I see people have voted enough to get me on Storytelling… I’m aware these “chronicles” are a total disorganized mess, and maybe I’ll get to taking care of that problem one of these days. I’m just not as obsessed with learning Godville’s mechanics as I used to be.
Current challenge: No-dungeon 200%+ boss-monster minion, hence the reason why mine is so low-power and not even a dungeon-boss species. You won’t be seeing me in dungeons.
Also working on: Honored Saint (then I go back to Evil) and Honored Martyr (might as well get it, then try to hit 0 deaths)
Front page appearances:
07/19/16 https://web.archive.org/web/20160720102505/http://godvillegame.com/news
07/21/20 https://web.archive.org/web/20200721232619/https://godvillegame.com/news
09/22/20 https://web.archive.org/web/20200923042510/https://godvillegame.com/news
10/15/20 https://web.archive.org/web/20201016083315/https://godvillegame.com/news
06/03/21 https://web.archive.org/web/20210604061905/https://godvillegame.com/news
12/22/21 https://web.archive.org/web/20211223063200/https://godvillegame.com/news
06/30/22 https://web.archive.org/web/20220701042531/https://godvillegame.com/news
02/17/24 https://web.archive.org/web/20240218015731/https://godvillegame.com/news
04/05/24 https://web.archive.org/web/20240406053849/https://godvillegame.com/news
“06:05 PM Wow, I’m in the newspaper. That’s news!” in 3rd eye
(there’s more and I know I uploaded them myself to Wayback, but I’d have to go through them all)
Old level data:
Level 82: 25641.80 for 1%
Level 83: 26938.35
Level 101: 64830.6667
Level 134: 324368
Level 139: 413972.56
-Values were hard-determined via almost-exact percent gains and losses (very slight variation seems to exist) from temple-saccing and from black boxes.
-I had more data on an old computer, but I was able to plug in my findings into a regression calculator. Exponential regression by far yielded the strongest R-value for correlation.
Exponential regression equation: y=466.76123*1.050074822^x
Assumed (rounded) actual equation: y=470*1.05^x
-x=level, y=experience for 1%
Former Laplandville Stats:
Trader reference: Got 13957 gold coins for the priceless gift… Got 15300 coins for the priceless gift…
(compare to Godville’s 5965-6608)
Tradeburg prices and my records for most expensive item sold: Got 25612 gold coins for the really priceless gift… and Got 25887 gold coins for the really priceless gift… (In Last Resort, but “sold… for a high price” in Holiday News: Made the trader an offer he couldn’t refuse and earned 28243 gold coins for my really priceless gift.)
Got 5965 gold coins for the priceless gift… and Got 6608 coins for the priceless gift… in Godville
Miniquest data:
(remember that “Boldly go and take on some mini-quest” can sometimes appear as ‘step 0’ before any mini-quest)
Step 1: Smooth out a rough idea (Nothing?)
Step 2: Sign a verbal contract (636 coins)
Step 3: Seal the deal with duct tape (Gold brick or random)
Step 1: Act like a responsible adult (Nothing? [Message: Mini-quest to “…” has been completed. Is it really over?])
Step 2: Act like nothing happened (golden brick)
Step 3: Aggressively seek a peaceful solution (Vs Arrestocrat. Note: 210/372/56% health, did not heal)
Step 1: Unmask the phantom of the opera (healing)
Step 2: Touché until it becomes cliché (Vs Centourist)
Step 1: Lead a lost minotaur out of a labyrinth (Vs Arrestocrat)
Current Wealthy record: 1403 (from a Strong Wealthy)
Health values of bosses:
Miniquest-Specific:
TLDR version: Dig bosses have exact percentages, miniquest solo bosses have different ranges for each boss. Hulking is an extra 1.4×.
Mad Clown: 0.96-1.034x
Vegan Cannibal: 0.794-0.872…x
Level Boss: (Hulking: 1.825x)
Wherewolf: 1.140x
Ancient Demon: 1.462-1.5816831683…x
Miniquest/Monster Trap:
Arrestocrat: 0.853-0.9902x (Hulking 1.2400990099…x)
Broadbandit: 1.173-1.211x (Hulking 1.752x)
Centourist: 1.068-1.174x
Cholestroll: 1.379-1.506x
Terminator T-34: 1.063-1.233x (Hulking: 1.466-1.69x)
Dig:
Squirmisher: 0.9x
Terracotta: 1.33…x
Heromnivore: 1.65x
Overtaker: 1.875x
Bossferatu: 2.05x (!)
02:07 Met a sage who graciously offered to teach me how to strike an immovable object with an unstoppable force. Repaid him with 376 coins. (+15% normal quest progress)
02:22 Dropped a dozen coins down an old well and wished to return home alive. (No you didn’t, you only dropped 10 this time. Part of a series on overly examining diary entries.)
