This is a journey about the trials and errors of an inept hero named Tooterbooter who despite the wondrous advice of a deity and his kind heart, finds every negative consequence to the befuddlement of Godville
The tavern door slammed open as the burly hero stomped through. He stopped half way to the bar to look at the locals. Most of them kept to their ale and cynical conversations, the others glared at the hero in disgust as he entered.
With one eye on his back, he gracefully stumbled over nearby stools making his way to the bar. The locals shook their heads and snottily went back to their drinks. The bar wench growled to the hero “What will it be hank?” as she did to every customer she served. The hero boldly stated “Anything that will burn the mud of my brow”. The wench rolled her eyes and fetched some rubber gloves and a large wooden ladle. The hero had regained the attention of the bar as they murmured their speculations.
The wench returned with a growler full of something that smelled like gasoline saying “This should do the trick, but take it easy with this.” The hero had to tilt his head back to escape the vapors that the beverage emitted. He then scanned the bar for reactions as they chuckled to themselves. The hero thought to himself in relief it’s been a long day, then twisted his beard dispensing what rain water it had soaked up into the growler and hoisted it to his mouth chugging every last drop.
The rest of the locals stared in bewilderment as they had never recalled seeing such a miraculous feat. The hero smashed the bottle onto the bar, pounded his gut 4 times with his fists and let out an astonishing belch that rattled the mugs hanging from the locals fists. As the thunderous noise came to a halt one man fell back in his stool and hit the ground.
The bar silent waited for something to happen. Just then the hero stood up and said “My name is TooterBooter and that’s how I roll troll.” Then splashed a bag of gold onto the bar “making it rain” as they say and wobbled out the door greeting his next exciting adventure…
It was a hot day for Tooterbooter, basking in the hot sun of Godville. Comfortably reclining in his lawn chair, enjoying a vodka tonic with lime as usual. When suddenly what jumped out of the bushes to startle him but his friend Buddles the blue turkey. “Hey Buddles!” exclaimed Tooterbooter. Buddles was acting a little out of the ordinary today. He seemed very reserved, keeping is gobbles to a minimum of a gob. Tooterbooter noticed right away something was bothering Buddles and asked him “What seems to be the dillema?”. Buddles looked up with sad eyes and a frown that sunk to his beard and said, “One of my friends, Fuddles was taken away today and I haven’t seen him for hours, we were supposed to hang out and fluff each other today.”. Right away Tooterbooter knew what happend. Given the time of season everyone was out gathering their beautiful plump blue turkeys for their awe-inspiring dinners. Tooterbooter held and pet Buddles as he sobbed missing his friend. Tooterbooter quickly figured this is a mission for me. He set down Buddles and set out on a quest to find Buddles companion. He threw his lawn chair aside and slammed down his vodka tonic and rushed into his house to grab his rusty crowbar and gold-plated glamour shield. He told Buddles to stay inside and enjoy some fresh lemonade he had made 2 days ago until he returned and to not wander around alone.
Tooterbooter couldn’t get the look of Buddles face out of his small,and fragile cranium. For he feared some evil hero had snatched up Buddles companion and turned him into a meal. He had to think positive and be swift on his journey. He traveled around the town checking the local tavern, and guilds in the area but Fuddles was no where to be found.
After hours upon hours of searching he decided he had done all he could. Slowly he walked back to his cottage hanging his head in dismay thinking “What could I possibly tell Buddles that won’t break his little turkey heart?” Just as he walked in the door He heard some crazy racket in the kitchen. He didn’t see Buddles anywhere, and all his belongings had been thrown about the cottage. This angered and worried Tooterbooter at the same time. He quickly scanned the cottage in search of clues that might lead to the culprit. He slowly walked upstairs when he suddenly heard whimpering coming from his room at the end of the hallway.
