Heroine

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Penelopesue 4

level 106

BEEMO-CHOP!

Age 4 years 11 months
Personality neutral
Guild Adventure Time
(glob)
Monsters Killed about 388 thousand
Death Count 111
Wins / Losses 8 / 11
Temple Completed at 11/25/2019
Ark Completed at 03/12/2021 (238.1%)
Pairs Gathered at 04/13/2023
Words in Book 2.2%
Savings 13M, 417k (44.7%)
Pet Philosoraptor Thumper 32nd level
Boss Turmerisk with 50% of power

Equipment

Weapon tearjerker +119
Shield magnetic field +119
Head blasting cap +117
Body anti-trust suit +118
Arms fitness trackers +119
Legs bonus footage +118
Talisman amulet of false hope +118

Skills

  • intimate tickling level 101
  • contagious yawning level 101
  • opacity control level 100
  • street magic level 95
  • drunken rampage level 93
  • lossy compression level 85
  • strike of the rabbit level 82
  • dove of peace level 68
  • self-propelled feet level 64
  • full throttle level 58

Feats

  • ⓵ Take personality to the extreme
  • ⓵ Die to a monster and lose 15k gold

Pantheons

Might4427
Templehood31936
Unity111
Popularity307
Duelery106
Adventure152

Achievements

  • Animalist, 1st rank
  • Builder, 1st rank
  • Favorite, 1st rank
  • Freelancer, 1st rank
  • Savior, 1st rank
  • Shipwright, 1st rank
  • Fiend, 2nd rank
  • Hunter, 2nd rank
  • Martyr, 2nd rank
  • Moneybag, 2nd rank
  • Saint, 2nd rank
  • Careerist, 3rd rank
  • Champion, 3rd rank
  • Renegade, 3rd rank
  • Scientist, 3rd rank

Hero's Chronicles

10/23/23 Boynus — 111th-level adventurer, member of the “Ganja Smokers Local 420” guild, with the motto “Usurper, Terrence Treeman”, stands at the 17th position in the pantheon of Destruction under the vigilant supervision of the god Terrence treeman. “I am overworked and underpaid,” he claims.

6/30/22 08:51 PM Met Boynus. Told him that I’m developing a phobia concerning monsters. He suggested that I slay more of them to overcome it. What a great solution!

9/4/2021 18:49 Sometimes I think about Boynus, but most of the time I don’t.

*8/13/202112:21 Dropped to the ground and the Tire Iron Lion lost interest. Thanks, five-second rule.

8/13/2021 12:19 Boynus ran past and high-fived me. I realized too late that he’d tagged me into a battle with this Tire Iron Lion.

8/8/2021 20:50 I guess a raven is like a writing desk because there is a ‘b’ in both and an ‘n’ in neither.
My quest to find out how a raven is like a writing desk was a triumph! I’m making a note here: “huge success”. Got a golden brick too.

8/7/2021 09:06 Picked up the morning paper. The headlines said that a hero had been killed trying to find out how a raven is like a writing desk. Almighty, I think I will pick up where that hero left off.

6/4/221 20:34 Met Boynus and together we rested by a campfire. The warm meal and the good company helped restore quite a bit of my health.

5/18/2021 GUILD SPOTLIGHT Adventure Time is a bunch of heroes and heroines occupying 94th place in the pantheon of popularity. Rumor says there are about 32 of them. The highest rank here is “glob”. Almost every guild member finds it offensive to prove that the other heroes’ gods don’t exist.

5/10/2021 19:54 That took some work. Yes, the cradle of love doesn’t rock easily. It’s true.
Just as I was telling myself that my quest to rock the cradle of love wouldn’t complete itself, it did! Found myself with 2513 gold coins in my pockets.

5/10/2021 03:19 Overheard the mayor shout ‘Will no one rock the cradle of love?’ What an opportunity!

5/10/2021 10:41 The locals of Quirkytown have dubbed Yakousei and me “The Dream Team”. Because we both pass out at the first sign of danger.

5/8/2021 20:50 Finally managed to peel the thing out of the background, but when I got it to the bank, the cashier informed me it had no watermarks. I’m going back to Godville to dip it in the harbor.
Managed to cash a background check. Got a quest completion certificate.

