As a gift to the world, the Old Ones of the Universe decided to create a boy so beautiful that it would heal the ailments of all that laid eyes upon it. They named him Pascal. Unfortunately, while descending from heaven, the angel tasked with bringing the child to Godville tripped and fell over a loose Flying Carpet and dropped the newborn. The boy plummeted to earth and crashed head-first through the roof of a Barbed Wire Tappers’ workshop leaving his face crushed and cut beyond recognition.
The artisan took the boy to Godville to trade him for alcoholic beverages but accidentally dropped him down a manhole. There he was raised by the hideous creatures of the Sewer Fraternity. These creatures are so reality-defyingly ugly, they can only live with eachother because they are blind. Here the boy became known as Pascal the Pretty, for the creatures assumed that, because he was not one of them, he had to be infinitely better looking and therefore earned the title.
To be continued