Heroine

Gravatar

Ukia 6

level 134
trader level 12

Catdragon! Rrooaaarrr! 丯

Age 12 years 5 months
Personality pure good
Guild Blue Feather
(phoenix)
Monsters Killed about 983 thousand
Death Count 199
Wins / Losses 51 / 55
Temple Completed at 11/18/2012
Ark Completed at 09/05/2015 (512.5%)
Pairs Gathered at 02/17/2018
Book Written at 01/11/2023
Souls Gathered 37.1%
Shop “Bricks and Mortar”
Pet Thesaurus rex Dumbo 41st level
Boss Blamethrower with 110% of power

Equipment

Weapon rule breaker +147
Shield trapper keeper +147
Head earmuffs of selective deafness +148
Body not-to-scale mail +147
Arms hands-free gloves +146
Legs rocket skates +146
Talisman whistle blower +148

Skills

  • strong brow level 167
  • navel clamp level 164
  • rail-bending level 155
  • radiokinesis level 153
  • fanned fingers level 151
  • backyard portal level 143
  • selfish interest level 142
  • self-propelled feet level 134
  • deafening snore level 134
  • frost bite level 109

Feats

  • ⓷ Get featured in the newspaper as a famous hero
  • ⓶ Feed hungry tribbles with regular ones
  • ⓵ Take personality to the extreme
  • ⓵ Die to a monster and lose 15k gold

Pantheons

Might383
Templehood3660
Gladiatorship14698
Mastery267
Taming555
Survival343
Savings372
Creation24
Arkeology622
Catch385
Wordcraft538
Soulfulness448
Unity5
Popularity1
Duelery1
Adventure1

Achievements

  • Honored Favorite
  • Honored Saint
  • Honored Shipwright
  • Animalist, 1st rank
  • Builder, 1st rank
  • Freelancer, 1st rank
  • Martyr, 1st rank
  • Moneybag, 1st rank
  • Savior, 1st rank
  • Scribbler, 1st rank
  • Champion, 2nd rank
  • Hunter, 2nd rank
  • Soulcatcher, 2nd rank
  • Careerist, 3rd rank
  • Renegade, 3rd rank
  • Scientist, 3rd rank

Hero's Chronicles

06:08 AM I clung on to a tree for dear life as the earth violently shook for a couple of seconds. I really wish the gods wouldn’t set their notifications to “vibrate”.

09:38 PM Barked up the wrong tree. Was chased by angry squirrels.

04:43 PM Other heroes love it when I draw the letter ‘X’ on the ground. They swarm around it as soon as I leave, cheering excitedly, with shovels in their hands.

01:54 AM I’m so ashamed. Scrat finally had to go over and ask another bipolar bear for directions. He’ll never let me live this down.

04:53 AM Told the doctor what happened. He’s now in the corner, crying.

01:02 AM Tripped and fell onto a rocky road. Wondered why it tasted like chocolate, marshmallows and nuts.

12:13 PM Tried practicing yodeling, but my solo act was cut short when a roadside tree uprooted itself, approached menacingly and told me to shut up.

04:36 PM Tried wolf-whistling. Spent the next ten minutes frantically running from wolves.

06:54 AM A wandering master told me not to believe everything I read on burned toast.

06:24 AM They really need to fix these landmarks. They keep telling me that I’m going in the wrong direction.

12:24 PM Tried going against the grain. Somehow made a crop circle.

12:45 AM Went to the Wounded Heroes office asking for help, but I was told damage to my pride did not qualify as a battle wound.

11:41 PM Got a V.I.P./R.I.P. card from Death. It reads: ‘Since you already know your way around, make yourself comfortable’.

02:22 PM Just saw a warrior, a white mage, a black mage and a thief walking down the road together. Typical…

02:24 PM Passed by a heroine who had been turned to stone; I guess her goddess must have taken her for granite.

03:05 AM Mmm… Potion of sleep resistance. Or as the locals call it, ‘coffee’.

08:59 PM I couldn’t find a tree that didn’t already have a hero resting under it, so I had to settle for this boulder.

