To visit the High king of undies godwiki page, click on the link.
A long time ago I met my god, the High king of undies. He searched for a hero to do his bidding and there I was. He nicknamed me “last choice” from the first moment we met. My lord isn’t all that smart for saving his best choice for last but he did make the right decision.
My god instructed me to buy a diary before I could become a full fledged hero. Didn’t see any logic connection but I obeyed my god and went shopping.
There were lots of different types, big and small, thick and thin, red and green (I guess blue was sold out). but there was one thing they all had in common, (exept for having a cover and blank pages) they all had a lock.
As soon as I tried to take one of the diaries a lightning bolt hit the diary that I was about to pick up and now a text that said “take the lockless diary” was burned into the cover.
Not wanting to get zapped on my first day as a hero I did as my lord commanded me and took the lockless diary. I think my lord wishes me to take the lockless diary to prove to me I can trust him.
Maybe that way we can form some sort of bond or something else that’s really important for Almighty and me.
After a few intense days of questing I decided to join a guild. I’ve spend a lot of time doing research to find the perfect guild for me and when I was almost done Almighty ordered me to join Blue Feather.
I was disappointed that I couldn’t choose a guild of my own but I’ve already got a plan ready.
I will listen to Almighty and join Blue Feather and then I will just try to sneak out after a few days to join the guild I want to be in.
My plan to leave the guild Blue Feather didn’t work. Almighty keeps catching me trying to join another guild. I wish there was a decision in my life that I could make on my own.
Days passed by and I considered myself mature enough to take care of a pet. I went back to questing as usual and found a lot of potential pets along the way.
None of them became my pet since I knew, Almighty was watching me. I had to be patient and wait for Almighty to stop stalking me.
I noticed the eerie sensation of Almighty’s eyes burning in my back was fading away and decided the next monster I encountered to be my pet.
As I was searching for the perfect pet I got bit in my ankle by a giant rat. I had my doubts about it but decided to put on a leash before Almighty came back and ruins this moment.
I rushed back to town to show everyone my new pet but then my pet got caught by a Firefox.
The firefox ate my pet while I yelled No that’s not fair! I’m not supposed to encounter any monsters on my way back to town!
I didn’t have a choice since I knew Almighty could be back any time. I quickly leashed the Firefox, named him Boo and pretended the last 5 minutes didn’t happen.
One day Boo and I encountered a vicious Nobodyguard. We fought bravely but we couldn’t defeat it. The monster had me cornered and was ready to cast the final blow.
I thought It was my life that flashed by before my eyes but no, It was Boo. He threw himself before the monster’s feet causing the Nobodyguard to trip and break his neck.
Boo was crushed by the Nobodyguard and lost conciousness. I begged Almighty to tell me what to do but all I heard was “The god you are currently trying to contact is unavailable at the moment, leave a message after the beep…”
I’ve waited for hours but I heard no beep. After a while I calmed down and returned to town. Maybe someone can save my Firefox.
Back in town I learned of a way to revive Boo. The only thing that can save Boo is a lot of gold. They say gold is not the most important thing in the world but those people probably keep their pets at home instead of taking them with them to go on dangerous adventures like every responsible pet owner does.
What am I doing? I don’t have time to write my chronicles now. I need to save Boo, write in my diary and I still need to visit four taverns before I can go back to questing!
It’s been 60 hours since Boo was knocked out. I’m too late, I couldn’t save him.
The lifeless body of my Firefox was lying in my arms, my knees hit the ground and I started crying. I will never forget you. A tear rolled off of my cheek and landed on Boo’s forehead and he woke up.
Boo, You’re alive! My tears must have healed you, I’m so ha-
Before I could finish my sentence a priest hit me on the head with his cane and told me “He was never dying you idiot, he was just knocked out.”
I hit the priest in his face multiple times and asked him why I needed to pay him so much money to revive Boo if he was never gonna die anyway.
I couldn’t understand the priest’s response (because I punched out all his teeth). Gave Boo a big hug and smuggled him into the tavern for a party.
Day after day, quest after quest, death after death, my life isn’t getting any easier for me. There must be a way to make life better. Gold is the only way.
Heroes from all over godville read my chronicles and seem to enjoy it. There must be a way to put my chronicles to good use.
I can make some gold out of it if I get this published. No more bloody battles, no more senseless quest and ofcourse more time for beer.
As I approached Godville’s publisher/tavern the “Daily Tankard”, something started to buzz in my pocket. I reached in and pulled out a strange rectangular shaped device. It started to glow and a green and red icon appeared on it. I tapped the red icon and the buzzing stopped.
Mere seconds later the device buzzed again showing the two icons again. This time I tapped the green one and the buzzing stopped again but something was different. A voice from within the device said “Hello?”.