11:21
My quest to celebrate Godville’s anniversary was a triumph! I’m making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS. Got a golden brick too.
11:21
I’ve tired of celebration, but the party is still in the full swing. Must have been really good occasion!
The Birthday reward: a bunch of experience (25%) and a holy powercell
➥ Happy birthday to me! A gift for myself will be this huge chunk of experience and for you I’ll offer this holy powercell, Angry One.
Other current Godville projects:
-Wiki page (Go to http://wiki.godvillegame.com/User:Dan_Maku)
-Documenting the moneywasting phase in towns. After the “new towns” update, Beerburgh is 1.6-1.8x, Herowin 1.5-1.7, and Los Adminos was “nerfed” to 1.7-1.9
-Item ripoff rates in towns on both normal and bad-forecast days (I really despise that forecast btw)
-Daily Forecast walkthrough
-Unique Artifact watch (progress on wiki page)
-Potion effectiveness (chance of healing/antidepressant, thrown at enemy, more experience, or fake)
-Skirmish-only Invincible 1st: Achieved 3/20/14 05:05 P.M. (remember when that was a thing?)
-Random trivia/peculiarities in this game
Temple completed: 10/18/13 7:30 AM
07:30 The earth suddenly shook, the sky rained byte-code… A sleeping Godville Administrator rolled over in a far-off cave. (Seriously… I got ripped off on my Get Temple message…)
Ark completed 7/18/15 1:48 PM, no dungeons.
01:26 A log! A thousandth log! I’m even ready for a flood now. Not that I’m asking for it, Exalted One.
Fish pairs completed 1/10/15 5:09 AM, no sail.
05:09 Exalted One, I just re-counted the pairs and I think the ark now has a thousand of them. We’re not going to cram another thousand in there, are we?
-Fun fact, I noticed I also got a charge and a full godpower refill from that as well!
Shop completed 1/19/21 5:27 PM.
05:27 Oh my god, can’t believe that I saved all this money! Finally I can have my very own shop!
Book completed 10/2/21 6:40 PM.
06:40 Wrote down the thousandth word into the holy book, took a deep breath and snapped my numb fingers. Hallelujah, Terrifying One, the great work is done!
(Monster killing milestones)
1/26/13 7:33 P.M.: 5,000 (Supersonic Woodpecker)
2/9/13 10:16 P.M.: 7,500 (Prankenstein)
2/25/13: 10,000 (unknown)
4/24/13 1:11 P.M.: 20,000 (Paper Pusher)
8/15/13 2:00 A.M.: 40,000 (Bloodthirsty Umpire)
12/2/13 8:30 A.M.: 60,000: Fare-thee-well, Pinball Wizard. I shall cherish both your death screams and your golden trowel.
1/23/14 9:48 A.M.: 70,000: The Wizard of Osmosis died a hero’s death. That is, it coincidentally died of liver failure while I was fighting it. Took its 41 gold coins to go towards my own beer fund.
5/2/14 04:11 P.M.: 90,000: The Great Wight Shark lost the sudden death round with a sudden death and was eliminated from the competition of life. Got 162 gold coins.
3/25/15: 160,000: Racketeer Gatekeeper
9/25/15 10:34 PM 200,000: The Undead Gorgon Zola was killed once again. Made a nice golden pumpkin out of its head. (Remember when you could get pumpkins from Undeads even outside of the Halloween event?)
3/15/18 3:56 AM 400,000: The Ninjabread Man and I decided to make a trade. I gave it a roundhouse kick. In exchange, it gave me its life and 26 gold coins.
10/6/20 12:49 AM 666,666: Defeating the rogue Limberjack earned me 18 coins and some approving looks from the inhabitants of The Brain Slugs Farm.
(700k and 800k are lost)
7/16/23 07:24 PM 900,000: The Satanic Colt suddenly shattered, revealing 24 gold coins and a soup basket. They just don’t make monsters like they used to.
2/6/13 4:39 A.M.: First boss monster, a Mad Clown, defeated while I was sleeping and therefore unable to help, despite failing against two previous bosses even with my then-noobish help.
(Early pet attempts)
1/30/13 11:05 A.M.: I looked into the kind eyes of the vanquished monster and suddenly decided — Significant Otter, you’ll be my pet! And I’ll call you Boo. Bandaged his wounds, gave him a treat and fastened the leash.
2/17/13 10:12 P.M.: I didn’t manage to heal up my pet’s wound in time. Well, Boo, your regenerating abilities will help you to recover, but I think level-ups and pantheons are not for you anymore. On the other hand, who needs those silly things anyway?