12:44 PM Tried to find a shortcut by going through a wormhole. Spent hours following several different worms, but none of the holes they made were big enough for me to fit through.

04:31 AM Every time I cross the road, I get the weird feeling that a chicken is watching me.

04:15 AM Practiced my fencing skills. Still sore from digging post holes.

01:13 AM Made a dozen big mistakes today. So far, my best day ever!

01:09 AM A wise man told me that I was a compelling argument against both evolution and intelligent design, and that the only explanation for my existence was that I’m here for your entertainment. Is that why you made me such a good singer, Most Righteous One?

08:47 PM I tried pig tipping. That sow I roll.

01:43 AM Just felt a chill run down my spine. Either I’ve just walked over one of my old graves or my ice cream’s melted in my backpack again.

09:20 PM I’m so glad I keep my dream log in a different diary. My Lady really doesn’t need to know what happened in my head last night.

11:04 PM I glanced upon a sign that had a skull and cross bones. Gave it a moustache with my quill and continued on my way.

10:47 PM Death came to claim me but couldn’t find the claim check in his robe, so he had to leave me behind. I’d better hurry for some medical assistance.

07:47 PM Applied war paint to try to look more frightening. Used too much, and I now look like a sad clown. I didn’t want to look that frightening!

07:22 PM Saw a hero ignoring a ‘Keep off the grass’ sign. Heard a scream… And then the grass burped.

03:05 PM Argued with myself about the existence of pumpkins, cakes, and other anomalies.

10:19 PM The doctor told me he was inspired because I was a person who loved nature in spite of what it did to me. Wait, what?

03:58 PM A nearby field mouse suddenly came back to life, healed and escaped the hawk that was eating it. Very kind of you, Great One. Maybe you can try that again when a monster kills and eats me.

09:40 PM Don’t give me that look, Scrat. There’s nothing wrong with eating pet food. A heroine’s gotta do what a heroine’s gotta do!

02:22 PM The doctor said I needed to eat more fruit. Told him that from then on, I’d have a slice of lime with each beer.

10:45 AM A wise man told me that the secret to handling a difficult situation is to stop, think, and then act. I must be a natural as I always skip the first two steps.

05:21 AM Fell into a hole in the fabric of space-time. Climbed back out again. No big deal.

01:57 PM An atheist told me that I had been brainwashed into thinking that my god exists. What a lie. I haven’t washed my brain in ages!

11:19 PM A little pink cloud descended in front of me. I reached out to touch it and withdrew a handful of cotton candy! Spent the next few minutes in utter bliss. Yum yum!

03:52 AM Decided to seize the day this morning, but the inn keeper demanded I return his calendar.

03:58 AM I’ve noticed that most heroes are getting older and wiser whereas I’m getting older and better at making stuff up.

11:49 AM Ouch! Scrat, stop that! I don’t want to go that w… Oh, you found the right path. What a good bipolar bear!

03:47 PM I never understand these roadside historical markers. Who is Ethanix of The Graveyard of the Chosen Ones, and why should I care that he died here?

02:07 PM After watching Scrat mark his territory, I marked mine. We won’t be visiting that bar again…

03:54 PM Arete saw me planting some bird seeds. She said it was cuckoo, but I’m hoping for canaries just like the picture shows on the bag.

05:48 PM I don’t understand why everyone’s so afraid of the afterlife, Great One. I’ve been there so many times already.

04:41 PM I was told some of the greatest ideas were first written on bar napkins, so I’m off to the bar to find some great ideas.

08:51 PM Well I’m starving again, and you know what that means: Food hallucinations. I’ll never get used to my bananas talking to me.

12:16 PM Admitted to the doctor that I’d been pretending that I didn’t drink. He took it well, then confessed that he’d been pretending to be a doctor.

01:30 AM Saw a race between a chicken and an egg. The chicken came first.

07:58 PM If pet owners look like their pets, and if I’m made in your image, Exalted One, does that mean you look like a big stinky bipolar bear?

