Hero

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Squarepie

level 102

∑: Up to no good 🐢😐 ∞

Age 4 years
Personality vicious
Guild Guild Name
(member)
Monsters Killed about 280 thousand
Death Count 112
Wins / Losses 165 / 116
Temple Completed at 05/21/2014
Ark Completed at 08/06/2015 (273.2%)
Twos of Every Kind 947m, 993f (94.7%)
Savings 15M, 396k (51.3%)
Pet Vengeful mole Vector 28th level

Equipment

Weapon Pachelbel's cannon +116
Shield side of a barn +116
Head seven veils +116
Body fabric of society +116
Arms hands-free gloves +116
Legs spurs of the moment +116
Talisman soulstone +116

Skills

  • clinical strike level 96
  • brainstorm level 91
  • concrete placer level 89
  • lucky hoof level 87
  • thumb blowing level 86
  • steel finger level 84
  • inept singing level 80
  • fanned fingers level 79
  • quantum leap level 72
  • mating contact level 72

Pantheons

Gratitude8
Might318
Templehood9853
Gladiatorship1763
Storytelling30
Mastery666
Taming232
Survival600
Savings186
Destruction315
Arkeology85
Catch15
Duelers1306
Unity3
Popularity8
Duelery5
Adventure3

Achievements

  • Honored Animalist
  • Honored Favorite
  • Honored Hunter
  • Honored Raider
  • Builder, 1st rank
  • Careerist, 1st rank
  • Fiend, 1st rank
  • Invincible, 1st rank
  • Seadog, 1st rank
  • Shipwright, 1st rank
  • Champion, 2nd rank
  • Dueler, 2nd rank
  • Martyr, 2nd rank
  • Moneybag, 2nd rank
  • Saint, 2nd rank
  • Savior, 2nd rank

Hero's Chronicles

SquarePie

Into god’s fire he was thrown
Humble squire scorned mighty hero reborn
Squarepie the name he was given
By questing nature he’s now driven

He’s left alone with no home
The unknown path he must roam
A highway before a tavern behind
Struggling his way often to find

Through battles fierce he fights on
Dead and revived it never ends
The paths seeks for weeks again
Nipper his pet truest of friends

Battles against foes known and unknown
He fights again, victories to win
Into the arena often he’s thrown
A golden brick reward he seeks

Often he’s punished for reasons unknown
Yet encouraged again he presses on
His god’s voice he often ignores
Yet InfiniteCircle’s palace he’s now completed

Along the way another quest complete
Gold coins taken and artifacts found
Another trader’s shop gold for beer
Items he’s sold armor he’s purchased

Tavern or bar never passed by
Beer he’ll drink by the barrel
Gold coins on a counter spilt
Beer his friend guild mate too

Into town again doctor he’ll see
He’ll waste time guild-mates he’ll seek
Barmaid he’ll kiss ejected he’ll be
Temple he’ll visit prayers he’ll pray

Into the dungeon again and again
Boss monster defeat treasures are found
Another log needed ark not completed
InfiniteCircle sends down the AFKs abound

Pantheons climbing higher achievements he seeks
For Nippers rezz he gladly pays
Until at last the medals won
Idea box fill though often rejected

InfiniteCircle ceaseless anger he must survive
Forced to duel become gladiator too
To master survival his lasting wish
Saving some more for future far

Forums he’s visited new friends made
Plays for puppets are often written
Game news daily puzzles to solve
ZPG game truly his favorite thing

Oh the shiny things I’ve found

Heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it’s off to quest I go…
A last laugh record playing in my head
A recipe for success in hand
A gold farmer’s almanac weather report referred
Oh the shiny things I’ve found

A resurrection scone in my pocket
An expired invincibility potion in my pack
Gravity got the drop and pulled me down
But with a sobering thought I arose
Oh the shiny things I’ve found

A vanishing pint to my lips
A loveless potion I gave to Nipper
A circular reference in my grasp
At the crossroads of art and philosophy
Oh the shiny things I’ve found

