Hero

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Thanathalas

level 35

'Tis a fool's errant!

Age 7 years 8 months
Personality neutral
Guild no guild
Monsters Killed about 23 thousand
Death Count 16
Wins / Losses 106 / 40
Bricks for Temple 64.9%
Pet Sun dog Shelby 16th level

Equipment

Weapon axes of evil +44
Shield iron curtain +43
Head helmet of thickheadedness +43
Body chain e-mail +43
Arms Chinese finger trap +42
Legs hellbottoms +43
Talisman demon's heart +43

Skills

  • clinical strike level 16
  • cobweb gulp level 16
  • street magic level 14
  • iron vortex level 11
  • mass effect level 10
  • quantum leap level 7
  • menacing glance level 6

Pantheons

Gratitude646
Gladiatorship2367

Achievements

  • Honored Renegade
  • Builder, 2nd rank
  • Champion, 2nd rank
  • Favorite, 2nd rank
  • Animalist, 3rd rank
  • Dueler, 3rd rank
  • Hunter, 3rd rank
  • Invincible, 3rd rank
  • Martyr, 3rd rank
  • Saint, 3rd rank

Hero's Chronicles

== First Life, First Death ==

Descending upon this world, I realized that I cannot be without a mortal avatar; while eyeballing a homeless bum who was guzzling beer, I knew at a glance: Forsooth! ‘Tis be a man who wouldn’t be missed. Swiftly, I whisked the bum and hosed his mind down with some bleach squeaky clean — far easier a task than I inagined — and thereafter christened him Thanathalas (I mean, just what kind of name is Ogwle Mugglumberg…?). Therewith championed as the hero of folly and no knowledge to boot, his first act of heroism was to ask: Who am I?, What is my purpose for existing? and Where is the tavern?. Though, he more or less forgot about them after downing a couple tankards of ale immediately upon completing his first ill-received quest. I guess some addictions are hard to change…

Being the prolific drinker like the hero he is, our champion was certainly due to have liver failure sooner or later — and sooner it was. On the fourth day of his inception, he underwent an ad-hoc post-mortem liver operation accidentally on purpose; more specifically, it involved transplanting the liver from his belly to a monster’s. Traumatizing as it was, the surgery was nonetheless an astounding success, and the champion was fit as a fool right after being resurrected, all ready to slay a couple dozen monsters, drown in a couple hundred beers and pray to his god to cure his hangover. In other related news, the monster in question died from alcohol poisoning shortly afterwards. Too bad it was classified as suicide rather than heroic slaughter.


== Founding of the Guild ==

After the first week of his creation, the divine and witless champion Thanathalas decided to embark upon a life-changing quest: to create a guild in honour of his god. To be more precise, it was a guild enacted in honour of his god’s limitless folly and incessant antics—… hold on, is he pleased or is he pissed?

After waylaying a couple of familiar strangers and an unlucky llama, Thanathalas managed to find directions to Godville’s guild administrator. God knows what the guild administrator was doing out in the boondocks — and I’m not telling. A couple or five days of hazardous questing, spelunking and boozing later, the hero finally met with the administrator atop a mountain within a smoking caldera of a crater. Or is it a crater of a caldera? Anyway. Weary, beer-starved and two-thirds bored to death, Thanathalas handed the guild application form over to the ashen-faced-bodied-and-clothed man, and the guild, ‘Thy Folly of We Gods’, was finally born!

¡All heil foolishness! yammered the guild administrator, flailing his arms skywards, ¡All heil foolishness!

Of course, being the foolish and fun-loving hero he is, in celebration of this great deed he dashed to the next mountain up, climbed atop its peak, and hollered “‘Tis a fool’s errant!” at the top of his lungs before snow-boarding headlong down the mountain’s slopes. A pity the snow stopped a quarter of the way down.


== A Duelist’s Burning Passion ==

Where champion meets drunk champion; where passion meets burning passion; where blade meets blade and the occasional handle… in the Arena, duelists are born, champions are crowned, dreams are forged, friendships are broken and drinking money earned.

All while our hero was questing, he had also been participating in the arena with earnest — much like a businessman of a multinational company part-timing at the local convenience store round the corner. Initially, due in most part to his ineptitude and in little part to my inexperience, Thanathalas suffered a couple of underwhelming losses in the arena. Dejected, world-weary and kind of thirsty, the dejected hero homed in onto the nearest tavern and drowned his sorrows away. Alas, such inadequate delinquency is intolerable — how dare he drink and yet not commit wanton violence?! Yanking him by the barstool, I tossed the social reject out into the arena; and a fine idea it was! Inebriated with a flagon too much ale and faced with the prospect of too little liquor, Thanathalas’ propensity for unscrupulous violence was burgeoned — and he won the next duel with staggering ease. With his spirits raised by that victory, Thanathalas stumbled onto his knees, threw his arms up and praised the sun: “I WANT MY DRINK BACK!!”…

