Heroine

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Spectrum Sprinter

level 34

Carpe Diem!

Age 10 years 10 months
Personality neutral
Guild no guild
Monsters Killed about 22 thousand
Death Count 37
Wins / Losses 15 / 18
Bricks for Temple 24.1%
Pet Ninja tortoise Timon

Equipment

Weapon shiny metal axe +37
Shield iron curtain +39
Head Robin's hood +43
Body emperor's new clothes +38
Arms Chinese finger trap +42
Legs pants on fire +42
Talisman demon's heart +44

Skills

  • clinical strike level 16
  • forced generosity level 12
  • teeth gnashing level 12
  • strike of the rabbit level 11
  • slap of the whale level 9
  • quantum leap level 8
  • knight's move level 6

Pantheons

Hero has yet to take places in pantheons.

Achievements

  • Favorite, 2nd rank
  • Builder, 3rd rank
  • Careerist, 3rd rank
  • Champion, 3rd rank
  • Hunter, 3rd rank
  • Martyr, 3rd rank

Hero's Chronicles

8:31 PM Victory shall be mine! Eventually…

And so after witnessing the many misadventures of my bumbling heroine, I finally realized that I have to write her Chronicles, not the game itself…lame.

01:54 AM Resurrected during my autopsy. Gave the coroner the scare of his life.

“Praying to you and praising you, my Lord…”

Approaching nirvana…

02:09 AM Sze suffers an allergic reaction to Spectrum Sprinter’s perfume and starts sneezing repeatedly and losing health as she approaches.

02:11 AM A plague of locusts swarmed into the battlefield and descended upon both opponents, who fought them off only after sustaining considerable damage. Looks like no one is immune to Ikechukwu’s wrath.

02:12 AM Spectrum Sprinter grinned with thrilling vigour as the omnipotent power of her god closed her wounds before Sze’s eyes.

02:17 AM A blow, another blow! Sze felt her head go flat.

02:17 AM Sze is defeated. Spectrum Sprinter added 1167 coins to her treasury. Spectrum Sprinter put a second-aid kit, Sze’s ear and a golden brick into her bag.

02:19 If that silly trader believes this useless Sze’s ear is worth 2326 coins, I won’t try to convince him otherwise.

02:41 AM Saw the corpse of a Killer Rabbit. Carved my initials into its rotting flesh. …My Heroine Ladies and Gentlemen!

Prays to me after I tell her to several times, gains 1% Godpower…sigh Godville Problems!

The Bully Mammoth unnerves the heroine by humming the theme of Jaws…

03:23 AM I wanted to join a local gang, but they said they don’t accept religious extremists. So I cut a few heathen throats and took away 33 gold coins all in your glorious name, Great One.

03:25 AM Saw a sign which read, “One does not simply walk into Los Demonos”. Proved it wrong.

03:37 AM Sometimes I like to smash open barrels and crates to see what’s inside them. Nobody seems to mind and it’s more lucrative than popping bubble wrap.

10:16 AM A lightning bolt hit a man, just as I told the crowd what was going to happen to all who oppose the “Cutie Mark Crusaders” guild. Good timing, Luminous One.

10:18 AM Great One, you know how we each have a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other? Should I be concerned that my devil has wrapped my angel in duct tape?

10:47 AM Noticed a less fortunate hero who looked like he was starving. Left him some money so he could afford a good dinner. …Well that was oddly nice of her. Isn’t her alignment currently ‘wicked’?

11:41 AM As I feared the monster was going to finish me off, it turned out to be Cloud 01 in a Sumo Ninja’s costume. He winked at me and ran away laughing.

The Inceptionist is trying to explain to the heroine that it was born this way…

05:13 AM Almighty, do you ever have one of those days where it seems like no matter where you turn, there are monsters out to get you? Yea…pretty much

05:16 AM Should I worry that I’m more concerned with writing in my diary than with what’s happening around me? No, not at all Spectra! Not at all…

05:52 AM A wandering monk said that the gods don’t like people not doing much work. People who aren’t busy all the time might start to think.

