HARVEST MOON GUILD LEADER PLATFORM:
If I do not have a majority vote near the end of the election, I will urge all to change their vote to whomever is in the majority.
I will be the first (?) to test the impeachment system by calling for all members to impeach me two days before the term ends. No joke. Well, it’s a joke of sorts, but… let’s try it out!
I will ask for popular opinion on totem monster and rank. Suggested changes are “Bewarewolf”/“Moonswine” and “kittenkicker”/“moonie” respectively; but I’m open to ideas, or just keeping them the same. I think “Harvester Of Sorrow” is a great totem for us, honestly, and would be inclined to keep it.
I will set guild chat topics to include game changes & strategies; current events in the (real world) news; and funny animal videos. Have you seen that Marnie The Dog? I’m pretty sure she’s the reason Al Gore invented the internet.
I was named for the great god Beeporama, Accidental Destroyer Of Worlds And Bumbling Dropper Of Buckets Full Of Lightning. Following a deity who inadvertently burns you all the time requires toughening up, so I just don’t have time for niceties.
Between Beeporama and I, I’m not sure which of us is stupid and which is evil, or both, but we’ll get through this together. Joining a big league guild might help me die less. Harvest Moon seems to keep nice places in major towns, so I can sleep off my hangovers in comfort as part of their ranks.
I enjoy taverns, peace pipes, long walks on the beach, and smiting heretics in the arena. I’m happy to make friends with new heroes; I’ll stab your back if you stab mine. Er, I mean, the monsters’ backs…
If only real life were like Godville, and we could force people to be our friends after going out and committing murder enough times. High school would have been much different.
Day 623 g.e.: I’m a dog person, so I think I’ll adopt one. Whooza evil widdle boy, Sven! Aww, you are, yes!
Day 677 g.e.: I’m an awful person, so my pet died. Whooza dead widdle boy forever, Sven? You are!
Day 680 g.e.: OK, this Firefox Pumba will do for a new pet. Must train it to fetch beer for me, and to not piddle in my helmet while I sleep.
Day 707 g.e.: I’m worried the Godville Pound is not going to let me come back… do they accept returns for partial refund? R.I.P., Pumba. I’m about to go have a drink in your honor.
Day 707 g.e.: hic You know m’lord, I’ve been thinking… hic The people who think you are a one-star Storyteller should come to the tavern with me. They’ll see three stars soon enough. hic Wait, how many fingers were you holding up again?
Day 708 g.e.: This Biowolf Woody gets to live!… but not for much longer.
Day 738 g.e.: Sorry about that, Woody. I guess I have a drinking problem.
Day 748 g.e.: Gleep, you picked the wrong hero horse to hitch your Bipolar Bear wagon to.
Day 778 g.e.: I made the paper! “Beepocles – 40th-level adventurer, member of the “Harvest Moon” guild, with the motto “I’m full of bad ideas. ☾”, stands at the 4th position in the pantheon of destruction under the vigilant supervision of the god Beeporama. The hero has no distinctive features to date; however, he promises to get some before his next appearance.”
Day 801 g.e.: Earned the title “Mouth Of Moon” as a distinguished member of Harvest Moon. Was alternately informed that the tile was a reference to Sauron’s lieutenant, one of The Goonies, or my inability to shut up.
Day 810 g.e.: A Trojan Horse is a better pet anyway.
Day 817 g.e.: I’m so famous, I made the paper a second time! “Beepocles – 43rd-level adventurer, member of the “Harvest Moon” guild, with the motto “Mouth of Moon ☾”, stands at the 126th position in the pantheon of destruction under the vigilant supervision of the god Beeporama. We’ve had many reports that a Mood Killer has been afraid to make eye contact with him since their last encounter.”
Day 832 g.e.: 09:48 PM: Dearest diary, today was the day! I carefully laid the last brick, swept all the rooms, opened all windows to let your glorious light shine in. I can’t believe it, your temple is finally finished, my Lord! I feel delirious with happiness.
I shall build a pet cemetery out back.
Day 883 g.e.: 04:28 PM: You know, Almighty, it looks like people are passing your saying, “Only an incredibly intelligent, good-looking, and tasteful god would upvote this voice.”, around. Isn’t that great?
Day 1066 g.e.: My dear sweet Pumba, level 29, died. Slapped him around a bit and he woke up, coughed a few times, and leveled up. Got a shiny new pet medal for my “Animalist, 1st rank” achievement!
Day 1103 g.e.: If you love something, set it free. I set Pumba free anyway, after waking up to him doing something vile and unspeakable to my leg.