YEAR 2800 BGV (BEFORE GODVILLE)
In the beginning the gods created the Lizard beasts to dominate the land. They thrived on carnage and acted on pure instinct. They were the gods’ greatest accomplishments until one day they were tragically wiped out. The world was taken in an instant by a drunken miscalculation. The reptiles, once fierce, were slaughtered by a plastic ball during the tournament of the gods. They dubbed it beer pong.
Drunk and in an angry stupor the gods threw globs of matter at the one who will not be named. Ironically, behind the blameless sat the bowl of creation and in an instant
BAM
Man was created.
To perfect to admit their mistake, the gods rolled the dice of chance and decided to guide man with all his imperfections. Sobering up they scientifically paired themselves with man by the drawing of straws. Cryptkeaper was unfortunately aligned with his new god Holyreaper the drunkest of them all and so begins our tale….....
YEAR 1 AGV (AFTER GODVILLE) A Hero is Born
Still reeking of creators brew our hero ventures out to find his identity with pen and diary in hand. A strange man with a giant ”!” over his head begs Cryptkeaper to handle a dangerous task. Armed only with an old chicken bone our hero accepts and ventures off to fight monsters in hopes of glory. Somehow with the aid of his god and a lot of luck, Cryptkeaper survived countless battles and a few quests acquiring great riches and better gear. All was well until one day he stumbles upon the town of Beerburg. With pockets full of coin and a smile on his face he wanders into the local bar after haggling with the local traders. A new found ambition overcame him as he sat down on his stool, “Water into wine… HA!!!! That’s easy, try turning gold into beer!!!!” With out-turned pockets he showered the bar with coin. Many a pint changed hand until time became clouded, filled with forgotten memories.
YEAR 7 AGV Tow Matto Yo Motto
After many monstrous days and beer filled nights it was time to make his place in this world with a grand all inspiring motto…
“LOOKS LIKE A JOB FOR!!!!!! DA DA DA DAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! Somebody else”
Or maybe it wasn’t so inspiring…... Anyways, moving on…..
YEAR 10 AGV Dual School
Entering the wrong bar at the wrong time our hero meets his first skirmish. “I’m not going to brag and say I’m the greatest buuut…... I’ve lost some pretty good battles against some not so famous people… I’m just saying. “
YEAR 12 AGV United Meteocracy
Hero returned to Godville after several years had passed. Once a small village, Godville had expanded to a wondrous city prospering with the help of united heroes and heroines. Feeling left out, Cryptkeaper began his search for his place among them. He first tried the Butt Kickers union, but they kicked his butt. Someone suggested the Noners guild but he couldn’t find it. Depressed and about to give up A voice thundered threw the wind.
“Join Guild Name Guild”
As if by fate the building towering before him bore the plaque GUILD NAME. Eager for unity he raced up the steps to knock on the door. After agreeing to diet on beer and cheese he signed the 5 year contract and was welcomed into their ranks. From then on his motto was forever changed to “Guild Name till death!”
YEAR 18 AGV The Pound
All heroes seek companionship for the long adventure. Cryptkeaper was no different. He began his search for the perfect pet at the kennels in Godville but none were tough enough so he searches on. 2 years had passed when Cryptkeaper came across a Hawaiian girl angry at the world. She yelled something about her ohana and sent her demon bunny to attack him. After an enduring encounter, Cryptkeaper had defeated the bunny and was left alone with the body as the girl ran away in tears.
10:31 I looked into the kind eyes of the vanquished monster and suddenly decided — Dust Bunny, you’ll be my pet! And I’ll call you Stitch. Bandaged his wounds, gave him a treat and fastened the leash.
YEAR 21 AGV A golden light of change
Cryptkeeper’s new companionship came with many new challenges. Our hero loved his new pet and spared no expense to take care of him. He paid 935 gold coins to give his little animal a bath before starting a tough campaign. Stitch’s coat now shines with exuberance and he was happily hiccupping soap bubbles. But his new found friend had trouble with obedience. After countless battles he patiently waited until Stitch had finished marking the area. He constantly chewed on monster legs delaying our hero’s progress. On occasion Stitch would disappear completely. Cryptkeeper was forced to shake the bushes and shout Stitch’s name in the forest to find him. One day Stitch’s Houdini act lead Cryptkeeper into trouble. While peering into the bushes Cryptkeeper met face to face with the Double Dragon. Its fire breath and lightning strikes seemed more than a match for our hero. Worry weighed in on Cryptkeeper’s subconscious allowing the Double Dragon to land blow after blow. It looked like the final chapter in this hero’s book. The Double Dragon raise its foot ready to strike its final blow then suddenly froze. A low growl echoed threw out the forest. Closer and closer the sound came towards the fight. The confused Double Dragon began to circle in its place. Closer and closer the growls came. As the sound became louder the Double Dragon bolted. Spooked by the unknown sound the monster disappeared. Then out of the shadows Stitch emerged holding vials of healing elixir. He licked his master’s wounds to make amends and the two became friends again. Suddenly Stitch was lifted into the air filled with a golden glow. When he landed back down he curled into a ball and fell asleep. Floating above his head was a single word. > > lazy <<