05:59 AM You know, my Lord, the life of a heroine is so lonely…

04:11 PM At last, the Fountain of Middle Age! Now people will stop calling me a young whippersnapper.

04:11 PM I finally managed to find the Fountain of Middle Age and received one of the shiniest, most resplendent gold bricks I’ve ever seen. I will place this one at the entrance to your temple, Almighty.

04:29 PM Was hit right on the nape of my neck with a lightning bolt. Now that’s the sign of a god! Prayed right away.

04:35 PM Had an appointment with the guild doctor. He squinted slyly and told me to choose one of two pills. Took the red one. Felt much better.

04:44 PM I will recite this prayer in the new Latin. Ohyay Ordlay, ivegay emay a reatgay aday of estingquay!

04:46 PM Ahhhh… The pain is just so… invigorating! Can I have more, Mighty One?

04:48 PM Maybe if I just stand here and wave my weapon around, the Mighty One will think I’m still busy…

04:50 PM The Acrophobic Dragon lost the sudden death round with a sudden death and was eliminated from the competition of life. Got 11 gold coins.

04:51 PM The Barrel Fish fought with honor and courage. I gave it a swift kick to the groin, just to prove cheap tactics will win any day.

04:52 PM The Barrel Fish tried to convince me that slaying it would fracture the space-time continuum… I knew it was bluffing. Got 29 gold coins.

04:56 PM The Walking Dead and I decided to ignore turn-based fighting convention, and instead formed a wild dust cloud with our arms and legs sticking out.

She just loves bragging about her ‘clinical strike’ skill…

05:00 PM I would do anything for you, Luminous One, especially if it’s easy.

The Holy Heretic is calling for reinforcements but is being put on hold…

07:32 PM Met Wruyn during a rest by the wayside and borrowed his diary to read. The writing is so similar… We’re obviously soulmates.

11:50 PM Pondered taking the path of atheism for a moment but then realized that I’d have no one to complain to. I think I’ll stick with you, Most Righteous One.

04:07 AM Today I fought, ate, prayed, and wrote in my diary, all while breathing! I’m such a good multitasker.

04:15 AM The pen is mightier than the sword. En garde, my diary. Scribble. Scribble. Scribble.

04:19 AM It’s raining, but I don’t know what I did to make you cry, Mighty One. I pray for your happiness.

04:26 AM Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I can’t see. ‘face palm’

04:29 AM Defeated the Three-eyed Cyclops and relieved it of a fallen hero’s last will and 33 coins. Buried its corpse in a nearby vegetable patch. May it rest in peas.

04:33 AM A beautiful angel descended majestically from the heavens, hovered gracefully in front of me, then punched me in the gut. Ouch!

04:37 AM Spent a few hours at a roadside tavern, and stunned the locals with a stirring rendition of ‘My Little Buttercup’.

04:47 AM Smoked a peace pipe with some wandering minstrels.

04:50 AM The trader gave me a great price for my piece of old equipment, pouring 545 coins out into my hands from a bag marked, “Cursed – dispose of at all cost”.

Spreading her god’s word by distributing freebies.

05:14 AM Almighty, why did you create hangovers? It’s like you don’t want me to drink!

Dozing with one eye open…

05:20 AM Omnipotent One, I am very smart, but I end up doing stupid stuff. Here’s 56 gold coins for putting up with it.

05:37 AM I managed to survive that battle relatively unscathed, exCept fOr thE brAIn daMAg3\..

05:38 AM Where’s page 404 of my diary? I can’t find it.

05:44 AM I was lifted into the light, felt my wounds start to heal, then was slammed into a tree and set on fire. My Lord, you are truly getting creative with your wrath!

11:54 AM Caught a trader cheating customers. Received some gold for my silence.

06:57 PM Stared into the abyss. Couldn’t see a thing except some lemmings practicing base-jumping.

07:02 PM The doctor warned me that drinking my weight in beer would probably kill me. Challenge accepted!

07:07 PM A silly yellow bear gave me a hug, restoring several pixels of my health.

