Day…: I always forget to remind myself what day it is. Luckily my god doesnt mind if i forget things every now or then… Or maybe he just stopped getting mad at me and accepted my one and only flaw.
Today my god gave me the power to save a humans life. I saved the mayor of monsterdam from certain death while trying to eat a leprechaun. It almost choked the mayor to death! I rushed to the scene and with these 2 hands i summoned the power to expel the demon from the mayors mouth using my heimlich maneuver. What a weird name for hugging someone so much that you hear bones crack I dont know how i knew that the heimlich maneuver was so effective against leprechaun’s, ill have to remeber that for next time.
The mayor thanked me but asked that i take him to the hospital… I guess hes been through alot today. When he gets out ill have to show him how to properly eat leprechaun’s.
Thats all for now.
Day number…..hmmm.. Day 1:
Although I was not born today my beloved, caring and awesome god has given me the amazing task to write of my epic adventures to the masses
His voice came booming from the sky and i remember it just as I remember all the times I woke up after a night of drinking, it was painful. But the message was clear, the almighty Dirtbag proclaimed Thou shalt annoy the masses as thou hast annoyed your God for the last 10 months
I know you may be thinking that my beloved Dirtbag is being rude and insulting, but I’ve grown to understand him and if you don’t like it then tough! You’re still going to have to deal with me because I’m not about to disappoint my god in order to please you unless you’re a more powerfu…… Maybe I should stop right here…. Ill be back with more epic stories some other time