As Dungwart’s God (His Most Excellent), I can say for certainty that Dungwart is lazy and cowardly, but primarily, an idiot. Therefore considering all my other duties, I rarely, if ever, pay him much attention, much less ever do anything to help him out. Although I do, on occasion, scribble down some of his thoughts and experiences. As a simple hero, his chronicles are simple…very, very simple. Read them, if you want, and I’m sure you will understand, and agree with me completely. So, without further comment, I give you “The Chronicles of Dungwart”. +
Joined ‘Guild Name’ guild. Probably a mistake.
Playing “murder in the dark” alone isn’t much fun. Owww!
Trouble seems to find me no matter where I get drunk and threaten people.
Realized that I enjoy playing with fire and sharp things. Note to self: Get bandages and aloe.
Have developed a great survival strategy…make lots of friends…hide behind them.
I don’t care what anyone says. I think a monkey would be a pretty cool pet after you train them to dress and feed themselves.
Woke up naked, penniless, and tied to a bed in a dark basement…again.
Was chased and repeatedly bitten by a giant snapping turtle. If I had been sober enough to walk, that would not have happened.
Paddled out to a distant island in a leaky canoe using a brittle stick. Felt the urge to jump over a burning sofa while naked. Could not find a sofa. Built a small fire and jumped over it. Wasn’t completely satisfied. Put clothes back on. Paddled back.
Death is kind if like being really, really drunk, except you can’t stop people from poking you with sticks.
Found myself in the rocky median of a busy interstate several miles out of town. No real recollection of how I got there, but the stench if cheap hootch gave me a clue.
Walked up to what I thought was a food truck and ordered some tortillas and a slab of cabrito. Imagine my embarrassment when I was told that I was in a KOA.
The cab driver said that I couldn’t get into his cab smoking a cigar and carrying an open bucket of bloody marys. He left before I finished.
Bumblebees are out everywhere. They seem to be watching me with those big compound eyes. I don’t think they can turn their heads. Do bumblebees have necks?