2/18/13 12:59 A.M.: I heard that if you love someone, you should set them free. I released Boo into the wild to pursue his hopes and dreams. Meanwhile, I’m off to pursue all my greatest ambitions, in the tavern. (Level 6)
2/25/13 4:08 A.M.: Significant Otter Stitch. (Level 15)
5/24/13 Prancing Pony Scrat.
1/18/2014 11:35 A.M. Scrat just shed his skin! Wait, does a prancing pony do that? Anyway, he looks bigger, meaner and cleaner now. (Level 30, pet medal)
2/1/2014 1:51 P.M. Timed out 9:56 P.M. Released. Not reviving him was intentional, as I wanted a better pet.
2/6/14 7:04 P.M. I looked into the kind eyes of the vanquished monster and suddenly decided — Double Dragon, you’ll be my pet! And I’ll call you Tigger. Bandaged his wounds, gave him a treat and fastened the leash.
7/1/21 03:23 A.M. I looked into the kind eyes of the vanquished monster and suddenly decided — Battle Toad, you’ll be my pet! And I’ll call you Nibbler. Bandaged his wounds, gave him a treat and fastened the leash.
(I now have “Battletoads & Double Dragon”, great NES game, as are “Battletoads” and “Double Dragon” themselves)
Godville Geography: Completely useless info in which I note the locations of these places (actually I’m pretty sure they’re random):
Sleepless Hollow: 87
Brokeback Knoll: 160-180
Passage of The Last Man Lying: 307
Battle-ending diary messages: entries that end the battle without you actually defeating the monster or you being defeated. Fighting a wanted monster? Too bad.
(I’ve been getting these A LOT lately, especially against Strong Monsters as indicated in these examples. One thing I noticed because of that is that the Strong Monster names are NOT linked in this entry type.)
The Thesaurus Rex gave me a sappy, teary-eyed look, so I decided to spare its life. It’s good to be good!
For a fleeting moment, I had a vision of a world without beer. I cried out so loudly that the Grammatical Terror got scared and ran, dropping the necronomicomic. It certainly pays to be imaginative.
The Philosoraptor threw an urn with phoenix ashes in my face and ran away. How rude!
I was delivering my final blow to the Boneless Skeleton when I noticed it was only a crude dummy. That clever monster… I’ll get it next time!
The Wrecking Bull told me it worked part-time at a brewery, so I let it go in exchange for 181 gold coins and a promise of free samples.
The Like-a-Boss Monster threw a pilates license in my face and ran away. How rude!
Sat down after a dizzying punch, squinted my eyes and drooled. The Century Fox figured that I had had enough and ambled away. Oh well, I couldn’t have taken any more of that anyway.
Equipment prices: See wiki page for more
Unlicensed nuclear accelerator, Godville, +104, 8074
List of new equipment messages that didn’t appear in 3rd Eye:
Just bribed the trader with 5413 gold coins and got big bangles for free
The trader wanted to charge me an arm and a leg for these new Pandora’s boxers, but I managed to talk him down to 5577 gold coins.
The trader told me that my outfit was so last season. Bought Freudian slippers for 3553 coins to bring my look back up to date.
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know you could buy knickerbockers of glory for only 5884 gold coins!
My personal diary entry hall of shame (mostly entries that really should specify the money spent, but doesn’t)
Desperately praying and sacrificing, I made a small miracle and healed my pet’s heavy wounds. Tigger, I’m so glad to see you in good health! (I’m trying to calculate money-per-level costs here. I shouldn’t need my calculator program just to find out the money spent!)
Tigger, quit barking at the air. There’s no one else around here… is there?
(changed at some point to)
Tigger is barking at the air. But there’s no one else around here… is there? (Strong Monster Encounter message… one that doesn’t include the encountered enemy’s name. I went a loooong time before I realized this was a Strong warning, and I bet I’m not alone in that.)
A priest at the temple told me that madness takes its toll. I wonder if it needs exact change? (I’d rather the entry display the amount spent like most of the others do.)
Here’s your protection money — I mean, voluntary donation, Mighty One. (Same here)
Ran away from the monster and hid in a graveyard. The screamin’ blues of wights were quite impressive, yet boring. (I actually like this one, but not implemented correctly; this one shows up at random during travelling, not when running away as the text suggests.)
A bright beam healed everything around me, even some goods on the shelves, but not me. (Trader-specific failed encourage message. The only one I know of… and a pretty stupid one at that. Probably because somehow healing everything EXCEPT my hero gives me a strange feeling of failure myself… and if you’re encouraging in town at the trader, you’re really not doing it to heal. At least the punish-version of this is pretty good…)
12:48
Luck must be on my side! I found a coin underneath a weird shiny golden brick by the side of the road! (I’ve always hated this entry. What, the hero would rather pick up a random coin than pick up a golden brick? So stupid, even if it’s supposed to be an example of your hero’s absolute stupidity.)
