Heroine

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Quelch

level 65

★↑↓♠

Age 11 years 7 months
Personality neutral
Guild no guild
Monsters Killed about 117 thousand
Death Count 80
Wins / Losses 360 / 65
Temple Completed at 06/07/2013
Wood for Ark 61.1%
Savings 2M, 765k (9.2%)
Pet Multi-legged luggage Sparky 17th level

Equipment

Weapon sharpest tool in the box +74
Shield electronic countermeasures +74
Head blindfold of invisibility +73
Body corduroy ninja outfit +74
Arms web shooters +74
Legs tights of immodesty +74
Talisman vanity mirror +74

Skills

  • heel grip level 45
  • radiokinesis level 45
  • slap of the whale level 40
  • asynchronous swimming level 35
  • brain dilution level 34
  • spoon-bending level 33
  • poisoned kiss level 32
  • win on points level 30
  • scissorhands level 28
  • golden vein level 24

Pantheons

Gratitude3679
Might24642
Templehood7321
Gladiatorship209

Achievements

  • Animalist, 1st rank
  • Builder, 1st rank
  • Careerist, 1st rank
  • Favorite, 1st rank
  • Invincible, 1st rank
  • Renegade, 1st rank
  • Champion, 2nd rank
  • Dueler, 2nd rank
  • Fiend, 2nd rank
  • Hunter, 2nd rank
  • Martyr, 2nd rank
  • Saint, 2nd rank
  • Shipwright, 2nd rank
  • Coach, 3rd rank
  • Raider, 3rd rank

Hero's Chronicles

My goddess is called Angel of Lightening. I am called Quelch. This is the records of my fights, quests, and explorations.

14:11: They say that lightning never strikes the same place twice. Well, my Lady has just proven that wrong.

20:48: Dear Diary, I have elected to employ a greater formality in my record-keeping. I trust this meets with your favor. Regards, Quelch.

20:34: Passed by a billboard with the engraving ‘Bumchester – now with blackjack and hookers!’ (That nasty man that I used to see… so he was only after 21 year old one night stands after all. I knew that ignoring him would force him to have to go pay for it.)

21:03: Did some thinking and concluded that the Almighty has a heart of gold. And it’s just as cold.

00:14: The Significant Otter suddenly self-destructed, leaving behind its picture of a thousand words.

18:54: I didn’t wet my pants and run away after seeing the monster, Most Righteous One. I just marked my territory and told the monster not to follow.

18:56: The Perfect Stranger tried to read my mind to gain some tactical advantage, but got thoroughly confused and soon gave up in disgust.

18:58: I tried to outsmart that Perfect Stranger, but my stupidity got in the way.

18:59: Lying low at the bottom of a ditch. I’m begging you, my Lady, make this Perfect Stranger pass by without noticing me!

19:10: I don’t understand how some people lose their motivation to exercise. This Stand-up Chameleon sure motivates me to go running!

19:37: Hey, the grass looks greener over there…

19:41: Met a traveling bard who said he’d teach me rock and roll. When I accepted, he knocked me out with a rock and rolled me off a cliff. Almighty, why did you make me so gullible?

19:52: Dear Diary, why do I have this strange feeling that someone else is here?

Quest #3 Take something from one guy and bring it to another guy for a reward (33%)

Finding the way by following a snail’s trail…

06:02: Buried my head in the sand and waited for the Psychopathogen to move away.

06:20: Did someone just say ‘examine Salmon of doubt.’ to me or not? Either way, I don’t care.

06:20: Tossed the salmon of doubt up in the air, but caught a secret identity card instead. Weird but true.

06:22: Spent several minutes staring at the secret identity card. Carefully moved it aside and found a new item: an X marking the spot.

06:22: The earth in front of me was just struck by lightning that burned the words ‘examine X marking the spot.’ onto the ground.

06:23: Wait a second, wait a second… Omnipotent One, did you just say ‘examine X marking the spot.’? No, that would be silly; I’m sure it was just thunder.

06:27: Tossed the ice breaker up in the air, but caught an expensive freebie instead. Weird but true.

07:05: Found a figment of Nymba’s imagination… She may need a good therapist.

19:19: Stopped to smell the roses. Tripped. After painfully removing a dozen thorns, I believe I have a newfound appreciation for daisies.

21:19: Managed to see some strange fiery letters fading out on the horizon: ‘I never thought I’d say this…but I love you…don’t ruin the moment .’

07:47: Quelch showed off the scars left behind by lightning strikes. It seems that her rival will have to change his lower outfit once the fight is finished.

07:48: Notes from the arena: Shubba Lubba Ding Don begs for mercy. Quelch definitely fulfilled her god’s expectations today! The winner receives a gold brick and 941 coins.

