Commander Lambert and Lieutenant Antczak were responding to a call in Snohomish county, driving down I-5 and flashing their lights and sounding the siren in Engine #2. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a bright flash. The fire engine screeches to a stop, skidding along dirt and barely avoiding crashing into a grey pillar. Commander G. Lambert, fully attired in bunker gear, turns off the lights and siren, and hops out and stares at the pillar, then at the surrounding country.
“What happened to I-5?”
Lieutenant J. Antczak, in the same, full gear, jumps out of the officer’s seat, and investigates the pillar.
“It says ‘Milestone’ on this pillar here, Commander,” he grunts.
They both glance around puzzled. No cars whizzing by, no paved, multiple lane road. No typical, green farms all around. Just a dirt road and a “milestone”.
“What the hell?” they both say in unity.
Just then, in the dense grass, a little far away, the strangest beast emerges, sees the two men, and growls.
Both Lieutenant and Commander balk in surprise.
“What the hell?” they both repeat, then a frantic scuffling to the engine ensues.
“We’ll figure this out later,” the Commander yells, looking at the rapidly approaching creature in the mirror.
“Seat belt fastened!” Antczak bellows.
Commander Lambert frowns. “Not now Antczak!”
He revs the engine, and the fire apparatus guns away, leaving the creature in the dust.
Antczak points out another milestone.
“Watch out Commander.”
Lambert nods, and gently curves around the milestone.
“Why the hell are they smack dab in the middle of the road,” he bickers, and Lieutenant Antczak nods in agreement.
Driving slower now, they both sit in silence, pondering the situation.
“What the hell?” they both say quietly.
How to be a god
Commander and Lieutenant are driving along, when off in the distance, they see a human battling another bizarre creature. He appears to be losing.
“He looks like he needs help!” Lambert shouts, and Lieutenant Antczak nods vigorously.
“Get out the irons, Commander?”
“Yes, good idea! But just to be safe, I’ll cover you with the 1 and 3/4 quarters minuteman load. I think we should just pick him up and skedaddle.”
The Fire Engine brakes to a stop, and the Lieutenant dismounts.
“Checking for Traffic! Wait, nevermind. Three point contact!”
The Commander rolls his eyes as he climbs out the other side and drags a hose load out. Antczak whips open compartment 12 and jerks out the irons, leaving behind the halligan. He charges towards the beast battling the human, raising his flathead axe.
“Antczak wait, I’m not ready yet!” Lambert yells, then groans. He activates the pump system, then follows with a loaded hose.
The human peers up from his battle, and is incredibly surprised to see two men in heavy, yellow clothes with bright orange, reflector ribbons rushing at him. Antczak shrieks and plunges the axe into the likewise surprised monster, and it roars in pain. A simple backhand sends the Lieutenant flying.
“Antczak!” Lambert yells in concern, then focuses angrily on the creature. “You bastard!”
He opens up the nozzle and sets it to straight stream. The monster hisses and bats pathetically at the powerful stream, and runs away whimpering.
Commander watches it flee. “Well, I didn’t expect this to be that effective.”
Dropping the hose, he turns to check on Antczak, but the Lieutenant is already behind him.
“This bunker gear is great stuff, Commander!”
Commander G Lambert sighs, then slaps him on the back. “Glad you are okay.”
The other human, however, is bleeding all over.
They both rush over.
“Are you alright sir?” they try not to notice his outlandish armor, and the fact that they stupidly asked if he was okay.
The man smiles jauntily. “No, I’m fine! My goddess will heal me anytime now!”
He looks up at the heavens expectantly. Nothing happens.
“Yeah…” Lambert quizzically eyes him. “Lieutenant, go get the first aid kit.”
Antczak runs off, leaving the Commander staring at the man who is staring still expectantly at the sky.
“Anytime now…” he mutters dazedly.
Antczak returns with the aid kit, but now they both gaze at the man’s gushing wounds, and then at the paltry amount of gauss in the kit.
“Well, he has clothes on. Strip that off, and use it too bandage the wounds,” Commander orders, hoping the filthy looking clothes don’t kill him of infection.
The man suddenly snaps attention to Commander Lambert.
“Are you a god?”
“Erh… What?”
“You just ordered your hero to do something. And you defeated that Spywarewolf with one blast of power. You must be a god!”
Commander Lambert glances at Lieutenant Antczak, back at the man, back at Antczak. He hesitates.
“Yes, I am a god. This is my… hero, the mighty Antczak.”
“What!” Antczak yelps.
Commander draws Lieutenant aside.
“Listen,” he whispers, “We are obviously not in Washington anymore. There are monsters here. This man is crazy. Whatever this place is, maybe claiming god-ship will protect us. He seems to respect these gods.”
Antczak groans. “Maybe you’re right. Just don’t be all high and mighty about it.”
“Of course not!” Lambert slaps his new hero on the back, and turns back to the other hero. “My mighty hero, who absolutely loves and adores, and follows my every command-”
The other human lies dead on the ground.
“Oh.” Lambert and Antczak grimace.