Watched a hero getting an item for free by saying that the price was so high it was insulting. Used the same logic while selling %item%, saying his offer was too high. He was confused, but eventually took it for free.
(SERIOUSLY?!?!? I get that heroes are idiots, but this takes the cake in such an infuriating way. For some stupid idiotic reason your hero instead says the trader’s offer is too HIGH instead, thus lowering its selling price to zero… except they technically didn’t sell it, they lost it; in terms of GV mechanics it’s the same as how heroes lose things while questing, as opposed to Earthly News-based “ripping of the hero” events. That is, it’s a “cleverly” disguised trader-specific “lose item” diary entry that can lose you items at the bottom, which IMO once you’ve hit the shop you should be safe from losing items to diary entries.)
The trader asked me if I wanted to see a magic trick. He then clapped his bony hands together, and there were %coins% where %item% once was. Nifty!
(It may not look like it since you get coins out of this deal, but this is in the same boat as the above entry. You didn’t sell it, you lost it but got coins in return, and as a diary entry it can affect items at the bottom of the inventory. Furthermore, since it’s a random diary event, you get the same amount of money no matter what it hits, meaning your bold item most likely “sold” for a lot less. While emotionally less infuriating, from a mechanics standpoint this is the worse of the two since players, myself as a notable example, won’t realize that this is mechanically different from all the other “sold my item for X gold coins” messages. Not necessarily a bad entry unlike that other one, just very poorly implemented.)
My personal diary entry hall of fame (Coincidences and generally cool/funny entries)
Most pointless skill replacement ever, 1/13/2014:
02:44 PM I couldn’t miss this great deal and changed my boring “glance of Kaa” skill to the new exciting “glance of Kaa” skill of the same level. Oh, boy, I love this customer service!
2/5/14 11:51 A.M. I refused to part with my hexcavator until there was a good omen to confirm that I should. The trader convinced me that 777 coins would not affect the harmony of the universe as it was my lucky number. Good enough for me!
07:12 I killed the Beerwolf, but spilled my beer. Now I truly know the horrors of battle.
05:37 I killed the Beer Mugger, but spilled my beer. Now I truly know the horrors of battle.
09:35 Didn’t have enough room in my pockets to carry the Headless Honcho’s head, so I just kept its bag with 24 gold coins as a trophy instead.
08:48
Found a package with the label “BACON” on it. Ate it without question. -08:50
My quest to build a food pyramid has been completed! Received some experience and a wish for good luck.
06:37 PM
Found a note stuck to the bottom of my beer. It said, “Congratulations! You’ve been poisoned! If you attend an Alcoholics Anonymous for Heroes meeting we’ll give you the antidote.” Sounds like fun. Except for the poisoning part.
05:27 A wandering minstrel sang me a song called ‘“stop the song that never ends”. I told him that I’d do that if it would make him stop singing.
07:17 Practiced some pick up lines on my rhyme bomb. Somehow managed to shatter it.
03:59 The city guards quickly killed the boss. What a pity! At least I’ve got an invite to Godville and invite to Godville from its corpse.
2/20/2013 12:48 A.M.: The Godville Administrator had to perform an awesome combo, several critical strikes, three fatalities and bribe me with a golden brick before I admitted defeat.
Ordered 100 pizzas to be delivered to Order of the Monster God’s guild hall as a joke, but monster attacks delayed the delivery by over 30 minutes so they got all the pizzas for free. Now I’m bored and hungry.
When I told the Boa Conscriptor that my mission was to kill as many bosses as possible, its demeanor changed completely. It called me an honorary comrade of the Common Monsters’ Revolution and handed me a chain of command in recognition of my service to the cause. Weird. (Recreation of my second-ever monster defeated message, and the first entry I ever liked.)
A strong blow from the One-legged Centipede knocked my full blast shield into a better alignment, enhancing its quality. (This is always good to see)
Solved my Zy Goat problem by using division. Was left with a remainder of 28 coins.
April Fools 2015 in a nutshell? 08:33
Dying Censoring Labracadabrador cursed me with aura of with its last breath. And the worst thing is .
April Fools 2019
A box in a crate, a case in a box… In the end I got two logs for the ark. I opened this thing 24 times, Great One! That’s what I call unboxing!
01:35
The Multi-legged Luggage must have been well paid. It had 267 gold coins and a sound of silence. Maybe I should apply for the monstering job now that it has become available… (It’s been far too long since I’ve met one of these. Did they remove them, and if so, why?)