Had no idea I could keep a chronicle of my journal, so here goes, 9 days late:
02:17 AM You know the difference between me and the hundreds of heroes wearing this clothing, my Lady? I make this look good.
03:48 AM I am a leaf on the wind… Watch how I soar.
09:06 PM My wounds are healing way too fast, the sunlight hurts my eyes… Am I becoming a vampire?
03:42 PM Followed the road less traveled only to find out there’s a reason why it’s such an unpopular route. It’s a bloody dead end!
04:55 PM Found a pile of nuts and grains with a sign that said “Free Birdseed.” Stopped for a snack and a Notary of Death on rocket skates tried to grab me!
09:50 PM Remembering the advice to “Buy low, sell high,” I held the ashes-to-dust converter up over my head and got handed 160 coins under the counter for it.
02:52 PM A sign reading ‘Free Beer!’ points straight to the lair of a Non-Terminal Repeating Phantasm. Cool! This is far too obvious to be a trap.
07:00 PM I laughed in the face of Danger, but stopped out of pity when it started to cry. Gave it a pat on the back to cheer it up again.
11:34 PM Suddenly felt like I had to find a use for the dimensional destabilizer. Shook it as hard as I could and out came two shiny new golden bricks!
01:54 AM A loudmouthed Wrecking Bull declared that my goddess must be a zero for playing a zero player game. No one insults my deity but me! I will make it pay for its insult.
04:24 PM Found a yellow submarine at the seashore yesterday, but it was infested with beetles so I let it be.
08:05 PM Notes from the battlefield: The Drowned Captain was triumphantly defeated! I’ve gained more experience and looted some gold, but it’s time to return to my heroic deeds.
06:31 PM Saw a burning bush. Watered it.
04:44 PM Ladyitty ran out of the bushes shouting “Blanque, I’m coming!” and suddenly fell into a hidden pit. As usual, I have to do everything myself.
05:58 PM Soul Supreme, why do I seem to be your only follower? Don’t you have other people to yell “If it’s ick, chunk it! ” or do stupid, almost heroic things in your name?
02:23 PM I looked into the kind eyes of the vanquished monster and suddenly decided — Sun Dog, you’ll be my pet! And I’ll call you Scrat. Bandaged his wounds, gave him a treat and fastened the leash.
01:42 AM Scrat wants to go back to town because his inventory’s full, but I’m not ready to return yet. He looks peeved, but how heavy can a few dead frogs and a ball of wool be, anyway?
11:02 AM The trader was impressed by my “The Goonies” guild membership card. Received a subnet mask as a free gift.
03:02 PM The trader was impressed by my “The Goonies” guild membership card. Received necromancer’s graveclothes as a free gift.
11:41 PM I opened my “Tome of Quests” to a random page and read the first entry. Looks like I’m off to create holy water by boiling the hell out of it!
04:50 AM The Flying Spaghetti Monster squeaked, “Help! Help! I’m being repressed!” as its life slipped away. Stuffed 30 coins in my pockets before backing away slowly.
08:29 PM Found an atheist in a foxhole.
05:05 AM Found a note with an old saying that read: “When you find yourself in the company of a dwarf and an ill-tempered dragon, remember: you do not have to outrun the dragon… just the dwarf.”
11:07 PM There’s one less Son of a Glitch in Godville and one more dirty little secret in my inventory, but who’s counting?
12:39 PM A learned priest suddenly realized that the sacred inscription on the ancient monolith in the town square was actually an anagram of “The Goonies”! I made sure to spread the amazing news in all the local taverns.
7/4/15 02:08 PM I looked into the kind eyes of the vanquished monster and suddenly decided — Were-Panther, you’ll be my pet! And I’ll call you Snowy. Bandaged his wounds, gave him a treat and fastened the leash.
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So I forgot to keep up with these for a while.
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6/27/17 04:51 I was bored to tears, so I decided to settle the argument over whether it’s duck season or rabbit season. This should be interesting.
18:40 Decided it was both and had a large and delicious dinner.
Finally completed my quest to settle the argument over whether it’s duck season or rabbit season. Got some experience and a golden brick after a long, draggy cutscene.
7/26/17 03:58 I showed the Fortune Wookiee my new magic trick… I disappeared.
8/9/17 21:15 Took me until dawn, but the night is finally banished. That’s a day.
Finished my quest to banish the night and call it a day. Fido was rewarded with some experience and a board for his grounded hog house. Wait a minute!
10/11/17 06:40 A log! A thousandth log! I’m even ready for a flood now. Not that I’m asking for it, Almighty.
After managing to blind the eye of the storm so quickly, I’ve got a pile of wooden ark planks and 7097 coins as a bonus.
04/04/18 14:44 Great! Apple fanboys are certainly going to like this!
I’ve finally managed to take a bite out of every piece of fruit in the Garden of Eden. My titanic efforts were rewarded with a golden brick and some pocket change!
09/25/18 My guild rocks!
Noooo MamaKhat….. you cannot witdraw so much holy wisdom! Look how great Silly Bob is humbly and altruistically approaching unity among us brave and wise Goonies. Young brave Dragonroc is a heavenly evidence of that !! Under the same holy and wise clould range at which our inspiring always leader Silly (if you want to believe that) Bob is traveling, i would suggest … a leading unity within choices… Come back holy MamaKhat!!
10/12/18 Best. Death. Message. Ever.
14:26 Let the history books state that I was martyred by that Scape Goat in the noble cause of trying to steal gold to buy beer.
01/07/18 21:50 The mayor of Bosswell suddenly started choking during a public ceremony. I leapt from the crowd, yelled out ‘Not on The Goonies’s watch!’ and performed the Heimlich maneuver until the mayor coughed up a leprechaun and started to breathe again. They’ll remember our guild around here, that’s for sure.
05/23/2021 02:33 GV TImes mentioned the guild: The Goonies is a bunch of heroes and heroines occupying 54th place in the pantheon of unity. Rumor says there are about 36 of them. They’ve chosen the title of “goonliest” for their most esteemed members. Totem beast of this guild is Gandolphin. Based on the Guild Council excerpts seen by the Godville Times Editor… nevermind.