18:47: Found a portal to a parallel universe. Everything was identical, but just a little to the left.

18:56: Notes from the arena: Zour and Quelch look at each other appraisingly. The audience watches with anticipation.

19:03: Zour rubbed some salt onto Quelch’s wounds.

19:03: Quelch suddenly felt better. Zour muttered mean things about his imprecise master.

19:04: Quelch told the enemy a couple of terrifying tales of her adventures. Zour temporarily loses consciousness due to psychological trauma.

19:07: Suddenly a Major Problem holding a banner reading “Zour, I want to be your pet!” jumped into the arena.

19:10: Quelch showed off her hair that was standing on its ends, due to the frequent lightning bolts she received. Zour was impressed and lost some health.

19:19: Notes from the arena: Zour is unconscious. Quelch successfully fulfilled the goal of praising her deity! The winner got richer by 1107 coins and a golden brick.

19:29: Rested and dreamt of a better tomorrow, when chickens can cross the road without being questioned about their motives.

Quest #8 Prepare for the unexpected (4%)

Filing her nails with her weapon…

01:39: Quelch gave a scary scream and tried to chop off her enemy’s legs in the hope that John H Watson’s heart would sink into his boots.

18:51: Looks like my invite to Godville has been used as it should be… Great One, please send me a boyfriend!

18:56: Stopped to smell the roses. Tripped. After painfully removing a dozen thorns, I believe I have a newfound appreciation for daisies.

17:32: Stumbled across my old stomping ground. I stomped on it for old times’ sake.

18:12: I heard someone shouting from the traders hut: ‘Make her fall in love with thee :).’

18:20: The voices in my head are really getting annoying. Time to hum louder.

06:24: It’s obvious, I need to join the ‘Freemasons’ guild! Strange that I didn’t think about it before…

05:11: Found someone who allowed me to join “Freemasons”. Hi, fellows!

Quest #13 Write a holy book (54%)

14:23: Returned to the point of no return in my mission.

14:46: Spent several minutes staring at the encrypted file. Carefully moved it aside and found a new item: a flux incapacitor.

14:56: Tried to follow the road to success, but it was under construction.

06:04: Found a partially melted piece of armor with some words written on it: ‘I sense your sobriety is in a an unusually high rate, rectify this immediately.’

Quest #8 Prepare for the unexpected (4%)

Filing her nails with her weapon…

01:39: Quelch gave a scary scream and tried to chop off her enemy’s legs in the hope that John H Watson’s heart would sink into his boots.

18:51: Looks like my invite to Godville has been used as it should be… Great One, please send me a boyfriend!

18:56: Stopped to smell the roses. Tripped. After painfully removing a dozen thorns, I believe I have a newfound appreciation for daisies.

17:32: Stumbled across my old stomping ground. I stomped on it for old times’ sake.

18:12: I heard someone shouting from the traders hut: ‘Make her fall in love with thee :).’

18:20: The voices in my head are really getting annoying. Time to hum louder.

06:24: It’s obvious, I need to join the ‘Freemasons’ guild! Strange that I didn’t think about it before…

05:11: Found someone who allowed me to join “Freemasons”. Hi, fellows!

Quest #13 Write a holy book (54%)

14:23: Returned to the point of no return in my mission.

14:46: Spent several minutes staring at the encrypted file. Carefully moved it aside and found a new item: a flux incapacitor.

14:56: Tried to follow the road to success, but it was under construction.

06:04: Found a partially melted piece of armor with some words written on it: ‘I sense your sobriety is in a an unusually high rate, rectify this immediately.’

19:33: The cruelty of the Original Impostor is a thing of the past. Let a whole new wave of cruelty wash over this lazy land!

01:09: Galifrey pulled out a doll that looked like Quelch and started stabbing it with a needle. Quelch felt confused, shrugged her shoulders and got ready for her turn.

06:30: I ran into a brick wall with half-faded words written on it: ‘Go north I camand thee oh a dress warm.’

00:28: Cato 2 pulled out a doll that looked like Quelch and started stabbing it with a needle. Quelch felt confused, shrugged her shoulders and got ready for her turn.

Gladiatorship 13089 Gladiatorship 13107

02:51: While passing by a cave, I heard an echo resonate from within: ’O’m still here… looking down at you. From time to time…’

12:33: They had nothing in my size. I guess I need to lose some weight… or gain some.

12:37: Heard a shout resonate from within an adobe hut: ‘Be famous for something other than being contrary.’

12:51: Saw a man jump into a wishing well. I wish him well.

12:53: A friend suggested I might stand a better chance if I went to a singles’ bar rather than hanging out with the usual crowd at the tavern, so I did. Strangely, I ended up with exactly the same people and spent the usual 85 gold coins.