07:14 PM I will not write in my diary, I will not write in my diary, I will not… Darn!

07:33 PM The Angel of Debt suddenly went silent, staring at the space behind me in abject horror. We put aside our differences and fled together.

07:34 PM Passed by a talking skeleton. He was humerus.

07:39 PM Had a refreshing glass of water. Needless to say, my liver was surprised.

07:43 PM Just beat a mime at a game of charades.

Searching for the correct path by using woman’s intuition…

09:58 PM The dead Inedible Hulk had 6 coins in its little coin purse. I looted it, bringing me one step closer to world supremacy.

09:58 PM Tried collecting rocks as a hobby. Realized that collecting golden bricks was the same thing and much more useful.

09:59 PM After a monumental effort, I managed to ferment my spread sheet into beer. If only I put that much work into my other heroic activities, I’d be unstoppable!

10:02 PM I stood victoriously upon the misshapen corpse of the Wedding Knight. By the way, Mighty One, could you send a few attractive looking enemies my way?

04:09 AM I wonder if someone will find my diary in the future and create a new religion.

04:13 AM I was sitting by the road counting my money when a lightning bolt struck the ground right next to me, melting my gold into a gold brick.

04:15 AM My Lord, why do you punish me? I’m starting to get caught up in this beautiful dark twisted fantasy of yours…

04:15 AM Followed my destiny. We both got hopelessly lost.

06:16 AM Sometimes I feel that life is an endless series of quests.

06:25 AM Yelled ‘Carpe Diem!’ at the Willy-the-Wasp and it died laughing. Found 38 coins.

12:03 PM Sometimes I question my sanity. Occasionally, it replies.

12:18 PM The Rainbow Unicorn bit off more than it could chew, in that it actually tried to swallow me whole. After it had choked to death, I climbed out of its mouth and nabbed its 10 gold coins and a bill of lefts before toweling off.

Exercising the right to remain violent…

07:29 PM Stumbled across my old stomping ground. I stomped on it for old times’ sake.

07:33 PM Saw a really attractive heroine today. Then I backed away from the pond before I fell in.

07:41 PM Argh! Maybe I shouldn’t stop in the middle of a fight to write a diary entry.

07:44 PM Was abducted by aliens looking for intelligent life forms. Promptly sent back.

03:11 AM Determined not to give the satisfaction to the Notary of Death for killing me again, I killed myself before it could.

03:15 AM The only person that cares about me is you, Soul Supreme, yet even you let my body lie here in the dirt.

05:07 AM Saw a fat lady sing.

Losing the will to be dead…

06:22 AM A thunderbolt flew from the sky and struck my head. This is the god-sign I’ve been waiting for! Prayed immediately.

Wishing and hoping and dreaming and praying…

Hopping up and down, holding her stubbed toe…

Suppressing painful memories…

07:25 AM My “Wanted” poster on the city gate said, “At Large.” Had to correct it to, “At Los Demonos.”

02:06 PM A wise man told me that I lack all the basic qualities to be a hero. Well, good to know I’ve got the important ones then.

02:16 PM Boils on my skin? Mighty One, I don’t need another reminder of your love for me.

04:27 PM Good friends are hard to come by. At least I know I’ll always have you, Most Righteous One.

04:28 PM Removed the Gorgon Zola’s liver. My needs are greater than its and I’m sure it can live witho… oh. Oops. Well I guess it won’t be needing this loose end and 25 gold coins either.

05:27 PM Felt itchy. Scratched.

05:48 PM The Safety Dancer cried, ‘But I thought we were just role playing!’ and vanished. Received 28 gold coins and an ultra-violent scanner.

05:51 PM A man told me that gods don’t exist. I decided to prove him wrong by holding my breath until you showed me a sign. Thank you for making me dizzy and showing me flying black spots after only two minutes. You are truly great, Omnipotent One!

09:45 PM Heroically rode out of town into the sunset. Then it got dark and I got hopelessly lost.

11:24 PM Gave a tree a hug today. It smiled at me as I walked away… It likes hugs.

