life seems repetitive. I ought to change something… maybe my underwear?
17:56: Sneezed fiercely and broke the gift of fate. Lol
15:22: You know, Most Righteous One, those other gods I keep hearing about are starting to sound a lot more reasonable than you. Ouch! Wonder why she’s do grumpy, must be low on beer
14:58: Sometimes I wonder if my god has too much control over me, but I’m afraid this thought will get me punished.
12:25: I perished in battle as a true hero. Balding Thesaurus Rex, I’ll be back! 12:30: How am I writing in my diary if I’m dead? Does this mean I’m a ghost writer? 12:31: These constant resurrections are wreaking havoc on my social life. Death #4 lol resurrected quickly
09:05: I was just wondering… As a hero, am I supposed to have a secret identity or something? Oh, and maybe I should get a costume. I’ll look great in tights!
08:27: Early to bed and early to rise makes a lady healthy, wealthy, and wise. Good night to me!
08:26: I just woke up in the middle of the street with some little kid poking me with a stick. He said I was snoring…
07:54: Quest to ‘go the extra mile’ was completed with excellence! Got a shiny golden brick and felt great about it.
10:12 Dear Diary, today I decided to write a special entry in you. Hello!
08:37 Ran into a dead end. That really hurt.
06:41 I heard some strange rattling and rumbling noises coming from my backpack. Then a glowing rainbow aura of reviving spread around me. Nice.
17:45 In a sudden surge of genial unconsciousness Vyctorious almost treated the enemy, but managed to change her mind at the last moment. lol she does this a lot, that’s how she lost a previous fight 17:46 Some people in the audience are shouting that battles are too cruel these days, and demanded that the arena be closed down, because it makes them sick. Why they in the stands then? 17:53 G Meezy received a lightning bolt straight to his rear. Vyctorious is prostrating, praising her god. 17:53 Vyctorious beamed with a wide smile and kissed her rival right on the nose. G Meezy shook with shame. 18:00 OMG I am God sent a fiery arrow from the sky. G Meezy caught it neatly in a tender spot. lmao – perhaps punishment is a fun way to play the game. Having a chronicle in the 3rd person is probably not the best idea, oh well have to preserve for it posterity some how. : )
13:17: Ha, pillows are for wimps! Last night I slept on a turtle.
12:50: Somehow I’ve managed to locate a fallen star to make a wish upon. Found a chest full of money. Gonna drink heavily.
09:47: Suddenly felt the urge to disassemble the mystery box in the hopes of finding something useful inside. Bad idea – right in the middle of the process a spiteful gremlin jumped out of it, grabbed 765 gold coins from my pocket and ran away.
09:55 A fat old man was screaming “Rudoooolph!” in the forest. I felt pity and gave him a piece of fresh reindeer meat that I had just bought from some wandering goblins.
08:14 Met Piadorita. Borrowed some food and a couple of healing potions. Feeling much better now.
07:46 Curses! Those sneaky goblins robbed me again! Where is my invite to Godville?!
07:25 Solomon Grundy covers his face with his hands. Vyctorious looks around in perplexity trying to find the enemy.
07:12 Obeying the strange voice, Vyctorious carefully aims and throws a portable tunnel at the enemy. Solomon Grundy falls to the ground, but then gets up and puts the trophy into his pocket.
07:00 I had a dream – I was sitting in a stuffy, overcrowded office doing useless and tedious things. Exalted One, that was really horrible. 06:59 Woke up looking at a beautiful sunrise, and wondered who stole my tent while I was sleeping.
07:13: Hooray! I’ve reached level 17! 1st day of month two
06:14: I suddenly saw falling letters, thousands of them! Some were combined into phrases that looked like ‘Be aware of the trader trying to cheat you.’... It was awesome! Then I realized I really shouldn’t eat those odd cookies anymore. 06:15: I always get the best bargains and make very lucrative deals.
00:30: Ran into Vyctorious. She distracted the monster with some magic tricks, giving me time for a quick prayer. So helping Eros Immortal, cool
17:37: I wanted to offer gold coins as a sacrifice to you, my Lord, but then I decided that some roadside flowers would do just as well.
14:54: What a surprise! Eros Immortal stopped by to visit me. We talked over a few drinks of iodine solution.
14:45: Entered a bamboo grove to get some rest and met Xev there. Drank from mugs to celebrate the lucky meeting and smoked a peace-pipe. Lost track of time. Day 29
13:43: Stopped to carve the sentence ‘Vyctorious was here’ into a nearby rock. Now I will be remembered long after I’m gone.
11:46: Washed my lower regimentals in a pond nearby. The unlucky trout that floated to the surface made an unexpected, yet decent, lunch.
