Hero

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Sir Nonnaly

level 72

☢ The cake is a lie!

Age 7 years 9 months
Personality neutral
Guild no guild
Monsters Killed about 170 thousand
Death Count 97
Wins / Losses 133 / 94
Temple Completed at 09/21/2012
Wood for Ark 36.1%
Savings 4M, 167k (13.9%)
Pet Alpha centaur Sneezy

Equipment

Weapon rambow +80
Shield political correctness +81
Head demolition derby +81
Body bullyproof vest +81
Arms motion-capture dots +81
Legs kilt of mooning +83
Talisman tentacled pentacle +81

Skills

  • oak cloaking level 61
  • flying bird level 51
  • death by snu-snu level 49
  • fanned fingers level 48
  • steel finger level 47
  • brain dilution level 47
  • effect of the groundhog level 46
  • winged swing level 45
  • cri de coeur level 38
  • sunstroke level 34

Pantheons

Gratitude106
Might9308
Templehood2418
Gladiatorship2647
Storytelling407

Achievements

  • Animalist, 1st rank
  • Builder, 1st rank
  • Favorite, 1st rank
  • Champion, 2nd rank
  • Invincible, 2nd rank
  • Martyr, 2nd rank
  • Renegade, 2nd rank
  • Saint, 2nd rank
  • Shipwright, 2nd rank
  • Careerist, 3rd rank
  • Hunter, 3rd rank

Hero's Chronicles

The crisp air filled his nostrils and awakened his lungs. Without pause or hesitation, Young Nonnaly climbed the stone steps to the circular platform. The one created for him, and him alone.

He knelt down, slowly, gracefully. Situated on the edge of the dais, he waited with infinite patience. His earthly body bade his heart beat rapidly in his chest, but the state of his mind was reflected in his calm respiration.

A wisp of smoke appeared, gathered itself, and grew larger. Soon a swirling mass of wind formed, became denser, gathered like a gray beard, and solidified. In a flash, the mighty Nonnal appeared.

Meekly, Nonnaly raised his eyes to his deity, allowing his long locks to fall to the sides of his youthful face.

“That is quite an amazing head of hair you have there, Nonnaly,” remarked his god with pride.

The hero didn’t miss a beat. “I just shampoo and repeat like it says,” responded Nonnaly with humility.

That got Nonnal thinking. The god pursed his lips, then glanced down at his humble servant. “Say, why ARE there directions on the back of shampoo?” he asked. “Who needs directions to use shampoo? I mean, if you don’t know to use it, you probably won’t be buying it. Who is going into the village trading post thinking, ‘I need something that I can put in my hair to clean it while I’m in the sparkling spring…let’s see what they have that will do that’? The answer is what you just said—THOSE ARE the directions!”

Nonnaly couldn’t agree more. “Yeah, who are those directions for, anyway? Pretty much, if you are so clueless as to need to read the directions, then you ARE the person who is going to repeat.”

“Exactly!” Nonnal smiled at his hero’s understanding.

The young Nonnaly continued with genuine passion, his voice rising to match the enthusiasm of his rapid heartbeat. “I resent the fact that they say ‘repeat as needed.’ ‘As needed’ implies that it may not work the first time. What kind of product are they pushing on us? If it’s not going to work, just say so. It’s like when you buy that generic store brand shampoo—it’s in the container that looks like Head and Shoulders, but WE ALL KNOOOWW that it’s not Head and Shoulders. When we pick that bad boy up for three gold coins, we KNOW that it’s going to be necessary to repeat.”

The mighty god Nonnal was most pleased. “Your intrinsic need for justice and your innate passion are quite apparent. You are most deserving of my attention and grace.” He touched his sword to his hero’s shoulder. “Rise, Sir Nonnaly.”

Nonnaly, now knighted, solemnly rose to his feet. He breathed deeply, savoring the reverence of the moment. But when he looked up, the great Nonnal was gone, leaving only a wisp of smoke behind.

“I will serve you faithfully, Nonnal,” Sir Nonnaly committed. “I will serve you faithfully.”

(end of main chronicles)

x x x x x x x x x

03:14 Noticed a scrap of paper in the center of the dais. Didn’t remember seeing it before. It read, “The cake is a lie.” Is this a clue? A quest? A warning? Only time will tell. My adventure is just beginning.

00:42 Dropped all the letters on the floor, and as I did, I saw them form into an implicit command: “I seek a chi tale.” I hear you, my lord. I will pursue my quest with an energy that will make you proud.

09:22 Gave up my hard-earned role as a “follower” in my first guild by completing the quest of joining Warped Quantum. Can now proudly claim membership is this fantastic guild. Although I am back to being a lowly “fan” and will need to earn my way back up the ladder, I haven’t been this excited since I drew my first Pascal’s Triangle.

Day 739 g.e. A sudden gust of wind blew the tavern door open, and the candles throughout the room flickered. A hazy, bearded figure emerged from the mist, his translucent arms effortlessly carrying the lanky, grizzled form of a knight. He lay the gaunt human on the bar and motioned to the barkeep to bring a drink. Before anyone could speak a word, the bearded figure dissipated in a cloud of smoke.

His eyes flickering open, Sir Nonnaly slowly raised himself up. He glanced around the room, his eyes searching for the friendly faces he knew would be there. His jaw bore a month’s worth of unkempt beard, and his eyes spoke of a fatigue born of untold quests.

“I knew…” his voice trailed off, and he gathered his strength to speak again: “I knew that you would be here. Thank you for your friendship, and for remembering me.” He turned and nodded at Mesc, whose face still showed the reflected glow of his new temple, and then he turned and marveled at the four other fellows celebrating newly completed temples since his abrupt departure.

“Tomorrow, there will be time for stories and explanation. Tonight, we drink to our brave and mighty guildmates!” And with that, Sir Nonnaly lay down on the bar and fell soundly asleep.

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Statistics may be found at Sir Nonnaly’s godwiki page here: http://wiki.godvillegame.com/index.php/Sir_Nonnaly