He busted through the door and saw Buddles laying on the floor injured and beaten and plucked. Astonished he ran over to cradle his best-est buddy. “BUDDLES!” he shouted “What happend!? Are you ok?”. Obviously his fragile little mind, being flustered from the chaos, couldn’t grasp the fact that Buddles had been beaten within inches of his little turkey life. Buddles explained to Tooterboot, with the last little bit of turkey energy he could muster, “Some man in an orange jacket and pants came in the house and started chasing me around the room . He got his grubby little hands around my neck and started beating me against the walls. If I hadn’t pecked one of his eyes I wouldn’t have gotten away. He ran out the door screaming.” Tooterbooter decided he had it with these vegabonds in orange he was going to do all he could to stop them. Just then Buddles little turkey wurkey head slumped to the right and expelled it’s last breathe. One manly tear strewn down the cheek of Tooterbooter as he realized his one best-est buddy had faded away.
Tooterbooter decided he was going on a quest to teach all the orange suited men a lesson. He grabbed his things, not tired at all after what he had just experienced, And set out on the hunt for these Knights In Orange. For he would make them suffer the same fate Buddles had endured.
And so the Quest for the Knights In Orange began….
As he set out on his adventure, he realized he was out of supplies so he decided to stop by the shop. On his way he came across many interesting faces and shapes. He kept a close eye on his surroundings in case he recognized the culprit roaming around town.
He came upon the Heimerdingers local shop of tools and watcha’macallits. There he looked over the goods trying to comprehend most of the crazy ingredients. He decided to just grab some healing potions and herbs and some ale for his journey, as any well-fit warrior knows you have to have a bit of the bubbly to wash down the taste of war after a long day.
As he left he found a group of people clambering up the side of a cottage trying to catch something. In his own personal interest he decided to go check it out. As he approached he heard a lot of frustrated shouting. He saw a rickety old man trying to chase something but couldn’t make out what it was. He asked the lady next to him what seemed to be the matter? She nonchalantly said Oh it’s just Theodore trying to catch that dang Cheshire Cat again, it seems this time that trickster cat took his glasses.
Gawl darn cat!! if it wasn’t for you, I would have my cloak of invisibility and show this town a thing or two!! Tooterbooter felt sorry for the old man and set his belongings down to help. He quickly used his keen skills of tactics and maneuvered around the backside of the building unseen. He heard chuckling coming from the terrace overhanging the old man. He stealthily snuck up and grabbed for the wind in front of him, grasping something he could not see he was shocked and wrestled it to the ground. Shaking violently he held on the best he could until a cloud of smoke emitted from the his hands. He heard an eerie chuckling slowly moving away from him in the sky ” Mwuahaha you’re quick adventurer but not quick enough for the likes of my fur. All the while the crowd in front heard the racket coming from the other side of the building and quickly moved to see what was happening. Just at the end of the scuffle the old man googly eye’d peered over the ledge to find Tooterbooter holding his precious cloak. “I believe you were looking for this?” politely said Tooterbooter. +“Yes! Yes! how did you attain such agile reflexes which enabled you to catch that cat?! exclaimed Theodore. As he was about to explain with great confidence Tooterbooter felt a sudden crunch under his feet. He peered down slowly only to find the mans glasses smashed to bits from his clod-hopper boots. Theodore quickly said “No matter, those glasses aren’t even prescription , I merely used them for cutting onions..” Relieved Tooterbooter whipped the sweat from his forehead.
“For being such a kind-hearted gentleman I’ve decided I really have no use for this cloak anymore. Being old my bones are popping and cracking everywhere I go anyhow. I present to you this cloak of invisibility may it help you in your times of need or complete cowardliness.” said Theodore. “Thank you very much sir!!”
Tooterbooter looked at his sundial realizing he had spent most of the day still in town and not really went anywhere. He decided to head on out of town to the west since the sun would be lighting his way longer if he did. Now having all his supplies and a new cloak he felt confident he was ready for his journey.
He made camp about 50 beats out of town. Set up his tent and made a campfire with the surrounding lumber he gathered. As the stars filled the sky he was reminded of Buddles and how they used to stare at the night sky together, guessing at what shapes the stars made. As he starred reminiscing. A shooting star stretched out across the night sky leaving a large trail of cosmic dust behind it, at that very moment he heard a voice. “Gooble gooble gooble!” Excited and confused he lept up crying out to the sky “BUDDLES!? IS THAT YOU!?” There was no reply. Tooterbooter decided not to pass this opportunity up and follow the trail of cosmic dust heading southwest, for it was no time to sleep even if he could.