5/8/2021 04:06 The Procrastinator raised its hand for a deadly final strike, but Thumper suddenly flung himself at the monster’s feet. The monster stumbled and fell dead on the ground, breaking its neck. Good job, Thumper! You’ve saved my life and thanks to your medal you didn’t even hurt yourself!

5/8/2021 07:32 Overslept so there was only one quest remaining on the board. Nobody ever wants to cash a background check.

4/20/2021 11:04 After such a glorious battle with the Philosoraptor I could not bring myself to deliver the finishing blow. Instead, he will be my new companion. Come along, Thumper, let’s go questing!

4/9/2021 02:05 All the catfish did was flip, flop and flap in the litter box until I put it back in the tank. Now it’s floating at the top. I hope no one notices for a while.
My quest to train a catfish to use a litter box was completed with excellence. Got a shiny golden brick and felt great about it.

4/8/2021 14:04 You know what? Let’s train a catfish to use a litter box.

3/29/2021 04:28 The poor dragon was wearing a pink frilly tutu and a diaper when I finally managed to rescue him.
Finally completed my quest to rescue the dragon from the princess. Got some experience and a golden brick after a long, draggy cutscene.

3/28/2021 11:53 A secret Godville defense organization informed me that it was imperative, for national security, that I rescue the dragon from the princess. Ah, the things I do for beer… er… Godville, I mean Godville!

3/25/2021 23:58 The guild psychiatrist giving the Rorschach test thinks I’m weird. What a hypocrite! He’s the one painting pictures of Boynus performing strange acts with an empirical ruler!

3/25/2021 23:57 I decided to take the backdoor into El Herado, but it turns out that the back door was the main door and I had been using the back door thinking it was the main door the whole time.

3/24/2021 20:22 Broke the smile. Cracked the joke. No idea what to do now. Just going to leave this stuff here and run before anyone finds out.
My quest to crack a joke without breaking a smile has been completed! Received some experience and a wish for good luck.

3/24/2021 03:50 A sage told me that a prophecy called for a brave, valiant heroine to crack a joke without breaking a smile. But, since he couldn’t find one, I’d have to suffice.

3/22/2021 19:42 Story of my life. I shouldn’t be here, but in the tavern instead.
A heroine’s work is never done, but my quest to be the wrong person in the wrong place at the wrong time certainly is. This golden brick is a nice reward for such a thankless job.

3/21/2021 22:00 As I was walking by a wedding, the bride threw her bouquet, and I adroitly caught it in mid-air. An accompanying note read, “be the wrong person in the wrong place at the wrong time.” Well, a trip out of town seems like a good idea, especially since the bridesmaids appear very cross with me for some reason.

3/15/2021 17:42 After having no luck, I just pretended to grab a key and shove it in a box in front of me. Surprisingly, it opened. The contents were unbelievable!
They told me that it would be a piece of cake to find an imaginary key to unlock an invisible box in a hidden room. Well, I don’t see any cake, and I can’t eat this stupid golden brick either.

3/15/2021 04:50 I awoke to see that Sparky had clawed several marks on the ground. Upon further examination, these marks spelled out, “find an imaginary key to unlock an invisible box in a hidden room.” I guess Sparky really wants me to do this for him.

3/14/2021 16:19 Considered atheism, but there weren’t enough holidays.

3/12/2021 21:14 A log! A thousandth log! I’m even ready for a flood now. Not that I’m asking for it, Great One.

3/10/2021 19:54 Yakousei told me that even the most stingy traders would bite at the scale of justice. If that’s true, the fish will bite for sure.

3/8/2021 19:48 Argued with Yakousei about who my culture shock absorber truly belonged to. Cut it in half to prove it was mine.

3/5/2021 14:05 That was easy. That fish can’t drink at all, it’s just floating sideways in the barrel of beer I threw it into.
They told me that it would be a piece of cake to beat a fish in a drinking contest. Well, I don’t see any cake, and I can’t eat this stupid golden brick either.

3/5/2021 01:41 Ever since I was a child I never had the courage to beat a fish in a drinking contest. Time to face my fears!