Pssst, Thanathalas! Follow the script! You’re supposed to shout ‘Hallelujah’ or something along those lines here! Don’t ignore me like you always do! Grrr…

—Anyway, he then picked himself up to the pub, and picked up his drinking where he left off. After eight consecutive days of drunken brawling, golden brick burglaring and divine shout-at-top-of-lungs-ing, Thanathalas won duel after duel, and became known as “Thanathalas the Invisible, 3rd rank”! A glorious title for a foolish hero!… hold on. Thanathalas! You sure you got the right title? Best speak with the arena administrator for a moment…


== The Champion’s Downfall ==

On the twelfth day of Christma— I mean, of Thanathalas’ conception, he lost so many arena matches in a row it wasn’t funny anymore. Actually, no — it wasn’t even funny the first time round!

Thanathalas! What have you been doing, aside from frolicking in the fields, getting hopelessly lost on the roads, waylaying innocent monsters in the wilds, playing red-light-green-light with milestones, splurging on dysfunctional equipment in the markets, drinking yourself silly in the pubs, flirting one-sidedly with the ladies, casting jealous stares at higher-leveled champions, dozing off in the middle of each day, wasting precious coin on hangover pills, shaving golden bricks for extra gold, praying for better health plus an extra liver, and waxing nonsensical with the temple priests?… hold on. Thanathalas, have you done ANYTHING aside from all that?!

…Spare the rod, spoil the child, they say. Spare the smiting and ruin thy hero. Heh.


== Minihunter of Minibosses ==

One month into the new praying year, Thanathalas had, against all odds, managed to sniff out and unearth the lairs of a couple boss-monsters like a stealthy, surreptitious and sneaky little molerat (a molerat that’s drunk like a fruitfly in brandy, that is). On top of that, he had also managed to walk straight into the traps of dozens more. Of course, being the hero he is, he then galliantly proceeded to redecorate their living rooms (and part of their lawn) with his own brand of interior design. That is to say:

WITH. THEIR. OWN. GUTS. (and some of his own)


== Praise the Sun Dog! ==

To think I would live to see the day when my champion has become mature enough to take care of a significant other! Sniffle. Thanathalas had managed to befriend a stray Sun Dog after a pleasant exchange over claw, tooth and nail, and fortunately for everyone involved he had named his new friend rather fittingly — Shelby is, by all means, a rather nice moniker. I had feared for the worst after learning the titles he gave to his equipment… on that note, please do rest in pieces, oh Flappjack the wind turban and Ludwig Yyandafika the coffee table top.

Dabbing the tears from the corners of my eyes (indeed, thinking about those horrible names is certainly a traumatizing ordeal… huh? Oh, I meant that I was deeply touched by the maturation of my champion!— His naming sense, that is), I gaze upon them as they frolic about in the fields, flitting from milestone to milestone. Look at them go! Don’t they look like the best of buds alre— hey, did Thanathalas just chuck Shelby at that Mona Lizard while running away?


== Third Eye of God ==

After a month and a half of having my champion practice the duel arts of highwaymanship and gladiatorship I had apparently grown out a Third Eye! Though, when I touched my forehead there was only a painful pimple there. Could it be stress from all my hero’s antics? Or was it karma from slaying all those monsters?! In any case, with the Third Eye fully activated I can peep on my hero’s most precious and important moments at the click of my mouse! In fact, I can even choose which parts of his life I most want to look at! Ho~hohoho! How superbly wonderful — customization and freedom of choice and all that. O-oh, but I must disclaim that I am no voyeur; I assure you, my records are squeaky clean!

Click.

…Well, they were. Hmm, what’s this? Oh, a replay of a message from Thanathalas a couple hours ago; I’d never have guessed that he would have the cognizance to prepare a message as such! Let’s see… “If you are viewing this message right now, it probably means that I deserve more beer for working so earnestly on your temple, oh Omnipresent and All-Seeing One! Your humble servant eagerly awaits his reward — in fact, I’m always eagerly awaiting my reward! Look!” Tilting my camera downwards, I saw indeed my dear champion, waving sluggishly at me from his barstool. Don’t tell me he had been there ever since he had left that message?

Click-click, click. Kabaam!! Tshsss…


== Flickering of the Light ==

Drats! That blasted monster is too strong! Thanathalas, you must esca— wait, Shelby, what are you doing?! Don’t dive in, no!

THUMP! Flop.

…eh.

SHELBY~!! DON’T DIE! YOU CAN’T DIE YET!! DON’T LEA—… o-oh, he’s still breathing. Phew. Hey, that was too close, wasn’t it, Thanathalas… Thanathalas? Damn, he’s dead. Shelby’s brave sacrifice was for nothing. Tch, now who’s going to bring Shelby to the healer?


== 56D: 10,000K ==


== Under Construction ==

Like the rest of my shiny golden temple, the rest of my chronicles are still under construction. The page apologises for any unwarranted dissatisfaction or displeasure caused.