11:33 PM Heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it’s off to quest I go…

11:39 PM Ripped some holes in my garments. Maybe one day I can become as holey as you, Almighty.

12:19 AM Climbed to the top of an anthill for a better view of the road ahead.

12:44 AM Ouch! Please be careful, Luminous One. My insurance doesn’t cover the acts of god.

Building a mock temple out of sand…

Showing off her devotion to her god by performing self-flagellation…

Praying and praising her Lord…

03:10 AM Uh-oh. Fell asleep during my prayers. Wiped the drool from my face and hastily donated 111 coins in the hopes that the Almighty was busy plaguing some distant land.

04:28 AM Ouch! Mighty One, what about the great responsibility that’s supposed to come with great power?

The Space Invader is shouting “EX-TER-MIN-ATE!” in a shrill metallic voice…

06:11 AM You know, Almighty, sometimes flowers can get more done than a lightning bolt to the head. I’m just saying.

06:13 AM Splashed holy water at the Decepticorn hoping to burn it. Instead it washed the dirt away, revealing Manuele. Oh how we laughed, Omnipotent One!

09:03 AM Just when I thought all was doomed, Manuele came running from the hills shouting, “Don’t worry, I’m here to help!” It was then that I knew all was doomed.

09:41 AM How the heck am I writing this, what with my body lying several feet away from my head and all…

11:31 AM They say the best part of waking up is fresh beer in your cup. Next time see that you comply, Great One.

09:49 PM The merchant chased me out of his shop, frantically spraying air freshener in my wake.

09:53 PM They had nothing in my size. I’m so angry.

01:29 AM A ray of holy light shone down from the heavens… Argh, I’m burning!

01:38 AM It seems unfair that the faceless, white mannequin in the armory can pull off this outfit way better than I can.

01:41 AM You’ve reached my diary. Sorry I can’t respond right now, but I must be busy fighting monsters or otherwise indisposed. Please shout again at a more convenient time.

Speaking in riddles to hide her complete ignorance…

Rereading her diary for clues to what she has been doing wrong…

04:14 AM My wounds are bleeding and my limbs are dislocated. I’m so tired that I think I’ll pay a visit to that local masseuse I heard about.

04:16 AM Met Cloud 01 today. We traded stories of our near-death experiences. It’s amazing how many ways a hero can die.

05:23 AM Saw Cloud 01 running from a Pygmy Giant while I was fleeing from the Guitar Hero. We joined forces and bravely fled together.

05:34 AM Stepped inside the looking glass. Got several minor lacerations and seven years of bad luck.

05:36 AM Ran out of breadcrumbs, so I dropped my straight tetris piece to complete the trail.

Over the river and through the woods…

05:41 AM Got struck by lightning. No serious harm done, except now I’m glowing in the dark.

11:13 AM Must. Resist. The. Urge. To. Cry.

11:24 AM You know, I have nothing to write about. Make something happen, Great One.

01:03 PM My hands are bleeding from punching trees. Great One, isn’t there a better way to collect firewood?

01:10 PM I sometimes miss monsters. Although I’m pretty sure my aim is improving, Exalted One.

Looking for better commuting options…

06:56 PM My Lord, you haven’t hit me in a while. Don’t you think I’m due for some attention?

07:00 PM Some people cause happiness wherever they go. I cause happiness whenever I go.

07:14 PM The trader didn’t remember his change. Score!

Dropped off the letter to Santa Claus for just 46 coins…

07:18 PM Lightning bolts streaked across the sky and burned “Spectrum Sprinter was here!” into the hillside. Impressive. Not very useful, but impressive.

07:19 PM A heavy book fell from the sky onto my head. Well, I’m a bit more clever now, though my head aches like hell.

07:20 PM They had nothing in my size. I guess I need to lose some weight… or gain some.

07:31 PM I found that I never need to look for trouble. It always seems to know exactly where I am.

07:34 PM I wish I could write as mysteriously as a cat.

Following where her finger points…

08:09 PM Um… Is my neck supposed to bend this way?

