Hero

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Ephraim Williams

level 74

My Guild has a first Name

Age 12 years 6 months
Personality neutral
Guild no guild
Monsters Killed about 138 thousand
Death Count 61
Wins / Losses 90 / 37
Temple Completed at 08/05/2012
Wood for Ark 23.5%
Savings 4M, 153k (13.8%)
Pet Biowolf Behemoth

Equipment

Weapon lightning bolt cutter +83
Shield political correctness +83
Head happy new ear +83
Body black light armor +83
Arms motion-capture dots +83
Legs legal briefs +83
Talisman Orb of Incremental Idiocy +84

Skills

  • iron vortex level 50
  • teeth gnashing level 49
  • mass effect level 48
  • rays of love level 42
  • self-cloning level 42
  • rail-bending level 40
  • awkward silence level 38
  • selfish interest level 35
  • tin throat level 29
  • backyard portal level 28

Pantheons

Gratitude124
Might16447
Templehood1658
Gladiatorship3232
Storytelling413

Achievements

  • Honored Favorite
  • Honored Renegade
  • Animalist, 1st rank
  • Builder, 1st rank
  • Invincible, 1st rank
  • Champion, 2nd rank
  • Fiend, 2nd rank
  • Hunter, 2nd rank
  • Martyr, 2nd rank
  • Saint, 2nd rank
  • Careerist, 3rd rank
  • Coach, 3rd rank
  • Moneybag, 3rd rank
  • Raider, 3rd rank
  • Shipwright, 3rd rank

Hero's Chronicles

Where most heroes experience an inner monologue, The Hero Ephraim Williams is blessed with an ensemble cast mentally, resulting in a rather fractured mental state. While it makes such activities as questing and temple-building arduous at best, The Hero Ephraim Williams is a better man for it, and enough time at the pub shuts them all up anyway. What follows is CRogers’ brief glimpse into his hero’s troubled mind…

“I don’t like it”

“I don’t like Pluto”

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t like it”

“Pluto used to be a planet”

“And Seurat used to be a painter”

“Seurat is still a painter”

“How do you mean?”

“Pluto was a planet”

“And then it changed”

“It didn’t change, it’s just not a planet”

“Seurat did change, but he’s still a painter?”

“He changed?”

“Well he’s not a painter”

“There are paintings that say Seurat on them. He made paintings”

“Painters make paintings”

“exactly”

“No, painters make paintings. Seurat made paintings. Pluto was a planet.”

“We perceive him as a painter because we think of how he was before he died”

“Who said anything about died? I just want to know if he is a painter”

“This is an interesting debate,” said The Hero Ephraim Williams aloud. “How do perception and the way we frame things as a society come to dictate what those things truly are? If perception is the only reality, are things that otherwise seem objective actually subject to our understanding of them?”

“Shut up Ephraim”

“I still don’t know if Seurat was a painter.”

“Well clearly he was a painter; is he a painter?”

“Where is the transition? If he isn’t now, when was he?”

“When he died,” said Ephraim.

“Shut up Ephraim”

“Died is about being alive. I want to know about being a planet”

“You mean about being a painter”

“Was Pluto a planet in 1980?”

“People called it a planet in 1980,” said Ephraim.

“Shut up Ephraim”

“That’s not even relevant”

“I thought we were discussing how perception shapes reality,” said Ephraim.

“You were, Ephraim. We were discussing whether or not Seurat is a planet.”

“Seurat and Pluto are equally close to being planets, and painters”

“What about typographical errors?”

“No, those aren’t planets or painters”

“If I consider Pluto to be a painter, isn’t that all that matters for me?”

“They are both the same.”

“No, because he was a painter. It doesn’t matter what you think.”

“Only one of them is the same. The other is different.”

“Was isn’t is, is it? If he was, was he what he is or was?”

“What?” said Ephraim.

“Shut up Ephraim,” said Ephraim.

“I think we can agree now. It seems pretty clear that it is”