2/13/2021 01:42 While many would be tempted to consider this quest rhetorical, I chose to carve a marble statue of that gorgeous and sophisticated orator Isocrates.
I’ve finally managed to sculpt a figure of speech. My titanic efforts were rewarded with a golden brick and some pocket change.

2/12/2021 19:17 Played truth or dare with Cartman37. He dared me to sculpt a figure of speech. Time to do a new quest!

2/10/2021 21:44 Note to self: “How am I writing in my diary while fighting?”

2/10/2021 17:35 Sparky got tired of my constant dawdling, grabbed me by the neck and dragged me at top speed for several miles.

2/10/2021 10:44 Discovered that divine facial hair is just not my style. Here, my lady, you can have it back, now.
For completing the epic quest I was complimented, fed and given six logs for the ark and a golden brick as a reward.

2/9/2021 11:25 An epic journey of a thousand milestones begins with a drunken dare to climb the social ladder to get god’s beard.

2/8/2021 23:14 Finally completed my quest to find a cashew plantation and go nuts. Got some experience and a golden brick after a long, draggy cutscene.

2/7/2021 16:13 After a long night celebrating the completion of my last quest, I woke up in a strange barn with a note pinned to my shirt commanding me to find a cashew plantation and go nuts. I’ll start on that right after a quick nap.

2/3/2021 14:55 Ended up writing a few books on all the unfortunate events that I witnessed. All I need is a pseudonym to publish them under.
I’ve finally managed to document a series of unfortunate events. My titanic efforts were rewarded with a golden brick and some pocket change.

2/3/2021 08:22 Who: Penelopesue. What: To document a series of unfortunate events. When: Immediately. Where: Anywhere but here. Why: Trust me, Almighty, you really don’t want to know.

1/25/2021 01:16 The tribe of tribbles reached its critical mass and loudly transformed into something that immediately ran off into the forest. It left 11185 coins and a few bold things in my bag.

12/10/2020 10:11 It worked! That kleptomaniac now only takes the lives of monsters; figuratively speaking, of course.
A heroine’s work is never done, but my quest to teach a kleptomaniac to stop taking everything literally certainly is. This golden brick is a nice reward for such a thankless job.

12/9/2020 23:58 As I sat under a tree, a spider descended on its silken thread and stopped in front of my face. Clutched in its legs was a tiny rolled-up parchment upon which was written, “teach a kleptomaniac to stop taking everything literally”. Looks like another job for me to do!

12/9/2020 09:39 The local sheriff gave me 2400 coins for the head of the Tyrannosaurus-Ex and asked me to bring more.

11/28/2020 18:38 Well, it WAS sleeping. Now where did I put my aloe?
Had finally managed to poke a sleeping dragon in the eye and run away when I was ambushed by a prize committee with an oversized check for 2307 coins. Time to celebrate.

11/27/2020 12:52 I don’t know what I was thinking. Last night, I was so drunk, I got a tattoo that says, “poke a sleeping dragon in the eye and run away” and the doctor says I have to actually do the quest before he’ll remove it.

11/27/2020 15:35 Involving four dimensions and otherworldly beings, this quest was way over my head. Fortunately, I was able to copy some notes I found so I could skip to the end.
I successfully completed the quest to discover who sits at the head of the Round Table. Looted treasure — check! Slain princess — check! Rescued dragon — check… Um… I think I made a mistake somewhere. I’d better get rid of the evidence…

11/25/2020 06:05 After a long night celebrating the completion of my last quest, I woke up in a strange barn with a note pinned to my shirt commanding me to discover who sits at the head of the Round Table. I’ll start on that right after a quick nap.

11/24/2020 11:47 Offered Boynus a ride on Sparky so we could use the high-occupancy alpha centaur lane.

11/19/2020 15:33 Met Yakousei. Borrowed some food and a few bottles of healing water. Feeling much better now.

11/6/2020 16:56 Charged towards the Speed Sloth. Charged around the Speed Sloth. Charged off into the distance.

11/4/2020 17:40 I just got news that Boynus bit the dust, so I tried it. Gritty and dry with an earthy flavor.

10/28/2020 22:54 Won several rounds of darts against Boynus at the pub, so he had to pay for the drinks. I guess I’ll put these 8738 gold coins away for a rainy day.

