Godville

There is presently an intense debate over the reason that the members of #vgmc5 chose to come to Godville. There are three main schools of thought on this matter:

I. Waldemar-Aylward Proposal

II. Marrone-Bradwell-Lesniak Theory

III. Stevens-Kanbe Claim

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(I)

On December 17, 2012, at the Conference on Neo-Classical Imperialism in the 21st Century held in Zurich, Switzerland, historians Conrad Waldemar and Franz Aylward presented their view of the members of #vgmc5 as modern-era conquistadors. They argue that such a conception of self is inherent in #vgmc5’s battle cry, “Glory to the Mad Eyes!” Having conquered the slopes of Mt. Eda, these members of the Mad Eye tribe set forth in search of new lands to subjugate. In this regard, Reala O’Six has gone so far as to call them “exemplary specimens of the modern alpha male.” ¹

Although it retains prominence in some academic circles, the Waldemar-Aylward Proposal has come under severe criticism by scholars who argue that the dueling prowess, or lack thereof, of the members of #vgmc5 is inconsistent with their claimed heritage as Mad Eyes. Consider, for instance, the following statement by Lorem Ipsum, who has emerged as one of the most vocal critics of the Waldemar-Aylward Proposal: “Zero-three. That’s the current combined dueling record of the members of #vgmc5. It’s not only patently insulting, but also historically inaccurate to suggest that the Mad Eye tribe would have sent fighters of this caliber on a mission of conquest.” ²

Not all scholars are in agreement on this point. Suvi Kelshen responds to Ipsum’s argument as follows: “The critiques of Lorem Ipsum and his colleagues reflect a fundamental misunderstanding of the dynamic between the Mad Eye tribe and the White Yeti tribe at the time that #vgmc5 came into existence. To the extent that the Mad Eyes enjoyed any combat supremacy, it was entirely attributable to the overpowered nature of Unbreakable Will. Thus, it should come as no surprise that in the mundus novus of Godville, and, in particular, in duels where Unbreakable Will would not be in effect, these Mad Eyes suddenly discovered they had forgotten how to fight on equal footing.” ³ However, Kelshen’s view remains a strictly minority one.

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(II)

Weeks later, at the Eruptions and Disruptions of the Repressed conference in Helsinki, Finland on January 4, 2013, sociologists Antonio Marrone, Jennifer Bradwell, and Byron Lesniak presented their paper on the origin of #vgmc5. Many scholars have hailed the Marrone-Bradwell-Lesniak Theory, as it came to be known, as a decisive counterpoint to the Waldemar-Aylward Proposal.

These three scholars called for a reevaluation of the supposed origin of #vgmc5 in light of the prevailing norms in Mad Eye society at the time they entered Godville. The Mad Eye tribe placed extremely high priority on its internecine conflict with the White Yetis. As a result, those who were unwilling or unable to contribute to the war effort were regularly excommunicated from the tribe through a ceremony known as “killing afkers.” Based upon these facts, the Marrone-Bradwell-Lesniak Theory makes the bold contention that the members of #vgmc5 are not Mad Eyes, but former Mad Eyes who were exiled for “being afk.” These exiles sought refuge in a society where “being afk” was not only accepted, but expected – namely, Godville.

Although generally well-received, this theory has attracted its share of criticism as well. Dion Lewis notes, “If they had truly been exiled, their battle cry is entirely nonsensical. Why would they continue to give glory to a tribe that cast them out?” ⁴ Furthermore, Godville, with its burgeoning monster population, would hardly seem to be the destination of choice for a group of exiles seeking refuge from constant warfare.

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(III)

Then on January 22, 2013, an interdisciplinary coalition of researchers from the Institute For a Greener Future, led by Chadwick Stevens and Kaname Kanbe, presented a groundbreaking new theory which many view as having eclipsed both the Waldemar-Aylward Proposal and the Marrone-Bradwell-Lesniak Theory.

The Stevens-Kanbe Claim begins with the observation that the members of #vgmc5 have an extremely strong affinity for trees. Trees are mentioned no less than 473 separate times in the Chronicle. Detailed scrutiny of these passages reveals the following:

• The members of #vgmc5 obtain life energy from trees. It is stated numerous times in the Chronicle that one or more of them is “resting under a tree” in order to restore health.
• They also appear to grant life energy to trees, enabling supernaturally rapid growth. See, for instance, this statement by Zampano: “While paying as much attention as usual, I was suddenly ambushed by a giant sequoia tree. It just sprang up right in front of me.” ⁵
• They consistently display a powerful empathic connection with trees. Minit Mart Girl says, “Meandering along the path I came across a sign that said ‘Low Trees’, so I gave one a big hug and carried on my way.” Similarly, Jaycebelle states: “Gave a tree a hug today. It smiled at me as I walked away… It likes hugs.”
• Finally, notwithstanding this empathic connection, they also frequently express ownership of, and command over, trees. The most striking example of this comes from the diary of Tsukuyo, in which she writes: “Stopped to carve ‘Tsukuyo was here’ into a nearby tree. Now I’ll be remembered long after I’m gone.”

Based upon extensive analysis of this data, Stevens and Kanbe reach the conclusion that the members of #vgmc5 are not actually humans, but trees who have been given human form by the earth. This explains their ability to exchange life energy with trees, which the Waldemar-Aylward Proposal and the Marrone-Bradwell-Lesniak Theory do not even purport to explain. It also explains their stance of authority toward the trees which they encounter on their journeys: as emissaries of the earth, they outrank the lesser trees of the forests surrounding Godville.

Furthermore, the Stevens-Kanbe Claim provides what has been called “the only coherent explanation” ⁶ for #vgmc5’s apparent association with the Mad Eye Tribe. As “true trees,” they saw it as their duty to destroy the “false tree” of the Frostywind White Yeti Midway Stronghold, as well as its followers. ⁷

However, this theory raises a further question, namely: for what purpose did the earth choose to disguise the members of #vgmc5 as humans? Unfortunately, this key question remains unresolved, although it has been the subject of intense speculation by scholars, as shall be discussed in the next chapter.

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¹ Quoted in James O’Mara’s article “Straw Men” in The New York Times, January 3, 2013, p. 4:6. But consider the comments of Samantha Burrows, who states, “The ‘alpha male’ theory would be significantly more plausible if they weren’t almost all female.” Samantha Burrows, “Bringers of Madness,” The New Criticism, v. 15, January 5, 2013, p. 37.

² Lorem Ipsum speaking at the Seminar for the Future of Frostywind on December 28, 2012.

³ Suvi Kelshen, “Hunt Together, Die Together,” National Geographic, v. 216, January 2013, p. 87-98.

⁴ Dion Lewis, “Glory in the Highest,” The PNY Review, January 18, 2013, p. 54.

⁵ A comparable phenomenon on a much greater scale can be observed in Tsukuyo’s portion of the Chronicle, where she states: “Accidentally burned down a magical forest. Good thing it was magical. It grew right back.” (Emphasis added.)

⁶ Hiroshi Nakamura, “Mad Eye attack and target diversity: Changepoints and their drivers,” Journal of Peace Research, January 2013, p. 41.

⁷ For further discussion on this subject, see Cordelia Tabarez, The Psychology and Biology of Rendel Trees (New York: Basic Books, Inc., 2013).