I worship the Goddess Cowabungallow!
I really need to start finding more gold bricks for the temple I plan on building to honor and praise the great and wise Cowsbungallow! Maybe I should dig for treasure.
First skirmish today…i’ ve been getting bored with all this questing. Seek this, find that. Yawn. So Daysha and I fought…and I won! I may have to try the Arena soon!
Fought my second skirmish today, against Ddeth and,well, I’d rather not repeat his name in polite company. Juvenile, darlings. Bodily functions. However, despite the names, pleasant opponents. Plus, we won!
Emboldened by my wins I decided to try my hand at the Arena. Note to self, next time RTFM BEFORE THE FIGHT! Needless to say, I lost to Lord Purgatory and the Prince of Pain. (really?! Who comes up with these names?) . Personality? Viscious. Or Viscuous. You never know.
Today I fought my second Arena battle, and this time I was prepared! Though the hero Michael-Myers was formidable, and it was touch and go for a while, Cowabungallow and I prevailed! Though I must say that my opponents god Leveosa (and I use lower case intentionally) was a disgusting little creature, starting the duel by insulting my Lady, calling her a very nasty name which he even spelled wrong, the heathen! Well we showed him! My Lady is no stretch of sand, nor a deciduous tree, nor even a female dog, but a kind and loving Goddess (unless I make her angry of course). Hah!
Hey, and today I finally got a personality! Yay me! (I was getting a bit tired of being a fence-sitter, right? Plus, as my Lady has decided on the kind and gentle approach, I should be able to avoid the singeing that affects so many of those of us in this profession.
+++++ tick tock, tick tock (time passes) ++++++
Well, humph! My Goddess, Cowabungallow (may she not be listening) left me alone for, like, 18 months or something ! She didn’t even remember my NAME anymore ! In fact (sotto voce) I hear she even misspelled her own. You did NOT hear it from me, got it? Well, of course I needed to be seriously ressurrected, both figuratively and literally. And then she thinks she’s just going to walk off and disappear again? I don’t think so! I skirmished. And won I might add. I hope she sends me to the arena again soon. I miss that place. Sigh. Absence doth make the heart grow fonder. As does absinthe. But thats another story.
This is Viper3 (who has since become Viperia Foxmind—more on that later), saying Goodnight…
++++++ SIGNIFICANTLY more time passes. Years. 2 or 3 to be inexact ++++++
Five+ years later….(or maybe 5)
WELL! Where DOES the time go? While I never WAS good at keeping a diary, not much seems to have happened these past 5 years. I must have spent a fair amount of them at the tavern, given my total lack of accomplishments and my inability to remember what I’ve been doing the past 5 years. Plus they do seem to know me awfully well. Let’s see, I still have good ol’ sundog Scratchy. A more loyal pet you could not ask for.
I also apparently have NOT been collecting gold bricks these past 5 years. Apparently the world does not revolve when no one is in the forest to fell trees to smelt gold coins—who knew?! This is particularly true of my goddess Herself—at least a modicum of effort is required by us both, even—and especially from—my Lady. HEY! Do you hear that Cow-a bungle,’lo? I mean, others heroes are finding enough bricks to build temple in 2 years, while I must have spend half my time dead or at least dead drunk these past 5 years! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Some lazy goddesses I chose to worship, huh? Might as well worship Scratchy….Whaddya mean,shhhushhh? She’s not listening…Let me let you on on a little secret….I don’t think these gods and goddesses even exist! It’s just a conspiracy to keep is in check,I mean…what ARE YOU LOOKING AT?! PAY ATTENTION HERE, THIS IS SERIOUS! ….are you ok? You’ve gone pale all of a sudden and, what the….get out from under the table! What is going on with you?
Barkeep! Another beer for my friend here!
Now where was I? Oh my temple? My non-existent temple? So see, other Temples are being built way faster than my Lady’s ( if that’s who she REALLY is). I mean, I know I’m not that interested in collecting golden bricks when my goddess-who-doesn’t-exist doesn’t check on me in FIVE YEARS! But even so, I’d expect to be further than 20-some percent along after 5 years. I mean, maybe she doesn’t believe in micromanagement? Oh yeah, right. Nope, she just doesn’t exist. It’s kindofa liberating feeling, realizing that, yeah, I mean….
WHOA! Look out! Heads up! Something’s incoming….What the? Everything is flashing, there’s thunder, it’s almost like there’s some crazy ANGRY goddess in the sky.
Oh. My. Goddess. It’s MY Goddess!
You actually existOUCH! (Dagnabit). MA’AM. SORRY! So sorry, ma’am! THANK YOU for performing this miracle on my bohunkus ma’am,I shall not forget about your again ma’am, no SIR… uh… MA’AM!