08:09 PM The Brass Monkey bit me and swallowed enough of my blood to get drunk. Got 40 coins to make up for the blood loss.

08:13 PM An invisible force grabbed me by the ankles, dipped me head-first in a pond, and scrubbed my mouth out with soap. Almighty, was it something I said?

08:13 PM Ran away from the Space Invader and hid in a graveyard. Something tells me that I would’ve ended up here either way…

11:46 PM Received a medal for setting a new course record in the Wastelands of Insomnia’s 5K. Wonder if I should mention I was actually running away from that Evil Genius.

11:47 PM The Monster in Training must have been well paid. It had 24 coins and Schrödinger’s cat box. Maybe I should apply for the monstering job now that it has become available…

11:47 PM The voices in my head keep telling me not to listen to the voices in my head.

11:50 PM I lied to the Academia Nut, telling it that I’d struck a fatal blow. It accepted its fate with dignity, handed over an antimatter of fact, and lay down to await the Grim Reaper.

Finding the way home by following her heart…

Joining other heroines at a camp fire on the way back…

12:00 AM Saw a sign reading “The Rangers guild rules!” Amended it by adding “Rule 1: Don’t join this guild. Rule 2: If you’re in this guild, leave immediately. Rule 3: Join Cutie Mark Crusaders instead”. Tee hee!

03:45 AM Oh, you think darkness is your ally, Chewbaccacabra, but you merely adopted the dark. I was born in it, molded by it… oh wait, I just had my eyes closed.

03:51 AM I’m not a coward, Almighty; I’m just risk averse.

03:54 AM The Hiphopopotamus told me it was just a diversion, and a much bigger monster was coming. I told it that I was just a diversion, and that a much bigger heroine was on her way. We both agreed to flee before things got too scary.

03:56 AM Suddenly heard the rumble of distant thunder. Fell to my knees and promptly prayed.

03:56 AM Never noticed how wonderful the world is until you struck me with that bolt of lightning, Almighty.

Trying to convince her dignity not to go on a hunger strike…

07:38 AM MEDIC! I need a medic over here!

07:40 AM That Titanium Gingerbread Man is unrolling a red carpet at the entrance of its lair for me. I have a bad feeling about this…

07:45 AM Passed a sign which read: “Visit Beerburgh! This may be your last chance before you die.”

Following the herd and hoping it’s heading back to town…

07:48 AM This hero business is hard work. I wish I could get someone to do it for me.

04:47 PM There were red-inked corrections in my diary when I woke up. Was that you, my god, or did I become smarter in my sleep?

04:54 PM Kicked some puppies… in half.

05:01 PM Heard some noises, swearing, shouts about raids, bosses and underground caves. Is someone digging nearby? Omnipotent One, I’ll be right back — if there’s anything going on, I’ll take part!

05:02 PM While digging, Suzanya, Timia and Spectrum Sprinter disturbed someone’s lair. A giant Hulking Summoning Alpacalypse shows up in front of them…

05:34 PM Notes from the battlefield: The heroes brought together by the common destiny have defeated the Hulking Summoning Alpacalypse! Spectrum Sprinter became richer by 3021 coins.

05:34 PM The Alpacalypse was used up for gold and experience! Heading to town to heal and guzzle the loot.

05:34 PM Today I fought, ate, prayed, and wrote in my diary, all while breathing! I’m such a good multitasker.

05:35 PM I’m back in town! Home sweet home!

05:36 PM Told my guildmates to shove it: I was going to see the doctor first. Now I have even more wounds for the doctor to heal.

05:39 PM Sometimes those monsters really come in handy. The doctor didn’t even need to make an incision for that operation – it was already there!

Trying to reattach a few lost teeth with super glue…

08:32 PM Tried my hand at being evil. Fiercely trampled a bunch of roadside dandelions.

08:48 PM A thunderbolt suddenly struck the side of my head. Heard a cheerful cry from the sky: ‘Headshot!’

08:51 PM A ray of holy light shone down from the heavens… Argh, I’m burning!