I freaked out and ran around town looking for the blacksmith to see if he could open the device. Not knowing where the blacksmith was I decided to drop to the ground and yell for the blacksmith to come find me. Some nice people found me and brought me to the blacksmith.
After showing him the device he grabbed a hammer and gently smashed it into pieces. Where’s the little man? I’m sure someone was in there. This better not be one of Boo’s pranks, I’ll have to interrogate him later just to be sure.
For now it seems to be a good idea to return to the publisher and get a drink first.
After finishing my drinks I went to see the publisher to work out a deal to sell my chronicles in Godville. We worked out a deal, in order to get my chronicles published I must save one million gold coins.
After leaving the “Daily Tankard” behind I went back to questing to finish my temple and save one freaking million gold coins. I bet Boo already ate half a million gold coins after all the time we spend together so maybe if I shake him hard enough some of it comes out.
Entered the Blue Feather guild hall when suddenly confetti bombs were thrown in my face by the other guild members. After Picking all the confetti out of my nose the guild chef yelled “Food fight!” And made it rain
delicious cherry pies. Which caused a massive food war. The chance one starves in this guild is as big as a fish drowning in water.
It was just another day at the office untill I was handed a cupcake with a candle in it. “Congratulations upon reaching Cardinal rank!” Yelled everyone in unison. Maybe this guild isn’t that bad after all.
Finally, finally! One thousand bricks, I have them all. Upon placing the last brick I was filled with the feeling of accomplishment.
Boo stared at the temple made from golden bricks and then looked up. Suddenly he started barking at me and turned his back to the temple.
After all this time and effort we put into it he doesn’t even wanna look at it. I wonder what’s wrong.
I admired the temple when suddenly the clouds vanished from the sky and the sun shone on my temple. It was shiny, perhaps too shiny. I screamed in pain and ran around screaming “I’m blind!”, running into pretty much everything in the area.
That’s it Almighty! I’m off to buy sunglasses.
For reason unknown, Almighty split his power and created a new goddess, the High queen of undies. This goddess was championed by the heroine called Lady undie.
Why did Almighty split his power to create a new goddess championed by a heroine, is it impossible for a god to be championed by more than one hero, is Almighty just like the “High queen of undies” a fragment of another god’s power? So many questions unanswered.
Please Almighty, if you read this; ANSWER ME!
I’ve been following this “Lady undie” for a while now and discovered she joined the guild called The Ideaboxers Union.
It seems to be a small guild where it’s members help their gods come up with new kind of events that might occur in the world.
What could this all mean? Could there be some sort of group or cult that control the world of Godville?!
Almighty, are you part of all of this as well?
One million gold, I’ve really saved up one million gold! Time to head back to the Daily Tankard to get my chronicles published all over Godville. Or at least that’s what I thought.
Upon arriving at the Daily Tankard I was approached by the city guards. They forcefully dragged me into a dark alley and warned me not to spend any of the gold in my savings. Apparently that’s against the rules of the Godville Administrators. Corruption! Godville’s city guards are corrupted I tell you! I will rewrite my chronicles myself again and again if that’s what it takes to show everyone the truth!
At least that was my plan until the guards offered to pay for all my drinks tonight. You know, Almighty, forgive and forget… right?
It’s so dark in here, I can’t see a thing!
Who would have thought? It’s hard to see underground with your eyes closed. It might not be a bad thing.
Every now and then my lord wants me to descend down into a dungeon with other heroes. Fallen heroes, traps, gremlins and terrifying bosses. No, dungeons are no joke.
And if you thought it couldn’t get any worse you constantly hear the voice of false gods ordering me around. When I want to go south I get the words “go west” burned into my eyelids. At least that’s easy to see with your eyes closed.
And the worst thing of all! When we finally get to the treasure which is enough to buy us all beer for a week we have to deposit it all in a box so our gold is immediately stored onto our bank account.
What are we saving for anyway? What could my lord possible want to get that’s so expensive?! Does he intend to melt all that gold into bricks and order me to build 999 more temples?! Please, Almighty, don’t do that to me.
What do they think they are doing? Are they all insane?! Well yh… I already knew that, but why? Why choose my god to lead the guild?
He’s so unreasonable! Healing my wounds just so I can get attacked again by monster without beer breaks in between. Punishing me when I slack off. Making me build a golden temple. Seriously, what’s wrong with normal bricks? And now he wants to save up 30 million gold and build an ark out of gopher wood logs. What’s wrong with normal wood planks?
They want a god like mine to lead them? Soon I won’t be the only unfortunate hero who has to endure all this. Every hero and heroine from Blue Feather will have to! And soon every hero in existence!
a few moments later
What? Every hero already has to do all of this! I wanted to warn everyone about what was coming but they already had to do all that from the start. Is this some kind of game to you, Almight?! Are we all just a bunch of NPC’s in a text based game to you?