My life’s highlights so far:
I’m a regular Tom Sawyer Somehow I’ve managed to paint the grass on this side greener than the other side. Found a chest full of money. Gonna go and bust a move.
Gossip girl Spreading unsubstantiated rumors about rival guilds’ initiation ceremonies…
Reservoir Dog Walked into our guild’s office and took 434 gold coins out of the cash register. Promised to pay it back once I rob a bank.
Duhhh Under continuous assault and unable to think straight, I applied the extra life to the monster instead of myself. Judging by its high-pitched shriek, the Card-Carrying Villain usually heals in some other way.
What IS the Matrix? Had an appointment with the guild doctor. He squinted slyly and told me to choose one of two pills. Pointed at the blue one, but he shook his head and gave me the red one. Felt much better.
Praise the Lord! Following a sudden desire, I peeked into my knapsack and found three bold trophies missing, but, fortunately, discovered three golden bricks in their place. That’s what I call a true miracle!
I wanna feel what love is Tattooed ‘E “Guild Name” Unum’ on my butt cheek. Nice.
Thy name shall henceforth be… Gleep! It turns out that a firefox sure can come in handy! Who knew they were so good at fetching beers?
Hurts so bad – part 2 The Sun Dog raised its hand for a deadly final strike against me, when Stitch suddenly threw himself under its feet. The monster stumbled and fell dead on the ground, its neck broken. Stitch quietly heaved his last breath under the weight of the monster’s carcass. Oh, my Lord, why? He was so young…
Praise the Lo… me! Found 354 gold coins in a pot near the construction site. Wow, my temple already has some followers!
The Social Network These constant resurrections are wreaking havoc on my social life.
More to come – if I don’t accidentally kill myself with a rubber chicken…