Staring at her wounds until they heal…

02:55 AM My arm just fell off. Oh well, it’s only a flesh wound.

03:06 AM The Contraband Snuggler fell to the ground and began screaming something about unbearable pain. Great One, I’m rather afraid of your cruelty…

The heroine is attempting to complete a series of quick-time events…

03:17 AM Discovered an abandoned port-a-potty. Realized why it was abandoned as I got closer.

Pretending the last wound didn’t happen…

03:29 AM I’m cold, tired, and wounded! Unless you want me to organize a union, I suggest you grant me better working conditions, Almighty!

05:13 AM The doctor told me he was inspired because I’m a person who loves nature in spite of what it did to me. Wait, what?

05:27 AM Mighty One, why do I hear a distant clicking sound just before anything really good or bad happens to me?

Through the lengthy dialogue and repetitive storyline…

05:48 AM Hit my funny bone. Ended up crying. A lot.

05:52 AM Shared a campfire with a hooded figure in black robes holding a scythe. He didn’t talk much, just pointed at me quietly.

05:58 AM Rubbed the self-updating diary vigorously in the hope of summoning a genie. Smoke started to plume from its surface. Just a little more… EEEK! It’s on fire! It burns! It hurts!

06:01 AM Climbed a tree to avoid the Quantum Butterfly. Met Manuele avoiding his own problems.

02:49 PM Met a nice tramp and gave him the tripewriter – his need for it was greater than mine.

02:54 PM What is wrong with all these monsters? Why does my pain give them such delight?!

02:54 PM Successfully escaped from the Tempered Glass Dragon by cliff jumping. But now I think I have a different problem…

02:59 PM The worst thing about death is not being able to scratch my itch.

03:09 PM Hey! Who turned out the lights?

03:33 PM The only person that cares about me is you, my Lord, yet even you let my body lie here in the dirt.

04:53 PM I see dead people.

Having a near-death experience, from the other side…

Lights are fading out… Heaven, I’m coming…

Learning to swim the crawl in the river Styx…

06:52 PM My nose itches. Omnipotent One, can you please scratch it for me? Or, better yet, maybe you can resurrect me so I can scratch it myself?

Trying to haunt the tavern…

09:57 PM Had this horrible dream that I was dead. Fortunately, I woke up naked on the altar of the city temple, with all my equipment neatly arranged beside me. Odd!

09:58 PM A learned priest suddenly realized that the sacred inscription on the ancient monolith in the town square was actually an anagram of “Cutie Mark Crusaders”! I made sure to spread the amazing news in all the local taverns.

Choking on religious ecstasy and holy wine…

Approaching nirvana…

10:01 PM Almighty god, give me some money to spend on donations, and some time to send prayers to you!

03:27 AM You know, Most Righteous One, it’s been a while since you last threw a lightning bolt at me. Losing your touch?

08:26 AM Found a yellow submarine at the seashore yesterday, but it was infested with beetles so I let it be.

08:45 AM The trader told me he didn’t need my piece of old equipment as he had one of his own, but dropped and broke his when he tried to show it to me. Decided to strike while the irony’s hot and got 534 coins for my item.

Drawing a caricature of Cuddles19730 for a laugh…

09:01 AM Skeletons rose out of the Godville cemetery, proceeded to the town square and performed an elaborate dance number to the tune of “Cutie Mark Crusaders”’s anthem. That just might be the strangest thing this town has seen… Ever.

04:17 PM Jaded by the long line to the doctor, I instigated an impetuous game of “Follow-the-Bleeder”.

04:28 PM Found some pixels on the ground. Added them to my health bar.

Patiently waiting for her turn to push to the front of the line…

08:04 PM I saw Cloud 01 fighting a Hellaphant. I waved, and the monster waved back. Awkward.

10:00 PM I successfully completed the quest to sacrifice tradition on the altar of progress. Looted treasure – check! Slain princess – check! Rescued dragon – check… Um… I think I made a mistake somewhere. I’d better get rid of the evidence…

Driving her karma over her dogma…

07:43 AM Everyone was excited when “Boatmurdered” announced free beer in honor of Cutie Mark Crusaders. By the time I got there, all they had left was the bill for 664 gold coins.