Walking in another man’s shoes
In a bucket of antimatter I stepped
Follow my dreams, a restraining order appears
A questionable content filter washed out
Oh the shiny things I’ve found

An apocalypse date generator
A borrowed time machine, a nonstopwatch
A date at the arena planned
A hurricane in a bottle the plans blown away
Oh the shiny things I’ve found

Hoping to hear you’re pleased with my deeds
Hoping all quests I’ll complete
Hoping the arena will not bring defeat
And just then a quantum wrench appears
Oh the shiny things I’ve found


Sipping here my beer

Here, with my beer I sit

Dreaming thoughts of golden temples

They appear as I sit sipping here my beer

What if luck has passed me by

What if monsters find me here
As I sit, sipping here my beer

What if my god has fled
What if my friends are my foes
As I sit, sipping here my beer

What if my hopes are dead
What if my pleasures fled
Have I not still my fill of beer?

Dreaming of rivers and seas of beer
A brick of gold found, an artifact lost
As I sit, sipping here my beer

A dungeon completed, an AFK toasted
A duel won a quest complete
As I sit, sipping here my beer

Leave me to my beer!

My brain it builds, my bones it heals
As I sit, sipping here my beer

A log was found and carried away
An ark today I walked past
Of these I think, sipping here my beer


I’d rather he didn’t toss me in but… Into the arena

Thrown into the arena again
Against another foe
They must love to watch me suffer
They must love to watch me bleed

The arena at full capacity
Cheering madly the ecstatic throng
Drowning out my master’s voice
They’re cheering for my opponent again

They say I like it, like it must be fun for me
To be beaten by four arms, my foe on a sugar rampage
They watch me as I suffer
Enjoying each and every blow
Lightning bolts surround me
In a fight I’m certain not to win
I want to run but there is no escape
So weak I can’t stand on my feet

Finally encouraged, I stand up to redeem honour
For my heart’s filled with passion and undying valour
To focus on the smell of beer and breathe knowing winning is to live
Mind set to war, to survive a duel to the death

The warrior’s way, no hesitation no holds barred

Must win for the victor takes it all
Surviving the lightning bolts, insures my victory
At the end, another kill to record on my tombstone


Oft beaten down and defeated: Lost

The art of losing isn’t hard to master.
So many monsters filled with deadly intent,
to lose to their ambition is no disaster.

Lose at least one arena bout a day;
accept defeat and be its master.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

I’ve lost an artifact or two.
it wasn’t really hard to do and
my pet really enjoys it too.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

I’ve lost the path and lost a pet.
I’ve lost when I’ve dug and in a dungeon.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

I’ve lost some health and some wealth,
I’ve lost a skill and equipment too,
I’ve even lost my pantheon position.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

I’ve lost in love and lost a quest,
I’ve even lost my very life.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

I’ve lost my guild (a quivering voice, a gesture)
I shouldn’t have lied. It’s evident,
the art of losing isn’t hard to master
even though it may look like a disaster.


It seems to be a rare occurrence: Winning

Into the fray,
some may call a ZPG.

Quest after quest,
the game never ends.

Tossed into the arena,
to defeat another foe.

Monsters surround me,
and strike from below.

Nimble, sweeping, scurrying,
never a worry.

Hulking, deafening, enlightened,
not very frightening.

Defeat the boss, never a loss.
gold and artifacts galore.

My pet beside me,
the path before us,
a quest we’re sure to find.

Artifacts for gold then beer,
bricks for a golden temple and
logs for the ark.

What’s next Lord and Master?
Encourage or punish me,
do you really think I care.
To be a hero is all I ask.

Ever onward and upward,
through pantheons ever higher.

With guild mates to support me,
the townspeople we’ll amaze.

Beer after beer,
in every tavern and bar.

All the towns we’ll visit,
on all the counters we’ll gaze.


Milepost after milepost,
we’ll travel far.

To be the best is what I seek,
leaving behind that nagging voice in my head,
finally alone to be victorious.


For my pet Nipper, A rocky racoon.

From the black hills he’d come,
his wife Lil he did seek.
A rocky raccoon with its mask on.