The Birth of a Guild
In the following weeks, Lambert and Antczak learned much about the land they were in, Godville. They learned about gods and goddesses, heros and monsters, but most all, how completely insane and crazy everything was here. Commander Lambert was having difficulty living up to his new position of being a god, and Lieutenant Antczak was not thrilled about his hero role either. However, their biggest struggle was the lack of familiarity and order in Godville.
“I mean, what type of place does not have a fire service? Their response to a house fire is too blame it on another guild!” Lambert complained one day.
They were both sitting at a tavern, surrounded by bumbling heroes.
“I mean, especially this place, with these people, needs a stable fire service!” he continued, inferring to the intelligence level of the heroes around them. One was currently trying to spit rum into a torch. Lambert groaned.
Antczak was staring at the bright red fire engine parked outside, making sure no one bothered it.
“Yeah. I miss home. And all these constant fire ordnance violations make me nervous… Plus all those angry gods and goddesses with their stupid meteorites,” Lieutenant Antczak admitted as the same hero spitting rum accidentally poked his eye with the flaming torch.
Commander Lambert sighed. He downed his drink quickly, then sourly hoped he wasn’t becoming one of the drunken rabble around him. Both firefighters were dressed in their bunker gear, tapered in bright orange reflective ribbons. They wore them all the time, as a form of connection with their lost, former lives.
“If only we had some way to promote some order and a-” Lambert was interrupted as Antczak burst up to go chase away some curious heroes from the fire rig. In the process, the Lieutenant knocked over the rum spitter, who who threw his torch over onto the bar counter. Spilled alcohols on the wooden counter immediately ignited, and began crawling up the wall.
A Blue Feather quickly blamed it on a Harvest Moon, and a fight broke out.
Commander Lambert groaned, but he knew this was his duty.
“Lieutenant Antczak, drag the minuteman load in here, and target the wood walls!” he barked. “I’ll get the Class B fire extinguisher, and take the flammable liquids!”
The commander dashed out, and returned with the extinguisher. With Antczak advancing by his side, the two firefighters approached the fire, now licking hungrily up the wall, and attacked. The straight stream from the minuteman hose doused the growing flame, and the foam from Commander’s extinguisher smothered the alcohol flame completely. The fluffy foam floated all over the tavern, and the occupants watched in wonder.
Commander Lambert whipped around, and sprayed a large group with foam.
“Magic!” he shouted. They shrieked, then started eating the foam.
“That was mean,” Antczak said, shutting down the hose.
“Well, I have a reputation to uphold,” Commander smirked. He set down the extinguisher can, and a new fire came to his eyes.
“Attention!” I have an announcement!"
The heroes stopped eating the foam, and looked at the firefighter in puzzlement.
“As of now, I am instigating… The Godville Fire Department!”
Everyone stared at Lambert in shock and amazement, then quickly forgot and started tussling over foam to eat. Lambert ignored them, and turned to his quizzical Lieutenant.
“Antczak, we have a new mission,” he proudly patted his fellow man, or “hero”, on the back, and strutted out the door. Antczak followed in confusion, dragging the hoseline out the door.
Behind them, a hero somehow figured out how to shoot the foam out of the extinguisher, and stuck the entire nozzle in his mouth, guzzling foam. Lambert bolted back in, grabbed the can away, and restrutted confidently out.
Burgeoning Godpower
The fire blazes rapidly up through the thatch roof, yet another consequence of heroes and heroines and alcohol. Several drunken rabble run out shrieking about a monster attacking in town, when monsters are not supposed to attack in town.
A giant, red apparatus screeches up to the engulfed houses. Commander G Lambert jumps out, and gazes calculatingly at the house. It is gone, with it’s simple thatch and mud walls no resistance. But the houses around it…
“Give me an defensive line around Alpha side and Beta side!” He shouts, “Haul out the supply lines!”
The commander fervently hoped that the rudimentary hydrant system they had installed, would work well enough. Lieutenant Antczak rushes past, a minute man load slung over his broad shoulder. Several other Godville fighters run out the supply lines, connecting them to the stray, out of place, red hydrant.
“Water down the exposures! Don’t let it spread!” Commander Lambert orders again, then begins thinking about how all this was possible. Through the years he had been here, he had slowly discovered something startling. Gods and Goddesses were a common thing in these lands, but he had never expected to experience some of it himself. He was nowhere close to being a God, but he had begun to manifest coveted Godpower. He looked at his hands, distracted, having no idea how. Very specifically, he had developed the ability to recreate things from his planet earth, specifically things he had experience with. Lambert could never figure out how to go back, but he could draw things to this strange land. Weirder still, some supplies that the Godville Fire Department contained, he had never seen before. Like the Fire Colossus.
Antczak had changed too. Whereas once he was a normal man, he had expanded in pure strength and resistance. A juggernaut almost, immune to fire and physical stress. Commander watched him in silence, smiling, then snapped back to reality. The other Firefighters were connecting the supply hose. Lambert held his baited breath, as they turned the hydrant wrench around and around. The supply hose flooded, strong and firm, and he sighed in relief. He gave the signal for Antczak to turn the nozzle on.
The Lieutenant nods, and cranks it open. A fine, straight stream shoots out, and Antczak begins watering the exposures around the burning house. Several other firefighters join him with bigger 2 and a half hose loads. Commander G Lambert smiles in satisfaction. Another successful run.