All right. Who put me in Godville? Go ahead. Laugh it up. Ha. Ha. Ha. Very funny, guys. Very funny. Who’s idea was this? Marc? Marc, I know it was you. You’re always pranking people. I see your hand in this. I know you’re looking all innocent up there. I can’t see it, but I know it. Oh me. Someone just spoke to me. In my head. Wow, so that’s what it feels like.
Wait. Wait a second. You guys… You didn’t.
Oh myself. You’ve given me a goddess.
A freaking Godville goddess.
You turned me into a hero! You guys actually turned me into a hero! When I get back up there, I swear I will kick your trickster behinds to the seventh dimension and back five times over! And no! I do not care that you have soft tushies!
Okay. Deep breaths. All right. Now… let’s think. How do I go back to being a goddess? You guys got anything? Yeah, that’s what I thought. You lot never think anything through, and I’m always the one that ends up dealing with the consequences. Fat lot of good you gods are.
Ouch! What was that?
…a tree branch? Hey, I got hit on the head with a tree branch, and there aren’t any trees around, so which one of you did it?
Too scared to admit it? Fine! I’ll take it out on all of you!
Oh crap. Oh crap.
That was scary as all get out.
Sorry for suspecting you guys. It was actually just my… my goddess punishing me for ignoring her. Yeah, she just told me to get a move on with the quest.
Yes yes. I hear you. I’ll be with you in a moment, I suppose.
Guys. How do I keep her from hearing everything I say?
Guys?
Hello…?
Oh HECK no. They did not just leave me here all by myself with Miss Evil Mother Hen over here.
Ouch! What the…
You mean I can’t even have my own thoughts in privacy? Good me, woman, show some respect!
Ouch! Stop it! I am a major goddess, you little fool!
Ow! Ow ow ow! OUCH!
Alright already! Stop it! Please!
Fine. I apologize for my rude behavior. Happy now? Going to stop “punishing” me now?
Good. Glad we came to an understanding.
…well, I’m not going to be turned back into a goddess anytime soon, and just standing here won’t help any, so…
All right. Which way for the quest?
On the road? You mean… outside Godville?
Oh no. Nuh uh. I am not going out there. I am a major goddess, and I am used to certain standards, and not dying is one of them, thank you very much.
Ouch!
…well, you do make an excellent point.
Being a Hero: Day 1
Dear Diary,
I survived. I survived a day on earth without dying. This is a good thing, as I would have most likely lost my temper and struck down my “goddess” if she had let me die like the little fool she is.
…I’m waiting.
…huh. No random tree branches, no lightning, no anything. Could it be that sometimes she doesn’t listen?
Praise me! Hallelujah! It is a good day on earth today! This ridiculous goddess doesn’t pay attention to me every waking moment!
But how do I know if she’s listening or not? If I say something offensive, she’ll smite me! But if she isn’t there, I’ll get off scot free.
I need to consider this carefully.
Day Two:
I feel odd. Like, it’s good. Odd, but good. I feel really good. It’s actually making me pretty happy. You know what? I think it’s because I’m actually outside for once. I’m smelling the flowers, feeling the sunshine, and getting attacked by monsters with every passing mile. There must be something wrong with me. I’m a goddess! I don’t do outside!
…something tells me my hero instincts are tingling. I don’t even have hero instincts! It’s making me nervous.