I’ve traveled near and, nearer still. I’ve visited lands (and taverns) unknown. I’m a
master wizard apprentice ok, let’s be honest, I’m a n00b at the art of monster slaying, but I make some very stylish tactical retreats! I’m not sure how I first came to be chosen by my Lady to stand as her champion…in fact, now that I think about it, I’m not sure how I even came to exist in this world…Oh well, as a wise sage (or maybe it was the town drunkard) once told me “If the gods wanted us to remember everything they wouldn’t have given us beer.” Words to live by…ACK! What was that for my Goddess?! OH THE PAIN! Okay, I get it! No tavern visits anymore!
As I was saying before I was so rudely AHHH, I mean, gently reminded…my Lady very wisely chose me as her champion Is that you laughing Great One? I’m glad I amuse you, but I’m really not sure what is so funny…Hmm, anyhow, for many months now I have bravely sought out heroic deeds to accomplish in my Lady’s name Why are you laughing even harder now Goddess? Is there something on my face? Anyhow, I have worked tirelessly to bring honor and fame to the Great Goddess Seriously, I’m starting to think you’re laughing at me, but that can’t be right can it?
Right, so, anyways….I have witnessed the wrath of the Great Goddess, and let me tell you…it hurts like the dickens! I am a force to be reckoned with and should be feared by all! Read of my awesome deeds and be awesomified:
★I have smited countless beasts and maiden’s fair for glory, honor, and loot. Okay, mostly just loot. Don’t judge me!
★My armor has been expertly chosen to
accentuate my curves er, I mean protect my assets, and only the finest equipment will do for such a notorious hero as myself.
★I have meticulously searched for a guild of the highest caliber through an ingenious method I shall call “Single-handed Rock-Paper-Scissors” and I shall raise them up to greatness…or was it shame them into disbanding? I can’t seem to recall what I wished to say….ooo, look a butterfly…..
★Ahem, as I was saying….I have honored my Goddess time and again through devoted prayer and golden brick collecting. And, after a year of questing, I have finally placed the last brick in My Lady’s illustrious temple of death! By the way Great One, I know I have been remiss in my prayers of late, but in my defense, I have been rather busy what with all the blood-thirsty monsters and all, and I did just build you an entire temple so perhaps you could forgive me just this OUCH! Son of a….DANG THAT HURTS! Point taken my Lady, it wont happen again, I swear!
Oww, now where was I? Oh yes…Read of my heroic deeds and cower in fear! Beware my unholy vengeance, but most importantly heed my warning:
BEWARE THE PINK BUNNIES! Those rabbits are dynamite!
Oh! Look my Lady, the citizens of Godville have finally acknowledged my heroic deeds: SkylarB – 29th-level adventurer, member of the “Harvest Moon” guild, with the motto “Beware the pink bunnies!☾”, stands at the 33rd position in the pantheon of destruction under the vigilant supervision of the goddess Anwynn. Rumor has it that a local Sexy Beast has learned to show the heroine proper respect for some reason.
SkylarB – 61st-level adventurer, member of the “Harvest Moon” guild, with the motto “Beware the pink bunny!☾”, stands at the 94th position in the pantheon of savings under the vigilant supervision of the goddess Anwynn. Rumor has it that a local Cheeseburglar has learned to show the heroine proper respect for some reason.