10:43: My quest to ‘reject reality and substitute your own’ was a triumph! Got a golden brick too. Quest 37 Reject reality and substitute your own Another tough quest, where are the easy ones?
07:21: The earth around me quaked and the words ‘Step into the healing light my daughter.’ appeared. 07:21: Unrolled my prayer mat on the ground, kneeled on it and babbled a few prayers in religious ecstasy.
07:12: A massive tablet suddenly fell from the sky. Inscribed upon it were the words: ‘Sacrifice the monster to me, I will help you.’ 07:12: Here’s 213 gold coins, Almighty One. Please make my skin healthier and my hair shinier!
06:41: A massive tablet suddenly fell from the sky. Inscribed upon it were the words: ‘Sorry about the food, drink some beer feel better.’ 06:41: Beer, Almighty, is living proof that you love me and want me to be happy.
06:38: You know, Great One, maybe I’d listen to you if you listened to me. Where was that hotdog I asked for yesterday, huh? I starved because of you.
06:35: Curses! Those sneaky orcs robbed me again! Where is my invite to Godville?!
16:32: Quest to ‘put one foot in front of the other’ has been completed! Received some experience and a wish for good luck. 16:32: Step by step, day by day…
09:49: Suddenly felt like I had to examine the mystery box. Shook it, rubbed it, but nothing happened. Annoyed, tried to break it with a golden brick… Now I have neither. Double D’oh
05:39: I felt a cold shiver, like something just walked over my grave. Wait, it was something walking over my grave. Where are you, Omnipotent One? 03:29: I can’t stand seeing my magic stone slippers degrading. When will I be resurrected? Why does it take so long? 02:54: The only person that cares about me is you, Most Righteous One, yet even you let my body lie here in the dirt. 02:44: The thing I regret most is the fact that I’m not alive. 02:40: Shamefully died by the hand of the Evil Overlord. 02:34: Groped for the holy water with extra calcium in my pocket and used it up to restore some health. Hold on, Evil Overlord! D’oh!!! Official death 3, a real shame on the magic stone slippers. Day 28
22:11: I guess I’ll never figure out how to become the 393rd member of the guild “Guild by Association”. Whatever. I’ll find something else to do. Took me much godpower and one punishment to listen, sigh, lost virtuous status
22:02: Saw a tree that had a heart etched into it with ‘Vyctorious + Blarg the Mighty’ inside of it. Hmm… I think Blarg the Mighty might be confused about the depth of our relationship.
02:57: Met Vyctorious during a rest by the wayside and borrowed her diary to read. The writing is so similar… We’re obviously soulmates. So said Njack, let the competition begin!
21:04: Thud436 happened to be standing next to me in the shop, and prevented the trader from cheating me.
19:33: Met Eros Immortal during a rest by the wayside and borrowed his diary to read. The writing is so similar… We’re obviously soulmates.
18:30: Somehow I’ve managed to find out how many wrongs it takes to make a right. Found a chest full of money. Gonna drink heavily.
09:38: Tried to persuade the trader that my eternal gratitude is valid tender in exchange for a sapient pearwood club. He wasn’t as dumb as I hoped. Ended up giving him 1511 gold coins instead.
07:27: My wounds are bleeding and some limbs are dislocated. I’m so tired and sore. I’m going to pay a visit to that local doctor with the cane.
07:01: Practiced some heroic poses for my eventual commemorative statues. It’s good that you made me look so attractive, Mighty One. Speechless on this one, my gal has confidence that is for sure
11:06 Heard someone shouting “Die, Eros Immortal!” in the distance. I rushed to the rescue, but it turned out to be a Tenacious Bee brutally smashing a scarecrow.
09:57 I just heard a voice in my head say: ‘Restore your health, then fight.’ My god, is that you, or am I going crazy? 09:57 Well, I’m truly tired of being nearly dead. Her health was quite low for a good bit of time, spot on as always.
22:53: Found out that toxic waste doesn’t give you superpowers.
08:08 I just heard a voice in my head say: ‘Upgrade your skills, stop being cheated by traders.’ My god, is that you, or am I going crazy? 08:08 In order to sell something unneeded, one has to get something unneeded first. So true, she has zero items when I said that.
08:04 I sat on a rock to have lunch, but was stunned by the sudden roar from heaven: ‘Learn how to shoot a gun, that’s always useful.’ I choked on a donut. 08:05 While thinking over some random occurrence, I unwittingly earned some experience. Learning even more things I am, literally
07:04 A bush near me just burst into flames and the flames spelled: ‘Is now a better time for you to restore your health young lady? : ).’. Finally, a campfire! 07:04 An inner voice commands me to heal myself. Done! Whoa! She listened when I said restore your health. Went up to 92 on the health bar. Neat!
06:57 I’m sorry, Great One. I’m afraid I can’t do that right now. Who knew? She listens but then she knew she was going to get into another fight. I was asking her to restore her health.
