Finn was born the son of two squirrels. To this day, he wonders how he came into being. He was the runt of the litter, not participating with his fellow squirrels in the art of nutcracking. He was also very stupid. When he went to Godville High, he got a Z since he seemed to not only comprehend numbers, he thought that they were runes meant to capture him. Many believed he would never change, that he would be perpetually dumb.
This changed when the benevolant MorganFreemen chose him as his champion. Actually, he is still stupid. But we can asume he is heroicly stupid.
Now, bearing the title “TheHumanBeing”, he roams the land in search of fame, fortune and a nice drink at the local tavern. His masterful display of butt-whooping is matched only by his lack of self-preservation.
One of his adventures lead him to the awesome ruins of a forgotten temple. It was littered with shiny things called “gold bricks”. Seeking to please his patron, he embarks on a quest to complete all 1000 golden bricks and build the all handsome MorganFreemen a temple worthy of his greatness.
Tune in for more of Finn’s exploits!
Adventure log number one:
I looked around, the sun shining brightly. Almighty has given me a laughable quest. I saw my prey and grabbed my ridiculous weapon. This really is not a suitable weapon.
Fight a Cereal Killer, he said. It will be fun, he said
As if.
“Pity hero! Fear me!”
Ugh. Why do I always get the psychos? The Cereal Killer constantly pets its box of Vodkha-O’s.
“Do we really have to go true with this?” I said. “Isn’t there like a kill button and you just die?”
The Cereal Killer simply attacked me.
I hate being a hero.
Adventure log number two:
“You shall not pass!” I said out loud.
The Sun Dog in front of me simply barked back. Wow. I think I just wet my pants. But, since I’m a hero, I must be brave
“Very well then, oh mighty beast, let us fight.”
I pulled out my sword and swung. The dog moved out of the way and tackled me to the ground. Ugh. Dirt tastes like dirt.
I tried standing up but the Sun Dog had me pinned. Something popped at the back of my mind. I believe this is what they call an “idea”.
“Look! It’s a superbly sexy female with a bone!”.
The beast looked at where I had pointed. I took the oppurtunity to turn him over and pin him to the ground. I prepared to give the killing blow. I heard it whimper.
When I looked into his eyes, I saw something. I saw… I saw… it’s iris. But, what was more disturbing was that I saw myself. The same little pup that was ignored and was never good at cracking nuts or digging a hole. We were the same.
I let it go. The Sun Dog looked at me expectantly. Another one of those “ideas” came to me. I grabbed a small red and white ball in my pack and threw it. It him hard.
“Weird. It worked with that kid with the weird hat. Was it Charcoal or Ash? Nevermind.”
I then decided to simply put a leash on him. Now a name. I wish Almighty could help me. Nah. It’s my pet.
Since he looked like a pig, I named him Pumba! Now that’s an original name!