12:54: Rested and dreamt of a better tomorrow, when chickens can cross the road without being questioned about their motives.

12:55: Fell asleep and got tipped over by a cow.

12:59: Contributed 78 gold coins and received a “Do Disturb” sign in exchange.

Quest #24 Deliver the elixir of youth to the maternity ward (completed) (100%)

23:39: I heard someone shouting from the traders hut: ‘What if someone was indeed watching?’

Gladiatorship 13922 Gladiatorship 9339 Gladiatorship 7569 Gladiatorship 6245 Gladiatorship 6848 Gladiatorship 5752 Gladiatorship 4924 Gladiatorship 3302 Gladiatorship 2929 Gladiatorship 3573 Gladiatorship 3577 Gladiatorship 3192 Gladiatorship 3800 Gladiatorship 5063 Gladiatorship 4061 Gladiatorship 3652 2380

16:04: Quelch threatened that her goddess was about to start throwing lightning bolts. Tomska got frightened and felt a little bit dizzy.

08:09: I’ve heard that lightning doesn’t strike the same place twice, so I should be safe near this lightning rod until the storm passes.

Destruction 784 Destruction 808 Destruction 636

09:32: The trader told me that my outfit was so last season. Bought a lucky loop for 2362 coins to bring my look back up to date.

07:02: Wow, 17! I don’t get older, I level up!

07:11: Notes from the arena: Shouting “THIS IS SPARTAAA!!!” Endymiom welcomes his opponent. Quelch idly responds with “★↑↓♠” and the duel begins!

11:31: Tossed the pick of destiny up in the air, but caught a bottle of liquid ice instead. Weird but true.

18:47: I looked into the kind eyes of the vanquished monster and suddenly decided — Dust Bunny, you’ll be my pet! And I’ll call you Tige. Bandaged his wounds, gave him a treat and fastened the leash.

00:32: Found a pile of new artifacts still warm from materialization: a sound of silence, a degree of separation, and a moral to a story. Splendid, I’ll swap them for a drink tonight.

Gladiatorship 1742 1533 1360

17:57: Passed a ‘This way to The Lake of Maiden’s Tears’ sign. Went back and pointed it in the opposite direction.

18:16: Fighting the Bird of Pray is the closest I’ve been to anyone since my last relationship. I Gladiatorship 1291 Gladiatorship 1207 Gladiatorship 978 Gladiatorship 1174 Gladiatorship 1208

22:38: Mr Psychotic Fool came in and attacked the merchant, screaming about a fake gold. In the confusion, took a bag of dirty thoughts from the counter.

21:57: After treating me the doctor tagged me electronically, then released me back into the wild to track my mating habits.

15:44: Never mind what I said about longing to get back to battle, Mighty One. This OctoBear has changed my mind.

15:46: A woman can be destroyed, but not defeated and I’m still intact. We’ll meet again someday, you blasted OctoBear!

01:30: Shouted, “Look behind you!” at the Wedding Knight and ran away as it turned around. I’ll get it next time.

05:59: While passing by a deep hole, I heard an echo resonate from within: ‘With great power comes great responsibility. The Unrequited One.’

Gladiatorship 897 Gladiatorship 746

23:34: Participated in a banana-throwing contest with the local monkeys. Now I’m “fruited up” beyond all recognition.

09:56: The strange radiance around me has finally disappeared. It looks like my aura of abstinence has expired.

Referring to her diary to find out why she decided to return…

Gladiatorship 705 Gladiatorship 678 Gladiatorship 501 Gladiatorship 489 Gladiatorship 480 Gladiatorship 474 Gladiatorship 462 Gladiatorship 457

Gladiatorship 444 Gladiatorship 306

16:56: Afkhero attempted to miss Quelch but failed, causing her some damage.

17:21: My quest to find where lightning strikes twice was a complete success. Got a slightly scuffed golden brick as a reward. I think I’d rather use this brick in the back corner of my temple.

Gladiatorship 444 Gladiatorship 249 Gladiatorship 163

Storytelling 1 Storytelling 22 Storytelling 68 Storytelling 118

20:56: Found a piece of toast with the words ‘Well of course I’m louder than the voices in your head… I’m the only real voice!’ burned into it. Ate it anyway.

06:03 AM Wait a second, wait a second… Exalted One, did you just say ‘dig.’? No, that would be silly; I’m sure it was just thunder.

Wondering where all the voices in her head have gone…

07:49 AM Forgot what my current quest was all about. Guess I’ll start to flog a dead horse instead.

11:05 PM I didn’t manage to heal up my pet’s wound in time. Well, Tige, your regenerating abilities will help you to recover, but I think level-ups and pantheons are not for you anymore. On the other hand, who needs those silly things anyway?