A hero he’d seen and tried to deceive.
However, it’s too late for the hero did see,
a rocky raccoon with its mask on.

A battle ensued fierce and wild
until poor Nipper at last gave in.
A rocky raccoon with its mask on.

At bit mischievous, an artifact his favorite treat,
but all’s forgiven for Nippers the hero’s best friend.
A rocky raccoon with its mask on.

His master serves a cruel god
but to Nipper the hero’s ever true.
A rocky raccoon with its mask on.

In town and dungeons locked out,
in battle a brave companion, strong and fierce.
A rocky raccoon with its mask on.

Sensing his masters’ last breath, into the fray he did leap.
Slashing and biting at its throat until the monster did fall.
A rocky raccoon with its mask on.

On Nipper it fell, almost a ton, his bones it broke and his ribs it crushed.
The hero rushed to his side and for the first time cried for

a rocky raccoon with its mask on.

The hero dug, quested and deep into dungeons did delve,
in his quest to find what it’d take, for Nipper to revive.
A rocky raccoon with its mask on.

At last a healer he did find, who took his gold then told him true
the secret to reviving Nipper, his best friend, his pet
a rocky raccoon with its mask on.


The secret revealed, it’s love that truly revived
a rocky raccoon with its mask on.



Plays I’ve written for the “sowing Sun”, Sock Puppet Theater.
bq.“sowing Sun” plays

Life Before Godville, 0s Return, The Heart, The Rescue A prequel , The Arena

The Quiet Q
Q’s First Date
Q and U – The Surprise
Q and U – Saturday morning
Q and U – The Wind

The Pet Hero
The Counter
It begins again

The Golden Acorn Act 1
The Golden Acorn Act 2
The Golden Acorn Act 3
The Golden Acorn Act 4

A day in the Life of Holdwine
The remainder of Holdwine’s day
The Clippers of Ignorance
The University – Part 1
The University – Part 2

The University – Part 3

The University – Part 4
The University – Part 5
The University – Part 6
The University – Part 7
The University – Part 8
The University – Part 9
The University – Part 10
The University – Part 11
The University – Part 12
The University – Part 13
The University – Part 14
The University – Part 15
The interface is down again
The University – Part 16
The University – Part 17
The University – Part 18
The University – Part 19
The University – Part 20
The University – Part 21
The University – Part 22
The University – Part 23
The University – Part 24

A fish story The voices in my head, InfiniteCircle

”What was she thinking? Didn’t she realize frozen beer would give her brainfreeze?”

”I’m not sure she realized there was a relationship between the two.”

”Probably not.”

”She could have stopped before she fell face first in that puddle of beer, at least.”

”I think she did it on purpose. I wouldn’t be Friday, if she didn’t get falling down drunk. Would it?”

“Mmmmph, rummpth.”

”Shhhh…” ”I think she’s waking up.”

“Ohhhh my aching head.” The heroine laying on the floor in a disheveled yellow polka dot three piece swimsuit and a red striped leviathong torn in a most inconspicuous place that was Keleios moved, then fell silent.

She moved again, when her beauty pageant tiara pressed into the chip off the old block she’d used as a pillow the night before. “Oh my head.” Eyes blurry and head reeling from a night of drinking, she stumbled out of the stable, tripped over her own feet and tumbled headfirst into the the horses drinking trough.

”Brrrr… Is there no other way to wake than sticking your head in a bucket of water?”

”Well there is coffee but that stuff is more addictive than beer.”

“@#$ !#$%@ water !$#% wet #&…”

Keleios sputtered and cursed as she pushed herself up to her feet and stepped out of the trough. Wringing out her hair, as she wandered toward a local cafe, she pretended to ignore the locals as they crossed the street to avoid the odoriferous reek of her breath.

”I wish it were as easy for us to avoid this torturous odor.”

She cursed the farmer who greeted her with a booming, “Good morning,” as she stumbled into the door of the Shabby Day cafe. Choosing a table by the window she fell into a battered chair. A barmaid rushed over and sat a dragon-breath mint and a mug of beer in front of her and rushed away. Keleios chugged the beer before placing the mint in her mouth and motioning for the barmaid to come over.