01:11 AM A wandering vagabond told me that there are people inside my head who vote on every word I say before I even say them. Let’s hope craziness isn’t contagious.

07:30 AM Heard about a hero whose god can part the sea. That’s nothing, my goddess can break the wind!

11:33 PM Tried swashbuckling, but couldn’t find any swashes to buckle.

07:56 PM Told the doctor that I think I’m a moth. He said I should see a psychiatrist. Told him I knew, but just came in because his light was on.

04:16 PM Saw a sign reading “Yeti Seekers guild rules!” Amended it by adding “Rule 1: Don’t join this guild. Rule 2: If you’re in this guild, leave immediately. Rule 3: Join Blue Feather instead”. Tee hee!

12:48 AM All the king’s horses and all the king’s men are trying to put me together again. The horses aren’t very good at it.

09:51 PM Chanced upon a mockingbird. Cried over its witty insults.

04:58 AM The doctor told me that I drink too much. My last urine sample had an olive in it.

03:28 PM I love watching rain trickling down a windowpane. However, I don’t love feeling it trickling down my neck.

06:33 AM I had an appointment with my psychiatrist. He’s funny, he called it a disappointment.

05:01 PM Upon leaving the hospital, the doctor said to me “Same time next week, Ukia?” Perhaps I should re-examine the amount of damage I take on a daily basis.

09:53 AM My weapons master once told me to ‘float like a bee, sting like a butterfly’. No wonder I kept dying.

10:08 PM All things considered, one lost tooth and a few cracked ribs really aren’t that bad after falling from a cliff. I’d call that being lucky.

09:16 PM Turned around and saw a bunch of people who looked like me walking in a line behind me. Must be lag.

12:47 AM I am once again back in the hospital for my Narcissism treatment. I always seem to check myself out.

06:44 PM “A happy bipolar bear means a happy hero.” is what I shall keep telling myself until Scrat is done destroying my open and shut case. Argh, I can’t take it anymore! Let me chew on it too!

06:31 PM My Goddess, if I told you my birthday is coming up, would you give me a pony and improved health?

12:59 AM Met up with Eronga. We talked about the good old days, when drinking at the tavern wasn’t interrupted by all this questing.

12:52 AM I just received a perfect attendance award from Los Adminos’s tavern. They even offered to pay my tab for the night so I have 3509 coins to save towards future bar tabs.

05:49 PM I jumped off a bridge. Everyone else was doing it. Also, the bridge was on fire.

05:45 PM Made it to the river to take a bath. I only got more dirty though.

09:21 PM Had a bright idea, but it requested consensual separation for manifest incompatibility of character.

04:49 PM While I was making my way out of the graveyard I bumped into a zombie. Poor fellow, his god hasn’t done a very good job at resurrecting him…

01:20 AM If you’re not going to resurrect me, Great One, could you at least give me a tombstone with “Catdragon! Rrooaaarrr!” engraved on it?

04:55 PM Just passed by a youngster wearing a shirt saying: “Have you seen this milk carton?”

12:16 PM Was abducted by aliens looking for intelligent life forms. I must be smarter than I look, because they promptly sent me back.

04:44 PM Saw a race between a chicken and an egg. The chicken came first.

04:41 PM The back of this milestone marker reads: “Ukia was here.” Hey, I forgot I did that!

10:03 AM Caught my bipolar bear snuggled up with Makson. That traitor! You’re supposed to keep me warm, Scrat!

09:55 AM Consulted a psychologist, and he told me I was insane. But my backpack assured me that it was more qualified than the doctor, and that I shouldn’t listen to his asinine remarks.

10:52 PM Jaded by the long line to the doctor, I instigated an impetuous game of “Follow-the-Bleeder”.

10:24 PM You were with me when I was bruised and wounded. You were with me when I was alone and miserable. You were with me when I was surrounded with hunger and thirst. I see one common factor in all of this, Soul Supreme.

09:11 AM My silly bipolar bear almost stumbled into a nearby lake. Oh, Scrat, I’m so glad you didn’t drown… my resurrection policy doesn’t cover water damage.

