Heroine

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Marie Lettuce

level 81

Pick a god and pray!

Age 12 years 6 months
Personality neutral
Guild no guild
Monsters Killed about 214 thousand
Death Count 99
Wins / Losses 65 / 48
Temple Completed at 03/29/2013
Wood for Ark 95.4%
Savings 5M, 313k (17.7%)
Pet Hyper lynx Buck 41st level

Equipment

Weapon atomizer +90
Shield psychological defense mechanism +90
Head red riding hood +90
Body blackhawk down jacket +92
Arms vibranium vambraces +92
Legs steelettos +89
Talisman green card +90

Skills

  • mosquito roar level 70
  • iron vortex level 56
  • bloody itch level 55
  • intimate tickling level 51
  • explosive character level 50
  • mountain moving level 46
  • sunstroke level 45
  • beer belly level 44
  • radioportation level 36
  • dragon pout level 33

Pantheons

Gratitude1374
Might12317
Templehood6410
Gladiatorship8164

Achievements

  • Honored Renegade
  • Animalist, 1st rank
  • Builder, 1st rank
  • Careerist, 2nd rank
  • Champion, 2nd rank
  • Favorite, 2nd rank
  • Freelancer, 2nd rank
  • Martyr, 2nd rank
  • Saint, 2nd rank
  • Shipwright, 2nd rank
  • Dueler, 3rd rank
  • Hunter, 3rd rank
  • Moneybag, 3rd rank

Hero's Chronicles

The birds sang, flowers bloomed, people smiled. That is, until a bright light shone and my minion pawn follower Marie Lettuce was born. The nuns were quite surprised when she appeared out of nowhere. I suspect that they fainted when Marie had to reattach an arm. Everything grew kinda quiet then…

Together, she and I traveled to all the parts of Godville Marie could remember from her brief stay at the University of Heroes. (When she wasn’t immersed in drinking, slaying, selling, and being a general pest in the name of all heroes.)

She would do something stupid, I would die a little inside. Despite the short time we had known each other, we had already been accustomed to this fact of life. At least, I was.

The first few levels passed by in this fashion, punctuated by motto changes, the sweet gain of golden bricks, personality fluctuations, more-than-usual brain-dead deeds, failed healing, quests, and that one episode with a troll nobody really wants to talk about. Including the troll.

Level 10 brought something entirely new: Marie Lettuce could now test her abilities against hot-blooded heroes with the same IQ. I eagerly tested the new button on my remote control.

Other gods looked at me awkwardly as I arranged myself with a #1 foam finger and a bucketful of popcorn.

The leftover kernels were quite fun to throw at unsuspecting fans of Marie’s rival. Though, at that distance the kernels probably turned into a small fireball.

So, with the discovery of arena battles, the number of golden bricks pocketed were a grand total of 3.

For the sake of Marie’s pride and my health, I decided it was better for our duo to stay away from them. After all, field duels are where it’s at now.

Before Marie knew it, a black box with flashing red letters announced her ascension to level 12. She decided to celebrate by scooting off to the nearest pub.

The next morning, Marie woke up in a chicken coop with her armor inside out and a tic-tac-toe game in permanent marker on her forehead. To this day, there remains faint x’s and o’s.

Anyway, after carefully scouring the god’s archives (also known as Godwiki), I decided Guild Name would most fit a hero like Marie Lettuce.

Unfortunately, Marie didn’t agree with me at first, and I sent many godvoices telling her to cancel her quest to be a member of a different guild and go on a quest to be a member of Guild Name.

Then, I read some helpful info that said something along the lines of, “Do not cancel current quest before sending godvoice to join a certain guild.”

To put it simply, I was not very happy.

Eventually, Marie got the idea that perhaps she should start a quest to become a member of Guild Name.

Of course, she never really gave up annoying me by going to quests to change guilds, even if she was already committed.

Business continued as usual, with Marie’s drinking habit adding to the wanted posters in and around of Godville. She was quickly becoming a regular among pubs and/or taverns across the realm. A nun advised me that this probably wasn’t a good thing.

Deaths were actually more common now, but Marie has not yet experienced self-resurrection. One of these days, she’s going to have to rebirth herself, and I’m guessing it won’t be pretty…

The big 1-5 came, and so did Marie Lettuce’s urge to start learning skills. Elbow bite was her first skill learned, though it kinda makes me wonder what she did to learn it.

About this time, guild doctors stopped turning up their noses at her membership card. Monsters became increasingly difficult to kill, and I found myself many a time running out of godpower because of Marie’s ridiculous heroics.

18 levels passed, and Marie was absolutely delighted she was deemed “responsible” enough to get a pet, as was I. A new skill was learned, dubbed falcon punch. Marie kept accidentally hitting herself with it at first, but since then that problem has died down. Not disappeared, but died down.

Not very soon, Marie Lettuce found a pet in a vanquished dust bunny. She named it Dumbo, though I personally don’t see the reasoning behind the moniker. Nevertheless, Marie now had a partner (until she accidentally kills it).

Level 21 came and went, but a new skill, smack of the bribe, was acquired. Marie learned it when an untruthful trader couldn’t agree to her price of silence. The anger behind the smack was truly frightening, but Marie’s love of beer was and will always be the most emotion anyone mortal or otherwise will ever encounter.

This revelation was truly sad, but at least my heroine had something to live for.

At this point, falcon punch’s level exceeded that of elbow bite, Marie’s first skill. Glad to know Marie loves all her skills equally…

As Marie came into the ripe old level of 24, she developed he skill of thumb bite. One has to question why her skills keep getting weirder and weirder.

I think it’s the fault of her strange choice of equipment. Certainly not the fault of that coconut that bonked her unconscious.