Ishkebibble was born nine months premature.
He arrived in the world naked, wet and hungry. Then things got worse.
He came from a broken home… his father was a shocker at DIY.
He grew up on a farm where he found himself always inexplicably shouting abuse at the cows. It turned out that he was dairy intolerant.
Because his father was both a dairy farmer and a Muslim cleric, everyone called him the “Milk Sheikh.”
Later his father became a magician. All right, he wasn’t a magician, he just disappeared a lot.
Ishkebibble went to a really tough school. He had to write essays like “What I’m going to be if I grow up.”
His motto was stay in drugs, eat school, and don’t do vegetables.
At school, Ishkebble studied polygamy – the art of parrot folding.
At the age of 18, he left home to seek his fortune. He found it on the table at the Chinese restaurant next to the remains of his cookie, right where he left it, so he went home again.
He was brought up to believe he could be anybody he wanted to be… but when he tried to act on that belief he was arrested for identity theft.
His first job was at a furniture shop, where he worked as re-upholsterer, but he had to quit when everyone started referring to him as a “recovering alcoholic”.
He took a job in a massage parlour, but he kept rubbing people the wrong way.
He tried to work in an orange juice factory, but he just couldn’t concentrate.
He then worked in a dairy, but got fired because he was always getting in the whey.
He lost his next job in the butcher shop when he backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
He tried to be an optician, but only succeeded in making a spectacle of myself.
He began his career as a hero with nothing, and he still has most of it.