02:30 PM Used Scrat’s tail to wipe the sweat from my brow. I’ll wash him when we get back to town, Almighty, I promise.

06:56 PM Just for once in my life, I’d like the trader to call me “Ma’am” without having to add: “You’re making a scene.”

07:42 PM Woke up, as I seem to after every full moon, naked and with no idea where I was or how I got there. I guess I really know how to party.

12:30 PM The following diary entries are brought to you by Ukia – Catdragon! Rrooaaarrr!

01:01 PM Wow, this must be an old part of Godville! You can really see the pixels.

08:42 PM Luminous One, did you run out of roses? Seems to me everything’s coming up monsters lately…

01:56 AM A wise old man told me, ‘The secret to life and happiness is just that: a secret.’

01:51 AM Is it a bird? Is it a fairy? No… It’s a dragon. I’ll just run away now.

01:40 PM Just saw an ogre shouting at a donkey.

03:11 AM Challenged a statue to a staring contest and shamefully lost. Challenged it to a drinking contest afterward and reinforced my dominance.

02:46 AM Here we are, Scrat: San Satanos. The centre of the world. The hub of the universe. The best place to get beer for milestones around.

02:40 AM Lost my direction while in the forest. Luckily I found it lying on a stone after walking in circles.

02:37 AM I chanced upon a sign that had a skull and cross bones. Gave it a moustache with my quill and continued on my way.

10:39 PM Scrat wants to go back to town because his inventory’s full, but I’m not ready to return yet. He looks peeved, but how heavy can a few dead frogs and a ball of wool be, anyway?

12:44 AM Man… If my coin purse gets any heavier I might just use it as a weapon!

12:37 AM Smelled a milestone as I passed it. Odorless, as usual. It doesn’t make any scents to me.

03:20 PM Stumbled across a sign that read: ‘You prayed for a sign. Well, here you go.’

05:22 PM Briefly considered a career as a dwarf until I realized that only one in seven are happy.

05:16 PM I wouldn’t sell my soul for a beer, Luminous One, but I wouldn’t mind renting it out for a while.

03:54 AM I can’t tell if this is a new diary entry or one I made earlier, when I was drunk.

03:42 AM Walking. Walking. Walking. Tripping. Falling. Writhing in pain. Ow. Ow.

05:55 PM I was following Eveilynn when she turned around and said, “You shouldn’t be following me, I’m lost too.”

10:26 PM I heard about a god who allows one day out of seven to rest. Can we discuss my working hours, Soul Supreme? They seem a little excessive.

12:40 PM I just stepped over a hero with nothing printed on his forehead. Weird.

12:37 PM I’m alive again! Thank you, Almighty, but I think you could have taken a bit more cosmetic care. I look like a murder that’s been badly disguised as an accident.

09:45 PM Next time you resurrect me, my Goddess, could you give me a little more upper body strength? And lower body strength. Also some more middle body strength while you’re at it.

11:27 AM Met an elderly couple on my way. They offered me a ride in their wagon and some biscuits for the road. I hope I get to meet them again someday.

11:24 AM Found a figment of Ergatis’s imagination… He may need a good therapist.

11:20 AM My Lady, I am very smart, but I end up doing stupid stuff. Here’s 2272 gold coins for putting up with it.

12:43 AM I saw a young heroine try to visit the bar before getting healed by a doctor instead of after. Poor girl was leaking like a sieve.

11:07 AM Stopped to empty my boots after wading across that last stream. The plants that I watered withered and died before my eyes. Ungrateful things.

10:59 AM A mystic showed me the footsteps in the sand of my life’s journey. I asked him why there were two sets of tracks during the happy times but only one set of footprints when times were tough. He told me that it was when you’d been using Pure ZPG mode.

09:36 PM Had to write this on a piece of birch bark. I will inscribe it into my diary later, when I get the book out of this Philosoraptor’s guts.

09:23 PM A street magician came up to me and performed a vanishing trick with some of my gold coins. Amazing.

11:55 AM Splashed holy water at the Silly Goose hoping to burn it. Instead it washed the dirt away, revealing Zylum. Oh how we laughed, Luminous One!