03:04 PM ‘Watch where you tread!’ the monster said. It hit my head; I may have bled. I turned and fled. My face is red, but I’m not dead.

07:39 PM If I’d known the bars closed this early in the afterlife, I’d have put up more of a fight.

05:40 AM It was love at first sight. My eyes locked with those of the trader’s son and for what seemed like forever, we gazed at each other affectionately and nothing else mattered. Then I spoke.

05:59 AM I drew a picture of you, Mighty One. Could you stick it on your heavenly fridge?

06:08 AM A bolt of lightning caused Timon to jump out of his skin. I could see all his bones and everything. Do that again, Soul Supreme!

11:12 PM A totem pole unexpectedly grew up out of the middle of the main high street in the center of Godville, depicting the face of each and every member of “Cutie Mark Crusaders” guild! We’ve certainly become more recognizable here, Almighty.

Priming the pump…

03:06 PM The merchant tried to quietly steal my handful of small change, but suddenly a fireball flew through the window and stopped the huckster from doing so. Serves him right, doesn’t it, Almighty?

03:06 PM A spotlight alerted me to a lowly tramp trying to steal from a shop, and I arrested him in the name of “Cutie Mark Crusaders”. The shop owner praised my guild in front of the whole town. Thanks for the tip-off, Omnipotent One.

03:11 PM Knocked out the merchant’s tooth and sold it to another trader.

04:07 PM Walking. Walking. Walking. Tripping. Falling. Writhing in pain. Ow. Ow.

02:00 AM My quest to step on every crack in the road between Godville and Deville was completed with excellence! Got a shiny golden brick and felt great about it.

08:52 AM Our guild prophet ordered me to step on every crack in the road between Godville and Deville. For “Cutie Mark Crusaders”!

12:28 PM The more people I meet, the more I love my Timon.

12:47 PM Chaos, panic, and disorder – my work in this town is done.

Searching for the correct path by using woman’s intuition…

07:46 PM I vaguely recall being at the pub, drinking booze, and even more booze… But that’s all I can remember. Now I’m missing 122 coins from my purse. My Lord, I really should give up drinking. …YOU DON’T SAY?!

“Go, Timon! I choose you!”

02:00 PM Stood in line at the doctor’s office. Got tired of waiting and shouted ‘My ninja tortoise hasn’t eaten in 3 days and is very hungry!’ The doctor sensed the emergency and had me treated in no time.

12:21 PM I was suddenly ambushed by a pack of wild ninja tortoises. I thought I was doomed until Timon leapt in front of me and growled fiercely. The creatures lowered their heads and backed away respectfully. I must remember to treat Timon next time we’re in town…

12:43 PM The equipment merchant told me that animals were not allowed in the shop. I guess I’ll manage without new gear; I don’t want to leave Timon alone out in the street.

12:48 PM Great One, when I said I wanted a ‘high-five’, I meant the normal hand slap. Not the ‘huge palm that crushed me flat from the sky-five’.

12:57 PM Thunder rumbled ominously across the sky. Did you have curry last night, my Lord?

02:40 AM I have no idea how completing my quest to finish an everlasting gobstopper got me a latex catsuit, but I’ll take it!

08:05 AM What doesn’t kill me gives me experience points. Farewell, Sewer Gator.

08:10 AM A giant magnifying glass crossed the sky, and I felt a searing pain on my behind. Ouch! Guess Almighty thinks I’m an anty-hero.

08:10 AM I was suddenly forced to my knees in a praying position. I got the hint, Great One!

08:57 PM Almighty god, reveal your grace to me! Do not leave this miserable wretch to suffer alone. I offer this – 42 gold coins.

Living la muerte loca…

Posing while decomposing…

The hills are alive with the sound of music…

07:05 PM How am I writing in my diary if I’m dead? Does that make me a ghost writer?

05:09 PM Almighty, I think my deaths outnumber my birthdays now. That’s normal, right? She said on her 21st death