(For those of you with no imagination, I just got a Freakin Lightning Bolt in the behind!) DANG! She NEVER used to do the punish thing, and…wait a minute ….OMIGODDESS, SHE REALLY DOES EXIST!??
NO, M’Lady, I was not talking trash about you, not for a minute! (OUCH!) No, your Greatness, I do not know the meaning of The words omniscient and omnipotent,I am but a lowly heroine drunk out of her gourd. Gold bricks?! Maybe there was a shortage? No I don’t know how the other heroes finished their temples so much faster—bribery? No this ark thing is new to me too and no I don’t have any idea what gopher wood is. But I promise you I will worship you righteously from here on out, if you could only please stop burning my nether region’s with your lightning bolt, (and perhaps also return my nose to it’s usual size, but only if it pleases you) it would be my honor!
Can I buy you a beer first?
The Aftermath: July 2017
DANG! Now I have a penance to do (who knew my Lady grew up RC?) For my penance I now have to do 1000 Hail Sylvias (You know? Cowabungallow’s MOM? The Godmother? Keep up here!).
The good thing of sharing a beer with your goddess is they open up. Tell you things. Well apparently She had been very busy. Doing important goddess things. apparently she’s an important, what she call …an important “domestic goddess” in addition to my own god. No idea I was sharing her! Anyway…i guess that makes more sense.
She also is mentoring two or three young apprentice gods and goddesses, but said that’s ending soon, as it’s time for then to find their very own heroes and strike out on their own.
The upshot being that all of that’s irrelevant to me,I need to focus :on the task at hand, building my lovely goddess a freakin’awesome temple! So it’s ,back to gold bricking for me!
November 2017
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but my given hero name—Viper3— is incredibly boring, and I don’t like it anymore. Viper3. it’s stupid. like my parents had no imaginination. They just couldn’t put forth any effort into naming me! They SAY it’s because “all the good names were taken” and something about being out of time, Ummm. at least I think that’s what they said. Though speaking of imagination, you know, I can’t actually picture them? How sad is that? Huh….
SO I have no real attachment to my given name. Trying to think of a new one, but it’s not so easy! I want something that will reflect the new gentle hero I’ve grown to be, something classy perhaps? I’ll let you know. (let who know? Me, Myself and I of course, who else would ever read my chronicles?
December 2017
Aha! It is I, Viperia Foxmind, the Cunning, Lately of the Adders. Yes, I have made my change from the simple heroine Viper3 to the new cunning and of course gorgeous heroine Viperia Foxmind. To new beginnings! Or better endings. Or something like that. See you at the taver…I mean, in the dungeons!
The Beginning of a New Era
Valentine’s Day, 2018. What a lovely surprise! My temple…she is finally complete! I never thought this day would come. I’m going to have some pix up as soon as the artist complete them. This is so exciting!
Also, I have taken on an apprentice hero, I could say side kick but that’s likely to get me a bonk on the head, so shhh. You know what I mean. He’s really quite kind, clever in a MacGuyver-ish fashion, so brave, and also so…silly. I’m training him as one must when one decides to hang out together. Am I talking romance? I don’t know,I’ll let you judge. He DID give me a card on St.Valentine’s name day (patron saint of bloody hearts I think). He had a picture made of his pet—a significant otter—the pet he recently acquired, and with whom he is becoming fast friends. I wonder what he could mean by this odd choice of cards to present to me? I mean, we are old friends. Very old friends. Very very very old. Yet still,I feel like I am missing something here. I will ponder it further.
April. or May. Maybe March:Entered my first dungeon. I’d prefer not to talk about it. Sniff. Couldn’t even find the dang map, stuck in the trap room.the SAME one mind you—THREE TIMES within 6 turns. We did find all 3 boss monsters within minutes of each other, and only 2 of the 5 of us were even playing, it turns out. The rest were AFK. It was not a good experience to say the least!
And then, oh my, oh my oh my. How utterly embarrassing. How incredibly out of practice I am. And, if we are being honest, just a tad unfair. First time in the arena in six, yes 6 years, and, desperate for some gopher wood I decided to try again.
I was matched with someone whose name I actually recognized. Probably because they are so active, and, it turns out, are THIRD in the pantheon of gladiators. Not duelers gladiators: the elite of the duelers. THIRD. Needless to say it was a quick match. I also am puzzled why they got twice as many hits as I did, why my heal didn’t work till 3 steps later, etc. The chronicles mention lag, but I dont know. I think I’m just really…bad at this. Or at least out of practice.
Regardless, it was a SLAUGHTER.
Too bad the fight chronicles evaporate after a month. It was a good laugh…