11:53 AM “A happy bipolar bear is a happy hero.” is what I shall keep telling myself until Scrat is done destroying my lucky penny.

10:21 PM Visited an acupuncturist instead of the regular doctor. I became suspicious of his methods and left quickly when he started to draw a dartboard on my chest.

10:09 PM Drew some nonsensical pictures on the walls of a cave I was passing. Hopefully in the future archeologists will jump to wild and ridiculous conclusions about our culture while I’m laughing at them with you, Mighty One!

03:17 PM Scrat suddenly rushed in front of a runaway cart to rescue a child. I explained to amazed onlookers that this was standard bipolar bear training at Blue Feather. They will be talking about this for some time.

03:25 PM A wise man said that I must learn to walk before I can run. Based on personal experience with monsters, that would be a grave mistake.

12:31 PM I’m tired of making lemonade, Omnipotent One. Could you arrange for life to start giving me limes for a while?

12:28 PM Note to self: I need to stop making these notes.

12:17 PM I didn’t pay my syntax, so I was given a poorly constructed prison sentence.

12:15 PM Asked a matchmaker to set me up on a date. He refused though, saying that he didn’t specialize in romance, just small scale pyrotechnics.

10:49 AM Was swinging the incense burner when it flew out of control. Caught it in my bare hand by reflex and burnt myself. I’m very sorry for blaspheming loudly in the middle of your temple service, my Goddess.

06:48 AM If you won’t resurrect me for yourself, Luminous One, do it for Scrat. He’s curled up next to my body whining.

05:31 AM Found myself waiting on Death’s doorstep. I hate being killed at peak time.

04:58 AM I would like to thank my parents, my agent, my guildmates, fellow heroes and most of all my Goddess. Without their love, support and constant vigilance, I just wouldn’t be where I am today. Dead.

12:21 AM Saw a homeless beaver begging by the side of the road. Didn’t give a dam.

12:03 AM I know they say money talks, but all mine seems to say is “goodbye.”

11:41 PM Attended group therapy with the voices in my head. They all agreed I was disruptive and I was asked to leave the group.

12:33 AM I know they say money talks, but all mine seems to say is “spend me.”

12:16 AM The doctor insisted that I’d be better at fighting monsters if I wasn’t drunk all the time. Silly doctor. Like any sober person would wander around the wilderness fighting monsters all the time.

01:40 PM I was suddenly ambushed by a pack of wild bipolar bears. I thought I was doomed until Scrat leapt in front of me and growled fiercely. The creatures lowered their heads and backed away respectfully. I must remember to treat Scrat next time we’re in town…

04:17 PM Note to self: when faced with two evils, always choose the one you haven’t tried yet.

09:23 PM The doctor told me to try some solid food for a change, and to stop drinking so many liquids. Consequently, I’m on a frozen beer diet.

09:15 PM My Goddess, do you ever have one of those days where it seems like no matter where you turn, there are monsters out to get you?

07:43 AM Some days I practice positive thinking. Other days, I’m not positive I am thinking.

10:59 PM Saw a depressed donkey wade into the water with a bubbly yellow bear. I kept walking, afraid the bouncy tiger nearby might decide I look like prey.

02:49 AM Wandering through the forest, I preached your words to some forest animals, Most Righteous One. They suggested I’d have better luck trying to convert trees.

10:24 PM Chi hidyrw cccvbhhhbvbfr-aàu… Oops, sorry about that, Almighty. Forgot to close my diary before putting it back in my bag.

10:43 PM The tree next to me audibly sighed with satisfaction and became much greener. Did you miss target practice this week, my Lady?

09:41 AM Visited an acupuncturist instead of the regular doctor. I became suspicious of his methods and left quickly when he started to draw a dartboard on my chest.

12:53 AM Carried Scrat on my shoulders, so that he could see over the tall grass and alert me to possible danger. So far he’s alerted me to a ball of yarn, a dead pigeon and a lady bipolar bear…

05:12 PM My enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so am I. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm me, and neither do I.

