Quest #24 – Grow a spine:
This was the hardest thing I had to do. And I didn’t even have a genitronic replicator to help me. Something about ‘not having enough organ redundancies’ and ‘it’s only experimental’ and ‘it killed the last guy that used it’. Pff! Whatever Dr. Russell.
Quest #22 – Solve the Sphinx’s Riddle:
What goes on four legs in the morning, on two legs at noon, and on three legs in the evening?? I don’t know what the answer is but I do know this…the Sphinx is one dirty girl.
Quest #21 – Replace Adam’s apple with a pear:
Pears are better for Adam anyway. Especially if he’s experiencing constipation. Am I right Eve?
Quest #19 – Put the sign ‘100 miles to Godville’ in the proper place:
Looks like I got some walkin’ to do! Hmm. I bet the proper place is in ‘that’ direction. Let’s go!
Quest #18 – Find a way to put the toothpaste back into the tube:
Did I miss a step in this chain? It must have been related to getting the toothpaste in the first place…or at least about escorting the toothpaste tube-maker out of a dungeon or mine or something right?
Quest #16 – Paint the grass on this side greener than the other side:
Unfortunately, I need to go over to the other side with my paint to see if it’s greener over there or over here.
Quest #15 – Go where the wind never blows:
Better not eat any beans before I go.
Quest #14 – Reject reality and substitute your own:
Sounds like I’m going on a trip! I love trips! Especially ones with Adam Savage. I hope we bust the myth that my Almighty is just some computer monkey with nothing better to do.
Quest #13 – Buy a goose that lays golden eggs and mold the eggs into golden bricks:
This will be my most daunting quest yet! I especially wonder how I am going to complete it having turned those beans into a magical dip. It was a really good dip, by the way. I should have saved some for the Almighty.
Quest #12 – Become the 233rd member of the guild “OMGkittensMewMewMew”:
My god didn’t like this quest (sniff). Guess I’ll find something else to do with my ‘OMG I’m the 233rd member of OMGkittensMewMewMew’ t-shirt.
Quest #11 – Dream a dream within a dream:
Ooh. I hope Leo DiCaprio is in it!
Quest #10 – Find the Fountain of Middle Age:
I bet it’s near a Ferrari dealership!
Quest #9 – Debug an abacus:
More like an abugcus. Get it? An aBUGcus? Ah! Almighty. I hope you have a sense of humor.
Quest #8 – Make ends meet:
What ends?? And if they meet, then they’re not ends anymore! Aw! This is a think-y one…
Quest #7 – Cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with a herring:
What would a herring be doing in a tree? Well, at least it’s not likely I will find more than one tree with a herring in it, so maybe I’ll just cut down all the trees with herrings in them that I find until the quest tracker tells me to go back to town.
Quest #6 – Find a word that rhymes with purple:
Easy. Nurple. Next!
Quest #5 – Laugh in the face of danger until it cries:
Hopefully danger doesn’t punch me in the face until I am unable to laugh. Ooh, maybe it’ll punch me in the funny bone. That’ll give me a one-up!
Quest #4 – Boldly go where no one has gone before:
Well this should be easy. I’ve got bold down pat! Now to find a place to go…I guess I’ll just wander that way.
Quest #3 – Meet an immovable object with an unstoppable force:
This is proving to be quite the challenge. I know where the immovable object is, but I’ve never seen anything capable of getting my mother-in-law to move out. It must be a great force indeed!
Quest #2 – Increase the Quest total by one:
Now isn’t that just plain silly? I mean, the map doesn’t even show where I have to go to complete this. I should just terminate my Hero membership and take up backgammon.
Quest #1 – Sell some sand to desert nomads:
Sounds easy at first, I mean, when you’ve got a monopoly on sand, you need to buy up the competition to stay ahead of the game, right? The tricky part is finding those darn nomads in between the riding of all those worms. I really should have just looked for their blue eyes. And my god should have also not made me color-blind.