06:29 What a surprise! Thud436 stopped by to visit me. We talked over a few drinks of ambrosia.
05:42 Sorry this is such a one-sided conversation, Great One. How was your day?
Gwen-The-Slow is defeated. Vyctorious added 703 coins to her treasury. Vyctorious now has a lock of Gwen-The-Slow’s hair and a golden brick for the temple at her disposal. Second skirmish win! That golden brick got smashed to pieces later. Was very luck to stumble upon that skirmish just before I went to bed!!
06:45: Stumbled upon an elven beehive. Laughed hard at the pointy-eared bees. Instant classic
06:33: I guess I’ll never figure out how to replace Adam’s apple with a pear. Whatever. I’ll find something else to do. Another repeated quest
23:52: Chroid suddenly rushed past me, barked “Hi”, and finished off the Gummy Wyrm. I’d better make more friends, it seems they can come in handy sometimes.
21:29: Had some fun at the ‘The Rusty Goblin.’ Spent 936 gold coins. Lmao, again she had some fun, what a price Day 27
13:43: I successfully completed my quest to ‘replace Adam’s apple with a pear’, yet nothing happened. Quest 33 Replace Adam’s apple with a pear
10:17: Put my “awkward silence” skill into practice and got a 24% discount. Sweet!
05:30: A strange looking person with a colander on his head mumbled to me: ‘Sure was me! Spread the word and let others know of my greatness.’ Is he a member of some kind of secret society? Day 26
21:56: While crying on my shoulder, the Pocket Monster wept and told me that his god was paying him less and less attention. Feeling sympathetic, I presented him with a trollface.
17:36: Hooray! I’ve reached level 16! Day 25
16:28: I can name the capital of anywhere in the universe. For example, the capital of Godville is ‘G’.
09:23: I was walking along a path when I noticed a long trail of wilted flowers behind me… I believe it’s time I took a bath.
09:17: Argued with myself about the existence of pumpkins, cakes, and other anomalies.
06:16: My quest to ‘slam the revolving door’ was a triumph! Got a golden brick too. 06:16: Finally found the revolving door and slammed it. Unfortunately, it came around and slammed me back… An expected result
06:15: The Hateful Double Dragon was shredded into tiny strips. I picked up a horseshoe from a spherical horse and 24 gold coins. 06:05: Skillfully dodged an attack from the Hateful Double Dragon by bending over to tie my shoe. 06:00: Heard a loud growl. Please let that be my stomach… Nope, it’s a Hateful Double Dragon! Epic battle, took 15 real world minutes to vanquish the beast
06:00: I am a leaf on the wind… Watch how I soar. She finally became virtuous, encouraging her now yields different diary phrases Day 25
19:19: Experienced a brief moment of frozen time today as the word ‘AUTOSAVE’ flashed above me in the sky, then vanished just as quickly.
19:12: Bought a prepacked omelette. Nice and delicious. 19:12: I successfully completed my quest to ‘make an omelette without breaking any eggs’, yet nothing happened. Odd usually something happens, maybe this quest was too silly or easy
15:56: Met a travelling shoemaker. He promised to heel me, save my sole and even dye for me. Strange fellow.
14:31: Spent some time debugging Godville by crushing cockroaches with my boot. The hits continue, got a good chuckle out of this line.
12:58: After shouting ‘Didn’t I kill you already?’, the Schizophrenic Hydra perished. Day 24 reincarnation is alive and well
16:32: Attended a concert by the Wandering Elven Bard. Man, it was awesome, though the ticket was quite pricey. I paid 1182 coins for it. Ouch!