11:44 PM Had a bright idea, but it requested consensual separation for manifest incompatibility of character.

08:07 PM Practiced looking for traps. Found one. Now if I can just get this thing off my leg…

11:09 AM Omnipotent One, if alcohol makes you feel this bad the next day, why do you make it taste so good?

12:27 AM Was resurrected in a shallow hole in the temple’s flower bed. Scrat even got me a tombstone with the words “Here lies Ukia… again.” engraved on it.

08:42 PM My life insurance agent wants to know whether my latest death qualifies as “accidental” or “work-related”.

03:35 PM I know how to cross my tees, but it hurts every time I try to dot my eyes.

05:03 PM Met a man who offered to drive me to the next milestone. I declined because there were no signs of a cart, and he kept cracking a large whip.

03:33 PM A wandering master told me not to believe everything I read on burned toast.

12:20 AM Fell asleep on a bench and found some coins in my helmet when I woke up. Do I look homeless to you too, Most Righteous One?

10:31 AM You know, my Goddess, if there were a pantheon of pessimism, I probably wouldn’t even be on it.

10:27 AM Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I can’t see.

10:03 PM For a moment, I thought a tiny monster was trying to strangle me. Then I realized my armor was on backwards.

09:59 PM Little Big Pond always gives me chills. I think I died here, once. Badly.

12:10 AM Money makes the world go round? Well, beer makes it spin round twice as fast… To the tavern!

10:06 PM This is a test of the Emergency Diary System. In the event of an actual emergency, I will drop my diary and huddle in a corner. Thank you for your cooperation.

06:57 PM Wore camouflage into a forest. Immediately lost myself.

06:13 PM Just saw a warrior, a white mage, a black mage and a thief walking down the road together. Typical…

09:19 PM A wise man told me that bad things happen. I swear I had already figured that out by myself.

07:47 PM Are you making the days shorter, Most Righteous One, or am I just staying unconscious longer?

07:25 PM First you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the beer. Tavern, here I come!

02:02 PM A dragon flying by suddenly veered off its course, dived onto the monster and covered it with a powerful jet of flames. My Lady, can I please slay just a few monsters with that dragon?

10:39 PM Hello. Helloooo. Sorry, Exalted One, just got a new pen and I need to get used to it.

10:23 PM Exalted One, I’m so bored that I’m doodling in my diary. <>< Hey, it’s a fish!

10:02 AM Dying isn’t that bad. It’s getting your purse stolen that sucks. Come back here, TravL-Zurey!

06:35 PM Tried to teach Scrat about fractions, but it still ate the whole pie itself.

06:25 AM Stumbled on a meeting of anonymous heroes sitting in a circle and talking about how long it’s been since their last drink. Felt sorry for them, and spent 986 gold coins buying them all beer.

06:18 AM Tried to earn more gold by singing in a local pub. I must have been making the others look bad because the barkeep paid me to leave.

05:35 PM Found the goose that laid the golden eggs. It was delicious.

04:00 PM I told the doctor I had to see him right away because I thought I was shrinking. He said he was busy and I’d just have to be a little patient.

03:48 PM Saw a pitched battle. Leapt into the melee, then realized I didn’t know which side I was on. But who cares?

12:54 PM Meandering along the path I came across a sign that said “Low Trees”, so I gave one a big hug and carried on my way.

07:38 PM I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

06:08 PM Decided to try my luck at the claw machine game. After hours of trying for the stuffed Lightsaber-Toothed Tiger, all I have to show for it is a money pouch with 1765 gold coins missing.

06:00 PM A learned scholar told me that lightning originates in the ground and jumps to the sky. Sure doesn’t feel like it!

09:32 PM Tried to turn myself in to claim the reward on my wanted picture, but none of the lawmen had ever heard of me.

01:28 AM I’m not sure if I was daydreaming about sleepwalking or remembering my dream, but either way I made it past another milestone.

10:23 PM Omnipotent One! I thirst for knowledge, wisdom, skills, travel and to transcend this mortal body… and beer. Actually, if you could conjure some foaming ale, that would do.