“I’ll have another beer, a large slice of bread, an eighth circle of soft breakfast cheese, two links of sausage. Oh, and a large pot of coffee,” she said.

A short time later thunder rolled, as a weak lightning bolt landed near her. A very clear message appeared on her now toasted bread, “You had your fun, now get back to work!”

Keleios quickly stuffed the last sausage along with the last bit of her cheese into her mouth and washed it down with steaming coffee.

”She hasn’t coerced enough new converts this week and you know who is a bit upset. I wish she’d give us a break. It’s Saturday,after all.”

”That’s not gonna happen. Being a heroine is a 24/7 job, after all.

”Yeah but one can hope…”

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and Keleios choose the road more traveled just to be cautious. Then suddenly, Furinkazan, her bright pink sparkled pet Heffalump, appeared in her peripheral vision and stated, “You should take the road less traveled.”

Keleios protested but not wanting to lose one of her artifacts to Furinkazan’s insatiable appetite, she turned down an overgrown path. Not more than a second later, a nearby bush rustled and a Godville Administrator lept into the center of the path and roared “Surprise!”

The ensuing battle was fierce. Keleios cried out for help repeatedly but none was to be found. At last, tired of watching her take such a beating, Furinkazan magically appeared behind it and slaughtered the Godville Administrator in a clear case of self defense and magic over science. Keleios quickly snatched up the Godville Administrator’s egg that appeared amiss the carnage and carefully placed it in her pack.

Her feelings hurt, her spirit broken, her body beaten, battered and bruised, Keleios decided she’d had enough for the moment and turned back to town. When she heard the sound of a creek babbling nearby she decided to investigate. Nearing the boulder strew creek, she noticed a beautiful clearing where a large tree had fallen across the creek creating a large pool.

A fishing pole leaning against a moss filled oak tree, that hung out over the pool, and the splash of a large fish drew her immediate attention. More focused on the opportunity to fish than the bait she’d pulled from her pack, Keleios groaned as the Godville Administrator’s egg splashed into the deepest part of the pool.

Afraid of losing both the bait and the opportunity she sat down under the tree and dangled her feet in the water. Having lost both her pole, her bait and her catch in a previous fishing expedition, she tucked the pole under a tree root and held it in both hands. Then she impatiently waited for a bite.

After a while, the pole now held loosely in one hand, she nodded off. The only warning she had was the line singing through the water before the pole was almost jerked from her hand. Had it not been for the roots hold on her pole, all would have been lost in the first moments of the battle that ensued.

The tip of the pole was bent as far as possible and Keleios walked up and down the bank to keep the line from breaking. Whatever was on the line stayed on the bottom and used the boulders to its advantage.

Try as she might, she just could seem to budge it. With a sudden crack the tip of the pole broke. Not willing to give up, Keleios lept out into the water and grabbed the line itself and wrapped it around her hand and arm.

It sounded like a machine gun going off, as the air pockets in her arms bubble wrap bracers burst under the impact of the line. As she was pulled along, her head was jerked repeatedly under the water. When she attempted to use a boulder as leverage, she slipped and shattered a leg on the boulder. Yet she held on.

Hours seemed to pass, as she was tugged from one side to the other, back and forth, and up and down the pool and the very creek itself. At some point she realized the line was now embedded in her hands and wrapped so tightly around her arms that she’d have to cut it out. Yet she held on.

At long last, the twin muscle bound manimals rose from the water’s depths and approached Keleios to discuss the terms of her surrender. When they learned of the many feanimals on her ark, they immediately gave her a sparkly box in which lay a golden brick and speed away.

Using the broken pole as a crutch, Keleios slowly made her way back into town. The guild doctor took one look at her and said, “I see you’ve been fishing again.”

She needs a drink!

Those look like alcohol wipes…

I think the doctors cute.

Shhh… Don’t you remember the size of the needle he used on her the last time we got her to say that.

And what’s your point? It’s her sparkly bubble wrap that got burst not ours.