10:47: What a surprise! Thud436 stopped by to visit me. We talked over a few drinks of iodine solution. Day 23 4th friend encounter
10:42: Suddenly realized that to pull a hat out of a rabbit doesn’t sound heroic enough for my chronicles. Thank you, Almighty, that could have been a real stain on my reputation! Day 23 Lol, 2nd cancelled quest, we did this one already, have to be vigilant
09:49: My plan of doing no work has finally paid off. There’s so much paperwork piled up to be done that no one dares to fire me – no one will ever want my job. Quest 28 Avoid doing any work Day 23 lol
08:13: Had an appointment with the guild doctor. He squinted slyly and told me to choose one of two pills. Took the red one. Felt much better. Day 23
08:39: Walked into the local tavern, spat on the floor, knocked over a chair, glared intensely at everyone in the room and asked for a glass of chocolate milk. Day 25
17:48: What a surprise! Godville glory stopped by to visit me. We talked over a few drinks of healing potions. Day 23
05:50: That hat was hard to reach, but I got it. Magic! 05:50: Quest to ‘pull a hat out of a rabbit’ has been completed! Received some experience and a wish for good luck. Quest #26 Pull a hat out of a rabbit
03:56: On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down. 01:46: Omnipotent One, I’m dead! Don’t you know any cheat codes? 01:11: Boredom forced me to study a nearby anthill. Earned a bit of experience. 01:01: And somehow I thought death was a once in a lifetime experience. 00:56: Shamefully died by the hand of the Purple Hero Eater. Day 22, never realized they can learn things when they are dead, they say funny things when dead too, 2nd official death How will she ever become virtuous if she keeps dying, have to figure that out
16:26: Waved my “Wild Seven” badge in the surgeon’s face, showing off my guild status, and got patched up for free. Day 22, nice!! More benefits from Wild Seven
16:22: Had a nice conversation with myself. Learned a lot from it. Day 22, lol
02:11: Broke the ice between me and my new friend, Sasuke uchiha 2. Fell into the freezing waters below. N-n-n-ice… Day 20 New friend cool, welcome
01:06: All things considered, trying to find a monk in the mountains and ask him for a ‘lotus pose’ guidebook was rather stupid anyway. I hope someone else will finish it. Day 19, first cancelled quest, looked like more trouble
00:25: Quest to ‘travel back in time to prevent myself from starting this quest’ has been completed! Got a pot of gold. Let’s go on a shopping spree! Day 19, Quest #21 Travel back in time to prevent myself from starting this quest, the last two quests have been particularly tough, glad it is over
20:49: Someone told me once: ‘You are what you eat.’ I must be pretty nuts then. Day 19 the hits continue lol
20:39: Opened a bottle hoping to find a genie. Found some booze instead. Wish granted. Day 19, Lol
19:09: I descended into a dark cavern and felt something sinister nearby. It’s pitch black… Am I going to be eaten by a grue or something? Day 19, something interesting awaits
01:29: My Lord, hurry up and resurrect me before I enter the afterlife! I’m pretty sure the thousands I’ve slain aren’t waiting to embrace me with open arms and affection. Day 18, one life comes another goes.
20:36: Vyctorious happened to be standing next to me in the shop, and prevented the trader from cheating me. It’s good to have friends. Day 18 In reference to Eros Eternal, again friends pay off
22:00: Felt a burning desire to disassemble the continuum transfunctioner. Found a notarized document inside stating that I’ve died fewer times than I thought. Splendid. Day 18 Reduced death count by 2, she is happy : )
04:57: My quest to ‘tell the plumber that his princess is in another castle’ was a triumph! Got a golden brick too. Quest #18 Tell the plumber that his princess is in another castle
02:24: Success! The vicious Hippopotamouse is defeated! Tonight I will regale the townsfolk with tales of my heroic conquest, and they shall reward me with many pints of ale! Day 16, either she is advancing or the quests are getting more interesting lol
01:48: Doctor saw my guild badge, measured 50cc of living water, and poured it onto my head. Day 16 First recognized guild doctor visit
01:06: Met Godville glory. Borrowed some food and a couple of healing potions. Feeling much better now. Day 16 Friends definitely help, 3rd separate friend encounter
06:46: Entered a bamboo grove to get some rest and met Chroid there. Drank from mugs to celebrate the lucky meeting and smoked a peace-pipe. Lost track of time. Day 16, meeting with same friends again, cool
00:16: In a sudden epiphany, I realized that time is an illusion. Lunchtime, doubly so. Day 15, my gal has philosophical wit who knew?
23:12: Somehow I’ve managed to answer nature’s call. Found a chest full of money. Gonna go on a shopping spree Day 15, completion of Quest #16 Answer nature’s call
03:14: Chroid suddenly rushed past me, finished off the Heavenraiser, gave me a jaunty wave and disappeared into the woods. Thanks! Day 14, second friend to help!
03:11: The Santa Claws bag suddenly jumped out of my backpack, fell to the ground, started to sizzle, and slowly transformed into a pick of destiny. I love these SFX! Day 13
19:41: Dreamt I was eating a huge marshmallow. When I awoke, my pillow was gone. Day 13 lmao
06:33: Found someone who allowed me to join “Wild Seven”. Hi, fellows! Day 12, finally
22:41: While the enemy was taking a time-out, Eros Immortal helped me cleanse my wounds and fed me some deliciously fresh buns. Day 12, 1st help from a friend.
21:25: Great One, I love the way you stage fights where I look hopelessly outmatched, and then show you’ve got everything under control by saving me in the nick of time… because you do have everything under control, right? Day 11 lol
12:03: Notes from the battlefield: Nork was defeated. Vyctorious added 304 coins to her treasury. Vyctorious got a new piece of equipment: “cloak of permissiveness”. Vyctorious put a lock of Nork’s hair, and a golden brick for the temple into her bag. First skirmish win : )