04:39 AM Exquisite happenings, Mighty One! I’ve felicitously enriched my vocabulary artificially through the serendipitous procurement and temporary employment of a thesaurus!
11:34 PM I was going to follow my dreams, but they took out a restraining order.
02:09 AM The psychiatrist said I was in a state of cognitive dissonance. I agreed to disagree.
12:54 AM A giant cable descended from the sky, wrapped itself around me, and re-energized my body. Thanks, Almighty, but we need to talk about where to plug it in next time.
15:15: A sign in that roadside tavern read: ‘Gentlemen: No shoes, no shirt, no service! Ladies: No shoes, no shirt, no problem!’
08:57 PM Woke up to find that I had someone else’s trousers on. That must have been quite a party! Ruffled through the pockets and found a scrap of paper saying “Dare: take a paintball test and pass with flying colors.” Challenge accepted!
07:29 AM The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
07:48 AM Came upon a spoon in the road. How odd…
09:41 AM A wise man told me I should work smarter, not harder. Sounds the same to me
03:01 AM I am once again back in the hospital for my Narcissism treatment. I always seem to check myself out.
01:11 AM Someone once told me that modesty is a virtue, but I’m too perfect to be conceited.
01:19 AM I told the Infernal Auditor not to give me attitude. I already have my own.
01:03 AM Saw a therapist about my aggressive tendencies and defeated him in just two moves.
Using a doll to show the doctor where the monster hit her…
11:49 PM It seems like Iristopholes and RAXS are about to go wild in their imaginations.
12:21 AM Rescued a rabbit. Had a nice dinner.
12:18 AM Happened to stumble upon a group of dyslexic priests praying to their dog.
12:29 AM Stared at the moon. The moon stared back.
12:43 PM Great One, give me patience… and give it to me now!
11:54 AM Complained to the doctor that I keep experiencing sharp pain in my left eye whenever I drink pina coladas. After asking me to demonstrate, he firmly advised me to take out the straw first if I am to chug it straight from the glass.
03:27 PM Good news! The doctor just found traces of blood in my alcohol stream.
01:42 AM My Fang puffed out his gorgeous chest and jumped around, confusing the monster. Just like I do!
03:15 PM You know what they say about apples, but an onion a day keeps everyone away.
09:59 AM Great, my legs have fallen asleep. Which always means they’ll be up all night partying.
03:34 PM Stared into the face of danger. It winked back.
Orchestrate an unnecessarily complicated raid on a rival guild’s headquarters
10:10 AM The doctor insisted that I’d be better at fighting monsters if I weren’t drunk all the time. Like any sober person would wander around the wilderness fighting monsters all the time.
01:17 PM Attended group therapy with the voices in my head. They all agreed I was disruptive and asked me to leave.
12:56 AM I’m seeing a therapist to help with my kleptomania. I’ve been taking something of value away from every session.
07:35 AM Was just about to finish off the Godville Administrator when I spotted Death lurking in the shadows, waiting to claim the beast. Looking back, it was probably a mistake to high-five him.
12:52 PM Lying in bed and staring at the stars. I wonder what happened to the ceiling.
02:36 PM I tried to engage in conversation with a passing shepherd, but upon seeing me he declared he had to get the flock out of there. At least that’s what I thought he said.
12:24 PM I was set upon by a gang of marauding clowns. I managed to quickly repel their attack by going straight for the juggler.
07:16 AM Great One, give me patience… and give it to me now!
03:32 AM The guild dentist told me I needed a crown. I was like “I know, right?”
23:15 I wonder, how can I still be so thirsty after all that beer I drank last night?
10:17 AM Consulted a map. What a featureless and barren wasteland! Oh, wait — there’s something on the back.
Believing that even the most innocent of things are evidence of a conspiracy against her…
09:18 The doctor insisted that I’d be better at fighting monsters if I wasn’t drunk all the time. Silly doctor. Like any sober person would wander around the wilderness fighting monsters all the time.
21:24 I have lots of great personality traits… or “symptoms” as my doctor calls them.