10/28/2020 22:49 OK, Fearsome One, I’ll leave the decision of me going to Molotov’s Cocktail Bar up to you. So, should I go? A) Yes, B) A, C) B, D) All of the above. Pick whichever answer you think is right for me.

10/28/2020 14:52 Ran into ShadowMachine X. Now we both have a headache.

10/23/2020 02:16 Vaillant victory versus virulent vermin valided!
A heroine’s work is never done, but my quest to violently vanquish virulent vermin certainly is. This golden brick is a nice reward for such a thankless job.

10/22/2020 14:21 Checked my horoscope in the Godville Times. Apparently today is a good day for me to violently vanquish virulent vermin. Can’t wait to get started.

10/22/2020 13:16 Only Almighty knows why attention insists on such gruesome payment. A lot of ducks and platypusses gave their lives for this quest.
Though I was hoping that succeeding in my quest to pay attention in small bills would win the respect and admiration of my peers, this golden brick will have to suffice.

10/22/2020 05:12 Played truth or dare with Boynus. He dared me to pay attention in small bills. Time to do a new quest!

10/21/2020 20:00 After shouting, “I wish I’d never met you!”, the Prancing Pony perished.

10/18/2020 16:27 It was a grizzly venture, and the bear had some polarizing ideas, but in the end you have to panda it to him.
Sweet! By completing my quest to help a bear become koalafied, I received some experience and… a monster repellent. Again? Really? Oh well, at least I can sell it.

10/18/2020 02:38 A bloodied man in battered armor crawled out from behind a bush, muttered something in a foreign language, and died. Not sure what he said, but I have a sudden urge to help a bear become koalafied. Off I go!

10/15/2020 17:10 As I was going through Godville, I saw a sign that read, “Keep calm and start a magic-beans-for-livestock exchange program.” Well, then.

10/9/2020 23:58 The pantheon paperwork is so confusing, it has to be intentional. There must be some conspiracy at work here.
Finally! My quest to audit all the pantheons of Godville is done. After hearing about how epic I was, I humbly accepted six logs for the ark and a gift-wrapped, triple-sized chunk of experience.

10/9/2020 14:33 I’ve been chosen for an epic mission! I was tasked with having to audit all the pantheons of Godville. But I have a feeling it will take a while…

9/22/2020 20:57 First I starved the cold, then I fed the fever, then starved, then fed, starved, fed. By the time I was all done, I was so confused it made me sick.
Had finally managed to starve a cold and feed a fever when I was ambushed by a prize committee with an oversized check for 2114 gold coins. Time to celebrate.

9/21/2020 17:07 There is an amazingly rabid woodcutter in the area. I’m glad I was here to protect this poor wolf.
My quest to escort the big bad wolf to granny’s house was a triumph! I’m making a note here: “huge success”. Got a golden brick too.

9/21/2020 02:47 Painted stars on the ceiling of the tavern. The owner was not pleased.
For completing the epic quest I was complimented, fed and given a pile of wooden ark planks and a golden brick as a reward.

9/20/2020 07:35 Strutted up to the quest giver and demanded an epic task worthy of my many skills. I must have exaggerated a bit too much because now he expects me to paint the sky with stars.

9/18/2020 22:40 Done! I win! I win! Oh… she doesn’t look happy. She seems to want my head. And I seem to want to run.
My quest to win a game of croquet against the queen of hearts was a triumph! I’m making a note here: “huge success”. Got a golden brick too.

9/18/2020 07:59 When the bartender said that only a complete dimwit would attempt to win a game of croquet against the queen of hearts, I sensed I might be on to something. When he added that he was ready to bet a week’s supply of beer that no one would be that idiotic, I knew I had found my next quest.

9/15/2020 12:34 Tilled the ground and then buried beer bottles. I can’t wait until I have a fresh crop of beer in a few months!
Had finally managed to plant a beer garden when I was ambushed by a prize committee with an oversized check for 2325 coins. Time to celebrate.

9/15/2020 03:56 Finally, I get a day off. To celebrate this time to myself, when I don’t have to do any questing, I think I’ll plant a beer garden, because I can!

