The Creation of Henrietta Von Loskop
It all began when the merciful Godenheld decided to make a heroine out of the sloppiest pile of mud. He started by putting a deformed carrot on the face for the nose and raisins for the eyes, made a hole for the mouth and used pebbles to make teeth, he also used spaghetti for the hair. Godenheld took the body off of some poor kid’s snowman and used it for the heroine’s body and an overbaked potato was used to make her brain.
When he had finished assembling the body, Godenheld had struck his creation with lightning to transform his ingredients into his very own heroine. Despite his ‘best’ efforts, she turned out looking like the most revolting creature one could ever come across.
Despite being mindnumbingly ugly, Henrietta is the one of the kindest souls you will ever come across. But nobody ever dares to mention how ugly she is, because everyone that has told her so mysteriously disappeared, nobody knows jow or why, only that Henrietta was somehow involved.
She is also quite well known in town due to Henrietta often being seen giving sashimi to the homeless. She’s not the best of fighters, but she gets along just fine. In conclusion, if you see her in the wild, please give her some spaghetti.
Thank you
The Journey of Henrietta: Episode 1, “The Spaghetti Project”
The righteous, spaghetti-haired Henrietta journeyed through thick and thin, high and low, wide and narrow, savoury & sweet meadows in search of the perfect pasta recipe to delight the townspeople. After minutes of searching she gathered ingredients, such as 8-bit mushrooms, and eyes from a Vogon Poet. She prayed that her dish would be satisfactory, and with the help from her God, she started giving it away in heaps. The townspeople, although disgusted by the dish, were compelled to beg for more. To this day nobody knows why that was so, perhaps Godenheld had something to do with it? Nevertheless, it remains a mystery.
The End
The Journey of Henrietta: Episode 2, “The Tomatoes”
This is a tale about a young, courageous, and utterly stupid heroine. This heroine has embarked on many journeys, most of which have consisted of walking around and hitting monsters with her weapon until she eventually says that insert quest name here is complete. This buffoon is none other than Henrietta Von Loskop.
In her latest journey, Henrietta had went to a neighbour to borrow some tomatoes for her spaghetti dishes. But upon asking the neighbour for said tomatoes, the neighbour replied, “I will give you some tomatoes, but only if you succeed in a quest to Leave the main storyline to finish some side quests.”
“Okay, for tomatoes, that is what I shall do” said Henrietta. So she embarked on her journey, as always meeting, killing and fleeing from many monsters along the way. She even died a few times! Anyways, she tried her best to only do side quests, just like the quest required.
After many days of questing, she stopped to rest beside a tree. Suddenly, an apple fell from the tree and struck Henrietta square on the head. After rubbing her head from the impact, she realised that her quest to Leave the main storyline to finish some side quests was in fact part of the main storyline!
She rushed home, went to her neighbour to tell him that her quest was victorious! To which the neighbour said “Well done, Henrietta. You did good!” And proceeded to hand a barrel full of tomatoes over to Henrietta, who was wide-eyed upon seeing this massive gathering of fruit. She immediately took the tomatoes and ran back to her house to finish her now ruined spaghetti.
That was the story about how Henrietta was willing to do days of questing for tomatoes instead of just buying some at the market.
The End
Completion of Temple
Note from Henrietta herself: “My face must be glowing like this golden temple I just now finished for you, Mighty One. I have to say, it does look great!”
After months of questing and hundreds of bricks, the temple of Godenheld is finally complete! Devotees to Godenheld gathered all around the temple to marvel at its beauty… and its faint smell of bolognese.
There are many more things still to do, but i guarantee that Henrietta Von Loskop will accomplish them all!
The Zombie Spider Pig incident
“Help me!” cried the helpless, angsty
teenage boy as he was thrown to the ground, the earth shaking from the force. He became the target of a particularly nasty zombified Spider Pig after he claimed that it’s venom smelled like rotten egg, a capital offence in Spider Pig culture, but a common occurrence amongst the undead members of the species. “Your cries for help will only be answered with your death!” replied the irate monster, “And maybe next time you’ll think twice before flexing your immaturity!”
“How am I going to do that if I’m dead?!” remarked the boy. “Just shut up and die already!” it yelled in return. The monster had had quite enough of listening to his whining, in fact, it found the boy rather irritating.
The undead Spider Pig lifted one of its eight, hairy legs, preparing to extinguish the boy’s life, when suddenly it stopped, and cried in pain. The smell of rotten bacon filled the air as the leg it lifted fell to the ground with a thud, severed. The zombified snorting arachnid stumbled back in surprise.
“Who dares sever my leg?” it bellowed, “Do you have any idea how much these things cost? I don’t have insurance, I’ll have to sell one of my other legs to get it replaced!”
After a moment, a woman stepped out of the shadows, bacon-scented sword in hand. Her name was Henrietta.
“Why don’t you two boys stop fighting already,” moaned Henrietta. “You disturbed my sleep, now make up or I’ll remove more than just your leg!”
“Alright, alright! If it gets you to shut up, I’ll forgive the little brat. Just this once.”
The now seven-legged creature proceeds to forcefully hug the teen.
“Heh, guess you don’t smell so bad after all,” said the teenager.
“Henrietta Von Loskop, bringing people and zombified monsters together since last Thursday!” Exclaimed Henrietta as she walked away and sunk into a pit of quicksand. The day is saved, for now. Evil laughter is heard in the distance