Once upon a time, or twice …
“Then, there was me, The Great Draupnir, trying to live my life. Let me tell some stories of my experiences”
09:54: I found a trail of coins in the forest. Followed it, and picked up a total of 14 gold coins before I realized I had a hole in my bag and was just walking around in circles. Darn.
11:56: Got fined by the guard at the gates of Beerburgh for violating the laws of physics.
09:56: I had a strange dream – a zombie wanted to eat my brains. It lumbered over, knocked on my head a few times, then mumbled something in disappointment and walked away. Weird.
09:58: Just woke up to find that some scoundrel had stolen all my stuff and replaced it with exact duplicates.
10:12: “The Diary of The Great Draupnir” sounds lame. Maybe I should call it “The Epic Chronicles of The Great Draupnir”?
10:47: Stumbled upon a slain hero whose banner displayed the motto: ‘Better die with honor than live with shame’. Seems he got what he wished for.
11:38: Fled from the Devil’s Advocate before it could mock me again.
10:06: After pathetically crying out, ’You’ll never know where I hid the treasure!’, the Legion-Hare perished.
10:28: Wanted to buy a smart weapon, but the trader warned me we would be incompatible.
10:34: My hands are bleeding from punching trees. Mighty One, isn’t there a better way to collect firewood?
10:39: Heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it’s off to quest I go…
09:55: Chaos, panic, and disorder – my work in this town is done.
09:58: While crossing that last bridge, a gruesome troll appeared. Strangely, he didn’t demand a toll. All he did was mock my previous diary entries.
10:21: Sat under a palm tree and drew a mysterious pentagram. It didn’t work, again.
07:39: Asked the Dreaded Gazebo whether it was dead or just pretending. “Guess!” it said. Darn, I really don’t know.
08:42: I tried asking you a favor, Mighty One. As I looked towards the heavens a bird pooped on my face. Was that a sign?
08:55: Was eating an apple while waiting to see the doctor, when I was presented with a temporary restraining order and told to keep away. Odd.
09:39: Great One, there is a fine line between not listening and not caring. You seem to walk that line every day.
11:16: Omnipotent One, if I were to become an atheist, would you still love me?
08:39: The last time I encountered the Evil Minion, it beat me half to death. Looks like it’s back for the other half… Time to run!
09:11: Yelled ’I’m the walrus.’ at the Buzz Bunny and it died laughing. Found 5 gold coins.
09:25: Eek! Maybe I shouldn’t stop in the middle of a fight to write a diary entry.
10:09: If I pray hard enough, maybe the Omnipotent One will change the color of my eyes to green. Then they’d match my armor!
11:15: Ran into Kiriya at the tavern. We shared a drink or two, I guess… Judging by my empty wallet, I think we had a good time.
08:46: Good news! The doctor just found traces of blood in my alcohol system.
09:06: Is it a bird? Is it a fairy? No… It’s a dragon… A big dragon… A big, hungry-looking dragon… I’ll just run away now.
10:24: I’m feeling a little paranoid. Every time I leave town I get attacked by monsters.
07:34: Awoke with the head of an ogre in my bed… What the heck happened last night?
02:44: Shared a campfire with a hooded figure in black robes holding a scythe. He didn’t talk much, just pointed at me quietly.
08:19: What a surprise! Kraus stopped by to visit me. We spoke over a few drinks of living water.
09:54: I feel like someone is stalking me… Wait, it’s just my own shadow.
09:25: Met Uryuu, and together we rested by a campfire. The warm meal and the good company helped restore quite a bit of my health.
10:17: Confessed my sins to the priests in the temple. I don’t regret them, it’s just nice to reminisce.
09:52: A roadside alchemist showed me how to turn lead into gold: he gave me lead and I gave him 274 gold coins. He said that’s how you do it. Didn’t get it, but will try again later.
09:56: Just realized that Uryuu worships a different god. Almighty, can we still be friends? Please?
10:30: Ran into Astolfo Felisberto. We both immediately pulled out our diaries. I thought I was the only one who did that!
11:34: Had an appointment with the guild doctor. He squinted slyly and told me to choose one of two pills. Took the red one. Felt much better.
10:18: Suddenly realized that I have no idea what year it is.
09:11: Felt itchy. Scratched.
10:40: Are you there, Great One? It’s me, The Great Draupnir. I was just wondering if you could make something new happen. I’m bored.
11:47: Stealthily followed Kraus to see if he knew a secret shortcut, but he just seemed to walk in circles. Eventually I caught up to him and asked what he’d been doing, and he sheepishly admitted he’d been following me, looking for a secret shortcut…
09:42: Why do all these monsters keep attacking me? I know they must be jealous of my good looks, right?
10:43: Hmm, starting to regret that last diary entry. Maybe if I run really fast counterclockwise I can turn back time and erase it?
08:40: I’M BEING HELD CAPTIVE IN A DIARY FACTORY! IF ANYONE’S READING THIS, PLEASE SEND HELP! – I don’t remember writing this. Weird…
04:30: Sven just shed his skin! Wait, does a ninja tortoise do that? Anyway, he looks bigger, meaner and cleaner now.
07:41: According to the moon and stars… I’m lost.
08:04? Sven looked hot, so I trimmed his fur. Then he looked cold, so I knitted the fur into a cardigan for him. Now he looks adorable. And annoyed.
09:11: I managed to survive that battle relatively unscathed, exCept fOr thE brAIn daMAg3\..
02:31: Followed the sun all day. Ended up where I started. Strange.
08:54: The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did too. She started running so I ran too. Then she screamed so I screamed as well. I never even saw what we were running from.
08:00: Met Kraus today. We traded stories of our near-death experiences. It’s amazing how many ways a hero can die.
08:36: Dark clouds are looming and it seems like it’s going to rain. Mighty One, are you about to cry?
10:32: I just wasted 10 seconds of my precious life writing this diary entry.
18:53: The more people I meet, the more I love my Sven.
08:47: Found a yellow submarine at the seashore yesterday, but it was infested with beetles so I let it be.
20:07: Saw a hero ignoring a ‘Keep off the grass’ sign. Heard a scream… And then the grass burped.
20:37: Threw 1129 coins in a wishing well and wished for more gold. Nice investment, I think.
08:40: Met a guy claiming to be the godfather. I didn’t know gods had fathers too.
11:51: Dug a deep trap for unsuspecting monsters, but it’s quickly filling up with angry heroes. Perhaps setting it in the middle of the road wasn’t such a good idea after all.
12:20 A wandering master told me that when the going gets tough, the tough get going. Guess I’ll just sit here and relax for a while.