9/14/2020 14:55 “O” is obviously 0, so it goes first. “I” looks like 1, so it goes second, then comes “A” for looking like 4, and “b” for looking like 6… “C” looks funny, so I’ll just throw it out…
My quest to put the alphabet in numerical order was a triumph! I’m making a note here: “huge success”. Got a golden brick too.

9/7/2020 11:09 I’ve spread blasphemies about all false gods and hopefully converted a few in the process.
When I finished my quest to spread blasphemies about all false gods, a sage approached me and let me choose my reward between gold coins or experience. The choice was obvious: kick his butt and take both.

9/5/2020 04:14 Time to show off my new look in town!
A heroine’s work is never done, but my quest to make a face until it’s stuck that way certainly is. This golden brick is a nice reward for such a thankless job.

9/4/2020 17:59 A strange holographic woman appeared before me and implored me to make a face until it’s stuck that way. On my honor, it will be done!

9/4/2020 17:09 La-la-la-la-la, not-thinking-about-what-caused-the-crack-in-the-first-place-because-that’s-too-scary, la-la-la-la-la!
Somehow I’ve managed to spackle over a crack in the space-time continuum. Found a chest full of money. Gonna drink heavily.

9/4/2020 03:42 A strange holographic woman appeared before me and implored me to spackle over a crack in the space-time continuum. On my honor, it will be done!

9/2/2020 05:27 I finished planting everyone, but I think I’ll take a few years before coming to a reunion. Right now, they’re a little nuts.
They told me that it would be a piece of cake to plant relatives to grow family trees. Well, I don’t see any cake, and I can’t eat this stupid golden brick either.

8/29/2020 17:18 Gave the ball to Schrödinger’s Cat as a toy. Now it’s a tangle of yarn all over the place, and reality is looking a little frayed.
My quest to unwind a ball of string theory has been completed! Received a pot of gold. Let’s go on a shopping spree!

8/26/2020 19:10 Why did the Capitalist Overlord cross the road? It didn’t. Because I killed it for 102 coins.

8/26/2020 19:07 As soon as the Capitalist Overlord turned its back, Sparky struck it from behind with a lug wrench.

8/26/2020 19:06 Did I just see Sparky rushing at the monster roaring “BEEMO-CHOP! !?”

8/20/2020 22:40 I was greedily lusting after the promised quest rewards, angry and envious of those who had completed it. Luckily, my pride didn’t let me give in to slothfulness, and after indulging in a drinking and eating binge to fortify myself, the quest completed itself.
For completing the epic quest I was complimented, fed and given six logs for the ark and a golden brick as a reward.

8/19/2020 Quest: Try all seven deadly sins (epic)

8/11/2020 21:12 Spent 4842 coins getting Heybaybay drunk enough to tell me about an interesting mark on his map.

8/10/2020 19:12 Crushed the Prawn of Satan like a bug. Tried to pull one of its legs off as a trophy, but it turned out to be a herring aid instead.

8/5/2020 16:39 As I sat under a tree, a spider descended on its silken thread and stopped in front of my face. Clutched in its legs was a tiny rolled-up parchment upon which was written, “count sheep without falling asleep”. Looks like another job for me to do!

8/2/2020 06:03 I guess a raven is like a writing desk because there is a ‘b’ in both and an ‘n’ in neither.
I’ve finally managed to find out how a raven is like a writing desk. My titanic efforts were rewarded with a golden brick and some pocket change.

7/25/2020 23:48 Sparky suddenly rushed in front of a runaway cart to rescue a child. I explained to the amazed onlookers that this was standard alpha centaur training by the Adventure Time guild. They will be talking about this for some time.

7/25/2020 12:10 Fell asleep during the guild lecture. Found “have to stop a child from becoming an atheist” on a scrap of paper when I awoke.

7/5/2020 10:40 And I’ll name this one Timmy, and that one Tommy, and… oops. Just stepped on Timmy. And kicked Tommy away. This isn’t going well…
My quest to raise a family of dust bunnies was a triumph! I’m making a note here: “huge success”. Got a golden brick too.

7/2/2020 10:22 My knapsack started to glow and I heard a whistle. Suddenly I found myself standing in the middle of Heisenburg square.

6/30/2020 19:13 Notes from the arena: Elite00 surrenders. Penelopesue definitely fulfilled her goddess’ expectations today! The winner receives a gold brick and 5608 coins.

