Ahoy ye silly landlubbers, me name be Captain Scurvy. Before ye ask, nay, that was not the name me mother and father gave me as a lad. Me pa named me Cob. Cob Webb. I was born in old Clanky but we never stayed long in any place. Me Pa were a sailor, a fisherman, a smuggler, and a cruel bastard, but he taught me everything I knows about the sea. I spent most of the first 20 years of life aboard a small sailboat casting nets, rigging lines, and transporting illegal substances from Tradeburg to the more remote cities. On me 20th nameday I was out “fishing” with pa on the Qu’Tox, just South of the Hypergiant Delta. The waters had been rough all day but we had to get a load of trees into Los Adminos that night. Pa always told me we could never be late on their tree deliveries because they were “stoners”. I never understood what that meant. They never threw any rocks at us, but then again we’d never been late with their shipments. Just before the sun set for the day we saw a vessel coming towards us. Pa told me to get down in the hatch with the trees and I quickly obeyed. Pa did not tolerate disobedience, he called it mutiny and often threatened to make me walk home if I defied him. I often tried to walk on the water, just in case he ever did make me walk home, but I never could get the hAng of it. I heard the oars of the other ship slapping on the water and felt the boat shake as the two ships pulled up alongside each other. I heard yelling and then a scream. Shortly after, several men broke the hatch door with axes and came down into the hold where I was hiding. They started laughing joyously when they saw the crates of tree buds. I stood up and called to Pa and the laughing suddenly stopped. A large man with an extravagant hat snarled and drew an enormous sword from its scabbard at his waist. He grabbed me roughly, dragged me up the stairs, and threw me onto the deck. I heard someone shout “Heave!” and looked up to see two rough-looking men toss Pa’s limp body over the side of the ship. The man in the hat crouched down beside me and said: “You have two options. Join the old man or join me crew.” I was terrified and quickly agreed to join his crew. He smiled warmly and patted me on the back. “Good choice lad,” he said as he stood, “I be Captain Pete but most of the lads call me Pirate Petey.” From that day on I served under Captain Pete and soon found that I had a knack for being a pirate. Turned out smuggling and pirating required many of the same skills.
Captain Pete was killed two years later by cannonfire and his First Mate, The Butcher, was last seen rowing away in a bathtub with two other men. The rest of the crew and meself managed to escape but none of us knew what to do without Pete. We set sail for Tradeburg to regroup and repair the ship. Along the way we plundered a small merchant vessel for supplies and ended up plundering several barrels of lemons and dozens of kegs of a light ale the merchants called “Cerveza”. Unfortunately, the merchant ship had managed to break the ship’s mast with their cannons and we were forced to row for several weeks to reach Tradeburg. The other lads elected me the temporary Captain. Unfortunately, the rest of the crew died of malnutrition along the way, the doctors in Tradeburg said they had all died from scurvy. They were amazed that I had survived until I showed them the barrels of Cerveza and a neat trick I had developed of adding a lemon wedge to the beer. They were extremely impressed with this new method of drinking and took to calling me Captain Scurvy. I liked it better than Cob so I adopted the name meself.
I stayed in Tradeburg for a spell and spent many a day drinking in the taverns. It was in one such watering hole that I met an aged hero who was drinking away his last days. He told me of his personal god and how awesome it was to have a divine being constantly watching over him during his adventures. He told me that all heroes have a personal god and that all I had to do was register as a hero in Godville. I left the next day for Godville and registered as a hero as soon as I arrived. Strange things started happening the same day and I felt a compulsory need to start keeping a diary of my adventures, just to make sure I wasn’t slowly going insane. Me god Manzazu began to take more and more interest in me and I have come to both love and hate me god. He will often rejuvenate me in battle but usually in the most bizarre and uncomfortable ways possible. Once in a while, I get struck by lightning which was intended for my enemies. He also loves to micromanage me and constantly demands that I dig holes and learn random knowledge out of nowhere. I’m the Captain though, no one tells me what to do, so I often just ignore the Almighty. However, I must admit that being a hero has its perks. I get to kill things, I have lots of beer money, and I meet all sorts of interesting folk. Me guild, The Knights who say Ni, have been a great help during me adventures and quests and have become me new crew. With me Significant Otter, Sneezy, I’ve been travelling the world, fighting absurd creatures, collecting really random items, and slowly but surely constructing a temple to me god made entirely out of gold bricks. I be looking forward to a long life of adventuring, which I plan to extend by building me temple as slowly as I possibly can without causing Manzazu to notice me slacking. NI!