10:44 AM Oh no, the bright light always comes before the… healing?? Well, Exalted One, this isn’t like you.
09:29 am Told the trader that I wouldn’t part with the graphics engine at any price on principle. Made 247 gold coins profit from selling both my principles and the graphics engine.
03:28 pm Launched into an elaborate interpretive dance to illustrate the pain and sacrifices I endured to acquire my awkward silence generator. The emotional intensity of my performance so overawed the trader he handed me 252 coins before I even completed the prologue.
10:03 pm Sonic Screwhero tore into Level Boss like a four-year-old on a sugar rampage.
09:44 am That which does not kill us makes us angry and weak.
07:30 pm Told the doctor what happened. He’s now in the corner, crying.
08:51 PM The Principal of Darkness was about to finish me off when a flaming meteor heading straight at me suddenly veered off course, deflected by the flutter of butterfly wings, instantly killing my foe. Either this is a miracle, Omnipotent One, or I’ve just proven the Chaos theory.
07:37 am On the bright side, I have a new disconnect-the-dots book. On the bad side, all that talk about killing the Illegal Guardian doing irreparable damage to the fabric of space-time was true. Cosmic things are more up your alley though so I’ll leave you to fix that.
10:30 PM Today, I’m doing nothing because I started doing it yesterday and I haven’t finished it yet.
01:30 PM Saw a hero speed wildly by on a chariot while being struck by lightning numerous times. I think he might have been driving under the influence.
09:39 PM Sonic Screwhero tore into Drowned Captain like a four-year-old on a sugar rampage.
04:21 PM Took a heavy blow to the head with consummate ease. For some reason, monsters seem to be under the impression that this part of me is vulnerable.
12:44 AM Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. Unless, however, I’m very low on health… in which case I’m allowed to hide and quiver in a bush somewhere.
07:59 PM I found a lamp on the ground, and when I rubbed it clean a genie popped out! The genie said he’d grant me three wishes, but only if I come inside and take a look at some paint samples he’s picked out for the bathroom. Screw that! I’m a hero, not an interior decorator.
08:51 PM Met Randtdr today. We traded stories of our near-death experiences. It’s amazing how many ways a hero can die.
10:15 AM The doctors told me they couldn’t make an accurate diagnosis because of the masking effects of alcohol. I’d better come back later when they’ve sobered up.
03:10 AM This is no time to panic. This is a time to flee in abject terror.
09:52 PM Asked the Sulphuric Aphid whether it was dead or just pretending. “Guess!” it said. Darn, I really don’t know.
09:51 PM Meandering along the path I came across a sign that said “Low Trees”, so I gave one a big hug and carried on my way.
08:52 AM Here I lay in the throes of dying agony and the Luminous One elects to send a potted aloe plant to sit on my chest. Why do I worship you, my lady?
12:21 PM You hear that, monsters? Yeah, it’s me, Sonic Screwhero, and I smell victory! Also a nearby skunk. But mostly victory! So run, cowards!