6/24/2020 14:55 Found my name in a heart with an arrow through it carved into a tree. I think someone is planning to kill me.

6/15/2020 11:28 Overcome by the Undead Lethal Counsel, I boldly told it “I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.” Well, next life it is then.

6/15/2020 10:36 Operatically sang “BEEMO-CHOP! ” as loud as I could, but shattered my aura of bliss when I hit the high note. I’ll let someone else clean this up…

6/14/2020 11:07 Boy, herding cats is hard. I almost lost them several times. Then I figured out the best thing I could do is get in front and act like a rat. No problem for me!
A heroine’s work is never done, but my quest to drive a herd of cats from Dogville to Godville certainly is. This golden brick is a nice reward for such a thankless job.

6/12/2020 – 6/13/2020 GUILD SPOTLIGHT "Let it be known that the 34 members of *Adventure Time are some pretty cool guys. “glob” — that’s how elites of this guild like to call themselves. Motto, crest and hymn are invented, drawn and sang by each member independently.".*

6/11/2020 09:52 What a surprise! Altina stopped by to visit me. We chatted over a few drinks of iodine solution.

6/9/2020 15:23 Saw a queue of monsters preparing to ambush Boynus. I almost jumped in to help, but the line was too long.

6/7/2020 05:42 Met Yakousei in the shop looking for a purchase. He gave me some tips on how to dress. Apparently I look much better with this new daisy chainmail!

6/7/2020 21:34 Met Boynus outside the hospital with a broken arm. Signed his cast with “BEEMO-CHOP! ”.

6/6/2020 11:46 Saw a tree that had a heart etched into it with ‘Penelopesue + ShadowMachine X’ inside of it.

6/6/2020 10:53 Mighty One, I know you are the one, true and only goddess while all other deities are an anathema to you. But Yakousei’s “false” deity seems to heal him a lot more and punish him a lot less than you do. Just saying.

6/5/2020 17:08 I looked into the kind eyes of the vanquished monster and suddenly decided — Alpha Centaur, you’ll be my pet! And I’ll call you *Sparky. Bandaged his wounds, gave him a treat and fastened the leash. *

6/3/2020 10:35 Boynus challenged me to an archery contest. We had to leave when my first arrow got stuck in the Mayor’s hat.

6/2/2020 22:41 Cartman37 suddenly rushed past me, finished off the Machiavillain, gave me a jaunty wave and disappeared into the woods. Thanks!

6/1/2020 Quest: Catch a fly with chopsticks.

5/25/2020 19:28 The Tempered Glass Dragon told me I was devoid of all intelligence and personality. I disagreed and now I seem to be devoid of all life as well.

5/15/2020 17:20 Met Reeasa and borrowed her diary to read. Edited several entries to make it more appealing.

5/13/2020 10:46 Great One, I know you are the one, true and only goddess while all other deities are an anathema to you. But Boynus’s “false” deity seems to heal him a lot more and punish him a lot less than you do. Just saying.

5/12/2020 11:49 I didn’t manage to heal up my pet’s wound in time. Well, Nessie, your regenerating abilities will help you to recover, but I think level-ups and pantheons are not for you anymore. On the other hand, who needs those silly things anyway?

5/10/2020 23:49 The Feral Hero raised its hand for a deadly final strike against me, when Nessie suddenly threw himself under its feet. The monster stumbled and fell dead on the ground, its neck broken. Nessie was knocked out by the impact of the monster’s carcass. Oh, my Lady, if I don’t bring him back to his senses in time, he’ll lose all his levels and his will to compete!

5/9/2020 04:21 Yakousei came in and attacked the merchant, screaming about a fake healing potion. In the confusion, I took a pouch of cold coins from the counter.

5/9/2020 02:27 The doctor was running late, so Ani Ma and I discussed our ailments while waiting. Our symptoms are so similar!

5/8/2020 20:03 step 25: Boynus gets experience points for today’s win, while Penelopesue thanks her partner for a lesson.

5/8/2020 07:51 It seems that I’m about to imagine a fight. Stopped doing everything, sat on a stump and began to hallucinate. Boynus, can you hear me?

5/8/2020 11:01 If I were to become an atheist, would the Great One still love me?