03:43 PM I heard that if you love someone, you should set them free. I released Tige into the wild to pursue his hopes and dreams. Meanwhile, I’m off to pursue all my greatest ambitions, in the tavern.

02:22 PM I found a crumpled scroll in my pocket this morning. I unrolled it, and it read ‘stick a needle in the eye of the beholder’. I don’t remember agreeing to anything like that, but it’s in my handwriting, so I suppose I’ve got to do it.

Pantheon of Destruction: 999 Pantheon of Destruction: 379

09:53 PM Entered a bamboo grove to get some rest and met Nymba there. Drank from mugs to celebrate the lucky meeting and smoked a peace-pipe. Lost track of time.

08:41 AM The gladiators’ yearbook just came out. The editorial staff captioned my picture, “Voted least likely to successfully fall off the edge of insanity and climb back up.” Time to prove them wrong!

12:25 PM Only after completing my quest to find the “you are here“ sign in Godville did I find out the whole thing was a scam. Drat!

07:09 AM Let the history books state that I was martyred by that Biological Nightmare in the noble cause of trying to steal gold to buy beer.

11:31 PM Faced with the choice between listening to the full recount of my chronicles or jumping into a nearby volcano, the Love Bug went for the less painful option, leaving a loadstone behind.

02:58 AM Out of nowhere, a lightning bolt flew down from the sky and hit Dino. Good job, Dino! You’ll recover much faster than me anyway.

02:58 AM Lightning struck a nearby hero and I heard ‘go to godville go to godville go to godville go to godville hondo godville goto godville.’. Mighty One, don’t get any ideas.

06:41 AM You know, Luminous One, sometimes flowers can get more done than a lightning bolt to the head. I’m just saying.

06:41 AM Was slapped by lightning. Turned my cheek and asked for another one.

02:14 AM Lightning struck the ground, ripping open the grave of an undead hero, who climbed out and gnawed on Rae-rae’s arm. Quelch falls to her knees in praise of her mighty goddess.

02:16 AM Rae-rae makes a nasty comment about the weather, and a nearby stormcloud sends down a lightning bolt in retaliation.

12:49 AM The thunder and lightning are scaring Dino but I think it’s just you and your friends bowling, Luminous One.

12:49 AM You know, Great One, sometimes flowers can get more done than a lightning bolt to the head. I’m just saying.

06:24 PM Never noticed how wonderful the world is until you struck me with that bolt of lightning, Soul Supreme.

12:53 AM Lightning bolts streaked across the sky and burned “Quelch was here!” into the hillside. Impressive. Not very useful, but impressive.

08:33 PM Never noticed how wonderful the world is until you struck me with that bolt of lightning, Great One.

09:03 PM I was sitting by the road counting my money when a lightning bolt struck the ground right next to me, melting my gold into a gold brick.

08:03 AM What a nice day to die… Asked the Alter Ego to give the Great One my love.

09:19 PM Quelch threatened that her goddess was about to start throwing lightning bolts. Giorgio Fasselli got frightened and felt a little bit dizzy.

07:24 AM Never noticed how wonderful the world is until you struck me with that bolt of lightning, Great One.

Pantheon of Construction: 19

Pantheon of Destruction: 285

02:35 AM Stopped and wished upon a falling star. Got hit by a meteorite.

02:38 AM Arrived at Bumchester. It looks more peaceful somehow without the angry mob and their pitchforks.

Pantheon of Construction: 1

Priming the pump…

03:27 AM Carefully placed the last brick, swept all the rooms, opened all doors, and cut the ribbon in a stately manner with my sword. I can’t believe it’s finally happened! After all these months of work, the temple in your name is finished, my Lady! I feel crazy with happiness.

09:57 AM Quelch was scalded with an abrupt lightning bolt from the sky.

Through the miracles, magic and mysteries…

Pantheon of Gladiatorship: 108

04:54 PM Her rival held up his weapon as high as he could, ready to attack. Unfortunately, being the tallest object, he was struck by lightning.

04:55 PM A lightning bolt sent by Angel of Lightening hit a peaceful pasture surrounding a monster grazing nearby. The Stunt Double Agent moves away offended.

10:23 PM Quelch raised her weapon to the heavens and charged into battle! Unfortunately, the weapon acted as a conductor and she received a lightning bolt meant for Dovienya.

02:14 PM Suddenly the gentleman’s club clashed against the shamethrower with a clang of colorful sparks. The audience rejoiced.

09:28 PM Buried my diary in a time capsule, so that future generations will know what it was like to be a beautiful and successful heroine in the golden age of Godville.

Haggled over the price of a childhood dream and got 62 coins…

04:36 PM A local merchant, apprised of my recent heroics, promised to sponsor me if I prove that lightning can strike the same place many times. That sounds awesome so off I go. One question – what does “sponsor” mean?