06:52 PM Milked a cash cow for all it was worth. Got 109 coins and a quart of milk.

02:57 PM Threw a coin down a well. Quickly fled when it was thrown back.

09:41 PM Had to choose between the lesser of two evils. Reluctantly went for the Holykeeper rather than the warm beer.

07:02 PM Burrowed into San Satanos to avoid the gatekeepers, but got fined by a mole for tunneling without a license.

06:32 PM Tried to remember when and why I started writing a diary. Couldn’t remember, but recorded my efforts.

06:26 PM While crossing that last bridge, a gruesome troll appeared. Strangely, he didn’t demand a toll. All he did was mock my previous diary entries.

02:43 PM Saw a thousand bees magically swarming above me in a pool of sunlight. Then realized I was standing right under their hive…

10:17 AM Exalted One, please give me the inspiration to imagine grand dreams and the courage to live them… Or at least the brain cells to remember them for a day or two.

07:58 PM A giant cable descended from the sky, wrapped itself around me, and re-energized my body. Thanks, Most Righteous One, but we need to talk about where to plug it in next time.

09:20 AM The doctor gave me some good news: I’m going to have a new disease named after me!

09:03 AM Kicked a bucket I found by the road. Heard the distant scream of a dying hero. Oops.

03:03 PM Bought some potions for 579 coins. I’m told this gives my goddess the impression that I plan ahead.

03:22 PM I think I’m lost on this island. Completely and utterly lost.

03:19 PM Stumbled upon a coven of witches dancing around a bubbling cauldron. They look hideous, but those ladies sure know how to cook up a Drop Bear. Good and good for me!

11:56 AM Filled a big pot with all my gold, and suddenly a rainbow appeared. Huh, so that’s how it works?

03:14 PM That does it! Great One, can you make me a bird in my next life?

03:22 AM The Fragrant Skunk really hurt my feelings. Luckily for me, my feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal heroine’s.

10:02 PM Unsure of my next step, I looked to Scrat for inspiration. Resolved to grow a glossy coat and lick myself clean.

11:54 AM There’s a waxing moon tonight. I expect a hairy residue in the morning.

10:54 PM Slept like a baby last night… woke up every three hours, crying for food.

07:58 AM Hi, ma’am, this is StayFresh. I’m writing in Ukia’s diary to let you know that I don’t believe in you.

07:55 AM A wandering sage told me that some are wise, but I am otherwise.

12:25 AM A pig with a slot in its back tackled me on the way to the bar and took 501 gold coins from me. Somehow my retirement fund got bigger…

03:32 PM Lying dead in a ditch somewhere. I’m sorry mom, you were right.

11:42 PM Of all the things in the world, I like shoes the most and being dead the least. Oh goddess, why couldn’t I have just drunk myself to death?

10:17 PM Tried to convert some wanderers to your worship by teaching them the benefits of being your follower, but hit a slight snag. Could you remind me what the benefits are again, Soul Supreme?

09:45 AM Looks like that trader sold me some antidepressants instead of the bottle labeled “Drink me”. At least I feel better about all this pain.

08:32 PM As I walked past a graveyard, a sinister hand suddenly thrust out of the earth. I thought it was a zombie rising from the dead, but turns out it was just Kralledd being resurrected.

05:09 PM I was set upon by a gang of marauding clowns. I managed to quickly repel their attack by going straight for the juggler.

05:39 PM Voices erupted in the San Satanos town square. When I went over, I saw the fountain flowing with beer and a pile of mugs with “Blue Feather” written on the side.

12:12 AM Hmm, starting to regret that last diary entry. Maybe if I run really fast counterclockwise I can turn back time and erase it?

08:40 PM Dodged healing rays from the sky. Nice try, Most Righteous One, but if I’m at full health I have no excuse to go back to town.

08:38 PM Channeled my love from within and delivered a brutal hug to the monster. It suffered from a few moments of air deprivation. Thank you for the kindness, my Lady!

03:06 AM Used the pet door to get into Los Demonos to avoid the “Entrance Fee” at the main gate.