5/7/2020 22:36 “The Diary of Penelopesue” sounds lame. Maybe I should call it “The Epic Chronicles of Penelopesue?”

5/7/2020 22:11 Saw Usuals stop to write in his diary. I felt like doing the same — perhaps it’s contagious.

5/7/2020 19:39 Sometimes I think about Yakousei, but most of the time I don’t.

5/7/2020 03:05 I’m mostly hopeful, but slightly doubtful, that the seed will flourish there.
I’ve finally managed to plant a seed of doubt in the plains of optimism. My titanic efforts were rewarded with a golden brick and some pocket change.

*5/7/2020 BECAME GUILD MASTER! THANK YOU MY GUILD FOR BELIEVING IN ME! *

5/6/2020 09:01 Finally, I get a day off. To celebrate this time to myself, when I don’t have to do any questing, I think I’ll learn to spell ‘live evil’ backwards, because I can!

5/5/2020 18:27 Met ShadowMachineX resting by the wayside and borrowed his diary to read. The writing is so similar… We’re obviously soulmates.

5/5/2020 12:19 Shouted “Clean up on aisle 4!” and quickly left before anyone could figure out who let the elephant into the shop.

5/5/2020 06:32 Argued with Yakousei about who my fire in the hole truly belonged to. Cut it in half to prove it was mine.

5/4/2020 10:28 Cartman37 ran out of the bushes shouting, “Penelopesue, I’m coming!” and suddenly fell into a hidden pit. As usual, I have to do everything myself.

5/3/2020 02:43 I awoke to see that Nessie had clawed several marks on the ground. Upon further examination, these marks spelled out, “take care of a Godville Administrator’s egg until it hatches.” I guess Nessie really wants me to do this for him.

5/2/2020 03:34 Completely forgot about tonight’s Godville Dance. So instead of embarrassing myself and going alone, I’ll plant relatives to grow family trees.

5/1/2020 Name change day: Nessie “Toothless”

5/1/2020 19:02 The Garbage Fairy shouted, “Finally, the honored Martyr achievement…” as its spirit slid sideways to its next spawn point. Picked up a traffic decongestant.

5/1/2020 10:25 Oh no, Terrifying One. Send me back! I left my beer money in the afterlife!

5/1/2020 02:54 I’ve been dying to meet the Thesaurus Rex. Now I’m dead.

4/29/2020 00:02 Yakousei gave me a potent placebo for my hypochondria. At last, someone takes me seriously!

4/28/2020 23:59 The guild psychiatrist giving the Rorschach test thinks I’m weird. What a hypocrite! He’s the one painting pictures of Shadow Machine X performing strange acts with a learning curve!

4/28/2020 23:58 Notes from the battlefield: The Obituarian was used up for gold and experience! Heading to town to heal and guzzle the loot.

4/28/2020 23:45 Notes from the battlefield: A pentagram suddenly appeared and a crying wizard ran out, followed by the Hulking Pickpocketing Obituarian.

Boss Fight 04/27/2020 23:45 23:57 step 39: Penelopesue showed Obituarian the nutritional value of eating dirt. Obituarian has been defeated.
23:58 step 40: The Obituarian was used up for gold and experience! Heading to town to heal and guzzle the loot.

4/25/2020 15:39 Met ShadowMachine X and together we rested by a campfire. The warm meal and the good company helped restore quite a bit of my health.

4/25/2020 15:19 Fell into another hero’s trap. I would have been injured, but ShadowMachine X was lying at the bottom and broke my fall.

4/23/2020 15:16 My Lady, I’m off to prevent stars from falling. The temple’s sacrificial flame is off and the doors are locked. Don’t wait up – it looks like I’ll be away a while.

4/21/2020 10:27 A high priest rolled up his sleeves and slapped Nessie, instantly bringing my beloved significant otter back to consciousness! At least, I think he was a priest… Paid him 13158 coins anyway. Oh Nessie, how I’ve missed you!

4/20/2020 13:19 The Retired Boss Monster raised its hand for a deadly final strike against me, when Nessie suddenly threw himself under its feet. The monster stumbled and fell dead on the ground, its neck broken. Nessie was knocked out by the impact of the monster’s carcass. Oh, my Lady, if I don’t bring him back to his senses in time, he’ll lose all his levels and his will to compete!

4/15/2020 10:14 Saw another heroine sleeping in the sun. Wrote “BEEMO-CHOP! ” on her forehead with sunblock, then ran off giggling.

4/14/2020 22:26 Great One, if I was created in your image, then you must be a being of pure beauty.

4/12/2020 17:17 Devised a cunning escape plan to get away from the Epic Flailer chasing me. Panic is my muse.

4/12/2020 17:17 With my head still spinning from a powerful blow, I accidentally used my bottle labeled “Drink me” on the monster. Judging by the shriek that followed, the Epic Flailer usually heals in some other way.

4/12/2020 17:13 Boynus ran out of the bushes shouting, “Penelopesue, I’m coming!” then crashed into a tree, knocking himself unconscious. As usual, I have to do everything myself.

4/12/2020 17:09 3…2…1! Ready or not, Epic Flailer, here I come!

4/12/2020 00:00 A group of fans from a rival guild were in Los Adminos spreading the word about their “The Assassins” guild, when suddenly their pants burst into flames. They ran off screaming and I smoothly took over, assuring the townspeople about Adventure Time’s non-combustible attire.

4/12/2020 00:00 The best thing about getting resurrected is that it also cures hangovers. Off to the races!

4/11/2020 23:58 My death wasn’t related to my alcohol consumption. I guess I didn’t drink enough.

4/11/2020 23:53 Told the Boogie Woogie Man that I was sorry and would never attack its kind again. It pointed out that I made the same promise last week, then struck me down.

4/11/2020 15:02 Who: Penelopesue. What: To find out how many milestones there are. When: Immediately. Where: Anywhere but here. Why: Trust me, Almighty, you really don’t want to know.

4/10/2020 05:32 They told me that it would be a piece of cake to remove the roadblock to success. Well, I don’t see any cake, and I can’t eat this stupid golden brick either.

4/9/2020 03:06 I was going to follow my dreams, but they took out a restraining order. I suppose I’ll have to count the grains of sand in an hourglass instead.

4/8/2020 16:02 The devil on my shoulder told me to play the world’s saddest song on the world’s smallest violin. The angel on my other shoulder said, “No! Don’t do it!” so I swatted it away and headed off.

4/7/2020 23:42 It’s been a long search, but now I think I know. First, I kept my nose close to the grindstone, maybe a little too close. That wasn’t it. Then I stuck my nose in someone else’s business. That finally healed. I smelled wildflowers, allergic to bee stings. I give up. I know what smells successful where I’m going!
My quest to find out what success smells like was completed with excellence. Got a shiny golden brick and felt great about it.

4/7/2020 14:24 I was walking down an alley when I felt a thud and everything went black. When I awoke, there was a note stuffed into my pocket. It read, “find out what success smells like, or else!” Better get started.

4/7/2020 14:27 The Moby Duck tumbled over me and off the edge of a cliff. Found a dwarf star where it landed.

4/6/2020 21:19 Challenged a 101 Headed Dalmatian to mortal combat, but it handed me a doctor’s note exempting it from heavy exertion.

4/5/2020 16:26 Pebbles on the road spelled out “I dunt always think of you. But when I do I still think you’re cool.” Rearranged them to say “BEEMO-CHOP! ” instead.

4/5/2020 16:01 A sea shanty drifted in from the coast:
Blood is red
Death is close
Leave now
Or remain as a ghost

4/5/2020 04:51 I couldn’t miss this great deal and changed my boring “menacing glance” skill to the new exciting “beer belly” skill of the same level. Oh, boy, I love this customer service!

4/4/2020 23:02 Managed to survive that battle relatively unscathed, exCept fOr thE brAIn daMAg3\..

4/3/2020 06:41 La-la-la-la-la, not-thinking-about-what-caused-the-crack-in-the-first-place-because-that’s-too-scary, la-la-la-la-la!
Managed to spackle over a crack in the space-time continuum. Got a quest completion certificate.

4/3/2020 17:54 My Lady, how is money the root of all evil when you are around?

4/3/2020 7:54 “Penelopesue’s goddess loved all the…” Oh, who am I kidding? Mighty One hates you all.