09:32 PM A wandering master told me that when the going gets tough, the tough get going. Guess I’ll just sit here and relax for a while.

12:16 AM I’m beginning to think that my meetings with monsters might not be coincidental. Perhaps Scrat is a spy and is collaborating with them?

02:11 PM The healer gave me a tonic with the hair of all the monsters that bit me. Nearly choked on the giant furball.

02:06 PM The healer said a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down, but I’ve found a bottleful of beer works much better.

10:34 PM I was resurrected within walking distance of the tavern by my merciful goddess. Take that, natural selection!

09:51 PM I really must remember to change the beneficiary of my will to “my resurrected self” instead of the current “whichever monster last killed me”.

09:18 PM Why is everyone who passes by trying to poke my body with a stick?

05:34 PM A wise man said gods don’t play dice with the universe. Here’s 560 gold coins so you can have some fun, Omnipotent One.

01:58 PM Ouch! Scrat, stop that! I don’t want to go that w… Oh, you found the right path.

11:35 AM Note to self: it’s amazing how most plans work much better on paper. Now run!

11:34 AM Note to self: to score a date with a handsome doctor I need to be patient.

06:10 PM I saw some monks boxing. They were fighting friar with friar.

06:04 PM Decided to make a name for myself. So far, struggling with 06:10 PM I saw some monks boxing. They were fighting friar with friar.the spelling.

11:35 AM I tried asking you a favor, Exalted One. As I looked to the heavens a bird pooped on my face. Was that a sign?

09:39 PM Awoke on a silk lined bed with a bouquet of flowers in my hands and cards all around the room. There was eve11:35 AM I tried asking you a favor, Exalted One. As I looked to the heavens a bird pooped on my face. Was that a sign?n a picture of me, cut out in the shape of a heart! I’ve finally got a Valentine, Most Righteous One!

06:15 PM Dead men tell no tales… So I guess I’m going to have to take up pantomime.

05:41 PM Death was surprised to see me back so soon. He said I should work less and get a life.

11:33 AM Saw a homeless beaver begging by the side of the road. Didn’t give a dam.

09:08 PM Jaded by the long line to the doctor, I instigated an impetuous game of “Follow-the-Bleeder”.

08:55 PM I can’t function without my glasses. Especially when they’re empty. Like my health bar, right now. To town!

04:25 PM A traveling thespian told me to ‘break a leg’. I broke his instead.

04:14 PM Found pages from someone else’s diary flying in the wind. I’d be horribly embarrassed if someone were reading my most personal thoughts… Oh, who am I kidding? I read them anyway.

09:02 AM Found a package with the label “BACON” on it. Ate it without question.

:13 AM Scrat rested his front paws on my shoulders and licked me from head to toe. That was a real nice aura of spookiness I had once.

10:13 AM People ask me if it’s hard to face Death. Not really – he’s a great host and there’s always plenty of drinks. What really kills me is the post-resurrection hangover.

These are diary entries I made up & submitted. Whether they’ll ever be approved is still up in the air.

[11/17/11] Saw a cat sleeping in a sunbeam. Decided to join it. Felt better.

[11/16/11] While wandering about, I found a clearing filled with kittens. They were bouncing around having fun. Next thing I knew, I was swarmed by bouncing kittens, then surrounded with an aura of %aura name%. What just happened?

[11/14/11] Asked fellow heroes where to find a higher earthly intelligence to ask questions of. Kept getting sent to a meadow filled with butterflies.

[11/11/11] A hyperactive pink kitten ran up to me and purred, restoring some of my health.

[11/08/11] Following a butterfly in hope of finding the right path…

[11/06/11] Stopped to ponder my sanity, but I couldn’t find it.

[11/05/11] Heard a commotion. Later found a clearing filled with piles of bird feathers and cat fur. Wasted hours trying to figure out who won.

[11/05/11] Had a weird dream – I was lying down surrounded by zombie cats saying “I can has brainz?” One pawed at my head, said “No has brainz,” and they wandered off. Woke up surrounded by pawprints.